He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys

[jerseyfresh]

He's Just Not That Into You by Greg Behrendt & Liz Tuccillo

How many of you have read this book? I, for one, have read it more than once. I honestly think it's a great book and it has saved me a great deal of confussion and heart ache.

But I'm curious, what Christian alternatives are out there to this book?

 

[radhead]

That's an intriguing title. What is the premise of the book? Is it saying that some guys think that they are interested in someone, when deep down they know they are not?

 

[fungku]

I haven't and don't think I will ever read it. Mostly for obvious reasons

It sounds like it generalizes all of men into a lump, though. Which can be dangerous. I know there are some almost universal similarities between genders, but there are plenty of exceptions, and some generalizations are exaggerated or even none-existant. So, take it with a grain of salt, is all I'm really saying.

Still, I haven't read the book, just saw the guy who wrote it promoting it on Oprah so I can't really say much but spout assumptions from a brief glimpse of the material

 

[Princess Pea]

I haven't read the book either, so I shouldn't comment, but I'm going to anyway. From what I understand, the premise is that if someone isn't calling you, making an effort to spend time with you, etc. then chances are that they're just not that interested in and you should cut your losses and move on instead of running through the litany of "Maybe he's justs." (You know ... maybe he's just lost my phone number ... maybe he's just really busy right now ... maybe he's just tired and stressed from work ... )

I used to spend a lot of emotional energy agonzing when a guy didn't call after a date. What if my machine wasn't working? What if he'd lost my phone number? What if he called when I was out with my friends and I missed him - would he think I was blowing him off? Should I stay home in case he called? What if he was waiting for me to make the next move? Should I call him instead of waiting for him to call me? If so, what should I say? It was exhausting. Like I said, I haven't read the book, but just reading about the book has allowed me to say, instead of agonizing, "Hmmm ... he's not calling. Oh well. He knows where to find me if he wants to." Not that I'm not disappointed when it happens, but it's a lot easier to get over it.

What clinched it for me was when a married girlfriend told me that every guy she'd ever dated had at some point behaved as if he wasn't that into her ... except her husband. I think most of my married girlfriends would say the same thing. My best friend got married recently, and I was able to observe that courtship pretty closely, and it was definitely different from any she'd ever had before. There was no ambiguous period, ever. No mixed messages. No sitting by the phone or worrying about when she was going to see him again. Not that they got engaged on the first date or anything, but it was clear from almost the beginning that he was most definitely into her, and it stayed has clear right through their wedding day and beyond.

Edit: The book is about men's behavior, but I wonder ... does it work the same on both sides?

 

[Spicy McHaggis]

I haven't read it. I AM a guy and I don't understand myself.

I guess the Christian alternative is I Kissed Dating Goodbye, followed by Boy Meets Girl.

 

[Willtor]

Yeah, I don't understand myself, either. Maybe I should read the book.

 

[Spicy McHaggis]

Yeah, I don't understand myself, either. Maybe I should read the book.

No way dude, we don't need a book to tell us we're nuts...


just ask!

 

[TriptychR]

I bet there'll be a followup book soon for us: She Thinks You're Just Not That Into Her: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding What Girls are Understanding About You

 

[Spicy McHaggis]

I bet there'll be a followup book soon for us: She Thinks You're Just Not That Into Her: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding What Girls are Understanding About You

and the final book in the series "pfft. I'm outta here..."

 

[Princess Pea]

You guys crack me up!

 

[Willtor]

and the final book in the series "pfft. I'm outta here..."

And the follow-up to that, "How to Send Mixed Signals."

 

[HoosierCanuck]

And the follow-up to that, "How to Send Mixed Signals."

Nah....I think that's something both genders have already mastered!

I haven't read the book either...actually hadn't heard of it until this thread. I started to read "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" but like with any book.....my undiagnosed ADD kicked in and I only made it through a couple of chapters. I'd have to start over to remember what I read.

 

[Chaan Stines]

The sequel to that: Sending Signals, and Other Forms of Intergender Communication That Don't Work.

 

[jerseyfresh]

Nah....I think that's something both genders have already mastered!

I haven't read the book either...actually hadn't heard of it until this thread. I started to read "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" but like with any book.....my undiagnosed ADD kicked in and I only made it through a couple of chapters. I'd have to start over to remember what I read.

yah, I tried reading "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" awhile ago. I thought it was pretty lame.

 

[zmastah]

I bet there'll be a followup book soon for us: She Thinks You're Just Not That Into Her: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding What Girls are Understanding About You

ROFL

 

[GrimWolf]

I never read "I kissed dating goodbye", but I did read "boy meets girl" and I found it to be a good book. Personally I like Max Lucado's books, I've read a couple of them.

I personally don't think it is that hard to understand us guys, but understanding girls, now that is something we will never be able to do...

 

[harmmony]

yah, I tried reading "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" awhile ago. I thought it was pretty lame.

I'm with you, in my opinion, ANYTHING by Josh Harris is completely lame.

 

[brizyboy]

I personally don't think it is that hard to understand us guys, but understanding girls, now that is something we will never be able to do...

*Tune* I was looking back to see if she was looking back to see, if I was looking back to see if she was looking back at me...

Who hasn't been there? A mate of mine played it cool for over 2 years before she noticed him. They've now been married about 5 years. I reckon it is important to maintain your self respect. I'd prefer to be single than on a string - a choice I have made a number of times.

 

[zmastah]

I'm with you, in my opinion, ANYTHING by Josh Harris is completely lame.

A good alternative to his rubbish is Boundaries in Dating by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.

 

[OhhJim]

I bet there'll be a followup book soon for us: She Thinks You're Just Not That Into Her: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding What Girls are Understanding About You

Nah, guys don't read relationship books. Just like, after a first date, we don't get together with 4 friends, eat ice cream, paint our toenails, and overanalyze everything that happened on the date!