He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys

[Princess Pea]

Just like, after a first date, we don't get together with 4 friends, eat ice cream, paint our toenails, and overanalyze everything that happened on the date!

Aw, you're missing half the fun of the date! (Or even more than half, depending on how the date itself actually went. )

 

[Willtor]

Aw, you're missing half the fun of the date! (Or even more than half, depending on how the date itself actually went. )

Granted, I haven't been on a date in a few years. But the thing I remember about coming home after the date was having a bunch of neglected coursework to do. Not to sound totally unromantic, but it never occurred to me to do analysis.

 

[JPPT1974]

Granted, I haven't been on a date in a few years. But the thing I remember about coming home after the date was having a bunch of neglected coursework to do. Not to sound totally unromantic, but it never occurred to me to do analysis.

Haven't been on a date
Since I went only on one
Back in 1995 but really
I would never, ever, do something
Like that other analysis!

 

[HoosierCanuck]

A good alternative to his rubbish is Boundaries in Dating by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.

I'll check into that one. It seems like I saw where they had other 'boundaries' books that dealt with life in general issues. I had thought about reading those too since I can't seem to put up boundaries in the right spot for life in general (it's hard for me to remember a person can only work so many hours a week before they get the urge to go postal! ). I guess the thing about Josh Harris book that appealed to me in the first place was the title (I kissed dating goodbye). I was feeling pretty lame one day and thought "yeah...that sounds like a plan!!!"

 

[HoosierCanuck]

*Tune* I was looking back to see if she was looking back to see, if I was looking back to see if she was looking back at me...

Who hasn't been there? I reckon it is important to maintain your self respect. I'd prefer to be single than on a string - a choice I have made a number of times.

Amen bro!!!!!

 

[HoosierCanuck]

Nah, guys don't read relationship books. Just like, after a first date, we don't get together with 4 friends, eat ice cream, paint our toenails, and overanalyze everything that happened on the date!

LOL

I don't have 4 friends and am not coordinated enough to paint my toenails! lol

For me it would be "open big mouth to close coworker that I even HAD a date" which would lead to them wanting to go to lunch and hear all the details so THEY could overanalyze and give me unwanted relationship 'advice' that totally doesn't go along with anything scriptural that I would prefer to follow.

 

[harmmony]

A good alternative to his rubbish is Boundaries in Dating by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.

I did have a browse through that book in my church library and I agree with you, I thought it was very good.

 

[jehovahjira]

to tell ya the truth i heard women understand men better than we do lol now thats saying sumthing if it's true lol AMEN though cause GOD knows us better than we know ourselves i'm prepared to leave it at that

 

[brizyboy]

to tell ya the truth i heard women understand men better than we do lol now thats saying sumthing if it's true lol AMEN though cause GOD knows us better than we know ourselves i'm prepared to leave it at that

I'll bet a woman told you that?

I think the truth is more like "When women don't understand men, they yabber on with their GF's until one of them lands on something that their man did, and suddenly, an innocent bloke gets tarred with the same feathers. Most blokes just scratch their heads, blame it on hormones and change the channel"

Of course, I am different!!! I at least hit the "mute" button

 

[biffy]

you know the book "He's just not that into you" or whatever it is called (hmm must have had a big impact on me hehe) really dosen't cater for the shy sensitive guy who is head over heels but so nervous about picking up the phone for a date even though the girl is most likely feeling the same and hoping he will call...or the guy who is really into the girl but is not quite emotionally ready to start anything for one reason or another...if God want it to be it will be...

having said that i have never asked a guy out and i don't like to be tied to the end of a string waiting for the phone to ring or an email to pop up!!

 

[GrimWolf]

really dosen't cater for the shy sensitive guy who is head over heels but so nervous about picking up the phone for a date even though the girl is most likely feeling the same and hoping he will call

I am that type of guy... The thing is, sometimes your just not sure if the girl actually feels the same way you do. It often happens when you have known the girl for quite some time and you are afraid of losing the friendship.

Blond girls just seem to attract my attention more easily and if they have blue eyes added to that, well then I am fascinated, hehe.

 

[Echoespeak006]

You know, in general, I think the fact that someone has even had to write a book called "He's Just Not That Into You." is kinda sad. I don't know if its a testament to poor communication skills, or exaggerated expectations or what, but I highly doubt that folks outside of the Western world spend this much time analyizing whether someone is into or not. I mean, you could always go for the no holds bar approach and ask them (with tact of course.) I bet it would save on ALOT of confusion. And, even for the shy individual, they will find it in their own special way to get the word out.

I think he skimmed that book , and some of things in their just seemed like no-brainers. If someone WANTS to spend time with you, they will find a way to do it.

 

[Willtor]

Tell that to Inara.

 

[Echoespeak006]

Tell that to Inara.

Uh who?

 

[Willtor]

Uh who?

You said that if someone wants to spend time with you, they will find a way to do it. This sounded a lot like a line from a movie in which one of the characters responds with, "Tell that to Inara."

 

[Echoespeak006]

You said that if someone wants to spend time with you, they will find a way to do it. This sounded a lot like a line from a movie in which one of the characters responds with, "Tell that to Inara."

Ah. Well, considering I watch few movies, and rarely touch sci-fiction/fantasy...I wasn't going to get that reference.

 

[HoosierCanuck]

You know, in general, I think the fact that someone has even had to write a book called "He's Just Not That Into You." is kinda sad. I don't know if its a testament to poor communication skills, or exaggerated expectations or what, but I highly doubt that folks outside of the Western world spend this much time analyizing whether someone is into or not.

I agree. I have to stop myself before I get into 'overanalyzing mode' because I'm constantly caffeinated and my brain doesnt want to shut off when it should.

I go for the *safe* approach and just ASSUME he's NOT that into me in the first place. No expectations=no heartbreak. Yeah...I know....it's a copout.

 

[Princess Pea]

You know, in general, I think the fact that someone has even had to write a book called "He's Just Not That Into You." is kinda sad. I don't know if its a testament to poor communication skills, or exaggerated expectations or what, but I highly doubt that folks outside of the Western world spend this much time analyizing whether someone is into or not. I mean, you could always go for the no holds bar approach and ask them (with tact of course.) I bet it would save on ALOT of confusion. And, even for the shy individual, they will find it in their own special way to get the word out.

Again, haven't read the book ... but I don't think it's addressing the scary "approach and ask" stage of a relationship that's so difficult for shy folks. I think it's addressing situations where a couple has already had at least one date. The initial shyness is no longer a factor, but one of them starts behaving as if they could take or leave the other person. Like, "We both had a really good time on our date, and he said he'd call, and I said I'd look forward to that, but it's been a week and I haven't heard from him. Maybe he just lost my phone number." Or "My girlfriend has been too busy to see me for four weeks. I thought maybe I'd get to see her today, but she said she really needs to wash her hair." Asking, like you suggested, is a great idea, but there's such a thing as stringing a person along too. Even a busy person ought to find a few minutes each day to pick up the phone and call the object of their affection. Sometimes actions speak louder than words, you know?

I think he skimmed that book , and some of things in their just seemed like no-brainers. If someone WANTS to spend time with you, they will find a way to do it.

Yeah ... well, as they say, denial ain't just a river in Egypt ... people ignore all kinds of red and yellow flags when they want badly enough for a relationship to work.

 

[Echoespeak006]

Again, haven't read the book ... but I don't think it's addressing the scary "approach and ask" stage of a relationship that's so difficult for shy folks. I think it's addressing situations where a couple has already had at least one date. The initial shyness is no longer a factor, but one of them starts behaving as if they could take or leave the other person. Like, "We both had a really good time on our date, and he said he'd call, and I said I'd look forward to that, but it's been a week and I haven't heard from him. Maybe he just lost my phone number." Or "My girlfriend has been too busy to see me for four weeks. I thought maybe I'd get to see her today, but she said she really needs to wash her hair." Asking, like you suggested, is a great idea, but there's such a thing as stringing a person along too. Even a busy person ought to find a few minutes each day to pick up the phone and call the object of their affection. Sometimes actions speak louder than words, you know?

Oh, I agree with you, but even then I still think it comes down to communication (whether verbal or not). You're right - "stringing a person" is really a pain. At some point, an individual will have to shape up or ship out. If they can't do that, then you shouldn't be dealing with them.

Yeah ... well, as they say, denial ain't just a river in Egypt ... people ignore all kinds of red and yellow flags when they want badly enough for a relationship to work.

Who are you telling.

 

[Princess Pea]

Oh, I agree with you, but even then I still think it comes down to communication (whether verbal or not). You're right - "stringing a person" is really a pain. At some point, an individual will have to shape up or ship out. If they can't do that, then you shouldn't be dealing with them.

I agree - there's nothing like communication for clearing things up in a relationship - any relationship.

Who are you telling.

No one in particular - anyone who needs to hear it, I guess. Myself, a few years back ... But I didn't see anything in your posts that indicated you needed to hear it, if that's what you were wondering ...