He's dead, but I'm still Maaad. Please pray.

[nicolacov]

Thank You sooo much. Things are getting better thank The Lord. He is helping me to foccused on getting my family where we need to be. Which is difficult because our oldest son seems to think he has to now take over being just like him. It wouldn't be so bad if he had taken his good qualities but he took after his bad ones. But The Lord is faithful and as long as I listen to Him I know I'll be alright. The problem is listening and being obedient.

 

[NoelAsa]

I am happy that you are getting better. It is different for everyone. Some people seem to do so much better than others. I am glad that you doing so well. Yes, the Lord is faithful and we can get much strength from Him.

 

[nicolacov]

You know what guys... the fact that most of you had such good spouses gives me encouragement for the future. If God has someone else for me I'm not closed to the possibility. This sounds weird but I'm glad that you have such good memories. That is a blessing.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

You know what guys... the fact that most of you had such good spouses gives me encouragement for the future. If God has someone else for me I'm not closed to the possibility. This sounds weird but I'm glad that you have such good memories. That is a blessing.

Sounds like God has done a work in your heart. Good for you. We don't know what the future holds, and for very good reason (even though I always want to know ) but whatever it is, God is with us and goes before us, and already knows the outcome, so no worries, right? If only it were that easy, but we just have to keep reminding ourselves and each other. Nothing can happen that God is not aware of, or cannot take care of.

 

[nicolacov]

I had asked The Lord that if He did not want me to have the answers to the questions in my head yet to just take the questions away from me, and give me peace until He wants me to know. He is faithful. I'm free!!! He is helping me to focus on getting myself in position for Him to move. He is helping me to trust Him even more. I just want to be who He wants me to be.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I had asked The Lord that if He did not want me to have the answers to the questions in my head yet to just take the questions away from me, and give me peace until He wants me to know. He is faithful. I'm free!!! He is helping me to focus on getting myself in position for Him to move. He is helping me to trust Him even more. I just want to be who He wants me to be.

Me too!

 

[NoelAsa]

I had asked The Lord that if He did not want me to have the answers to the questions in my head yet to just take the questions away from me, and give me peace until He wants me to know. He is faithful. I'm free!!! He is helping me to focus on getting myself in position for Him to move. He is helping me to trust Him even more. I just want to be who He wants me to be.

Good for you! My husband was not perfect and we had our difficulties. I also have questions and wish our life together had been better, but our life together is over with. You just have to move on. I also want to become who God wants me to be. That is one of my most frequent prayers to God.

 

[nicolacov]

I'm sorry it has taken me so long to reply. You know, yea, that is one of the things that get me through the day. Can I PLEEEEEEASE ask everyone a very personal question? How do you deal with not... you know...not being able to...you know. I'm having a difficult time with that. I'm attracted to anything walking. PRAY PLEASE. And a little advice!:o

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Well my husband was very sick and unattractive towards the end and I said I really didn't care if I ever had sex again. Afterward, of course, I felt differently, but I also want to honor God at this stage of my life so I haven't been with anyone. I actually would be afraid, kind of, of being in a relationship for that very reason. It's probably why God has not brought anyone into my life. Well there are probably other reasons too, but anyway, some days it bothers me more than others. That's why the Bible tells young widows if they have these desires it's best for them to remarry. I'm still not sure if I'm in that catagory or not.

 

[Christianwidow]

Well my husband was very sick and unattractive towards the end and I said I really didn't care if I ever had sex again. Afterward, of course, I felt differently, but I also want to honor God at this stage of my life so I haven't been with anyone. I actually would be afraid, kind of, of being in a relationship for that very reason. It's probably why God has not brought anyone into my life. Well there are probably other reasons too, but anyway, some days it bothers me more than others. That's why the Bible tells young widows if they have these desires it's best for them to remarry. I'm still not sure if I'm in that catagory or not.

Couldn't have said it better myself, Memoriesbymichelle. The only thing different is I know I am NOT in the young widows category , which, in a way, is a blessing. But even though I am not young, I still would not mind having a male friend to go to dinner with, to talk about what my day was like at work, to just have someone who I know would want to just be a friend. I remind myself that all things are possible with God.

 

[nicolacov]

I was actually like you. Until about 6 months ago when I found out about the last affair he had while I was pregnant. I'm not sure if I told you the whole story. If I didn't let me know. Before then, it had been over a year. That's because before he died we weren't physically together a lot. I said he didn't want me any more. He said he did but was scared to touch me because it would lead to more. Let me explain. There were times when he would have a seizure a little after sex. So I believed him... kinda. Any way, I had to learn to live without. That never happened totally. I was use to it but still yearned for some kind of touch. There was almost nothing then and now that he is gone, of course, absolutely nothing. I also want to stay pure, but I allow the yearning for touch to sometimes takes over. I end up "falling in love" with any man who pays me any attention. Even if they just casually look my way.

I have so many emotions. I'm still mad a t my husband some. I blame him for so much but then I blame myself. Then I hate him (he's dead). Then I'm mad at God. Then I ask for forgiveness. Then I'm alright for a few days. Then something will happen and the cycle starts all over again. I'm tired. I'm a widowed 35 year old with 5 kids, no job, and I'm fat.

Then The Lord gives me strength again. I wish I would just stay on track.

 

[nicolacov]

I'm not against remarriage. The problem is I have to get it together first.I know if God has someone for me, I want him to have himself together so I need to be what I'm asking for. I know none of us will be perfect, but I need to at least be where God wants me to be. I'm working on that. I just keep loosing focus!

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Couldn't have said it better myself, Memoriesbymichelle. The only thing different is I know I am NOT in the young widows category , which, in a way, is a blessing. But even though I am not young, I still would not mind having a male friend to go to dinner with, to talk about what my day was like at work, to just have someone who I know would want to just be a friend. I remind myself that all things are possible with God.

I used to want this too. I did have a male friend for awhile, til he got a girlfriend and she was extremely jealous of me even though I told her multiple times I would NEVER be with him and I wanted to be both of their friends, not just his. It's just that he helped me take care of my husband and was there for me while he was dying. My husband even said "He's gonna try to move in on my spot, don't let him". So I mentioned it in the presence of my husband just to let him know before my husband even died that THAT was never gonna happen. But since he got this girlfriend, he's completely out of my life. I would like to have male friends because for one thing I get along better with them and for another I like to do things like go camping, hiking, jet skiing but I don't feel comfortable doing those things by myself. So while it would be nice, hasn't happened yet. And I know many women that feel as we do, not just widows.

 

[IwasKingOnce]

Nicolacov, I just prayed for you. I was touched by your story and posts. Well, I think I got to your story through a post, but I'm still figuring out how this thing works. Anyway, knowing that you have a full plate with the children, providing for them, dealing with your grief and still peddling fast to find time in The Word and keep plugged into a fellowship. Then the life challenges that are not obvious and then the attacks of the enemy. May The Lord provide a strength and stamina for you, but also a joy that like the sun can pierce dark clouds and make you smile. I enjoyed watching a blue jay the other day - very pretty. And I have honeysuckle somewhere nearby that has been a sweet aroma occasionally. Little things that dont take away the pain and hardship, but cause my focus to adjust, if just for a moment, to The Lord's supremacy and beauty. May He give you moments like that and even moments favorable to share such things with your children. Bless you sister.

 

[nicolacov]

|I was just reading through the posts i put up a couple years ago and the responses. I had forgotten about our conversations. This forum helped so much and i am greatful! Still having issues with that no sex thing though lol! but God has been faithful! I love ya'll. stay encouraged!

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

|I was just reading through the posts i put up a couple years ago and the responses. I had forgotten about our conversations. This forum helped so much and i am greatful! Still having issues with that no sex thing though lol! but God has been faithful! I love ya'll. stay encouraged!

Then maybe you are supposed to get married again. But besides that you are doing better? That is good news sister!