Help

[Tomie]

I've been having a problem that's been really scaring me. I used to get these near overwhelming urges to do things like break something in a store or yell <edit> at some random woman. I never did because, well, those things are bad. It wasn't like I was angry or anything...it was a physical "need". It's hard to explain. It's like trying not to scratch an itch.

Anyway, I've started getting those feelings again. Expect this time I have the urge hurt myself. It's almost like...I dunno...there's this part of me that's fighting not to do these things and I'm afraid it's going to get "turned off" or something. I've tried talking to someone about it, but I was just brushed off and told nothing was wrong with me and I just wasn't getting enough "stimulation".

I've also been afraid of hurting other people.

I really don't know what to do. If I try and talk to a professional I'll just get locked up in a mental hospital and drugged up. I'm not exaggerating here. This *is* what will happen. It happened to someone I know.











I don't know how to get help.

 

[RETS]

Hi, Tomie.

When I first started cutting, I did so as a form of pain management. It turned into a vicious cycle that God alone got me out of, and not before I literally killed myself.

What I learned from my experience is this: We all need to talk to someone. Someone that can be trusted to keep their mouths shut, of course, but also someone we can trust to support us in our struggle. The first person like that for me was my adopted sister. The second was the assistant pastor at my church.

My sister I could talk to and get the support and love I needed. She would listen as I spilled my guts, and encourage or comfort me as was fitting the need. My assistant pastor was a very laid back gentleman, a young man really, who had seen a lot of things himself. He never got judgmental, never once laid any sort of trip on me, and never told anyone else about what I struggled with. He and my sister would talk to each other every now and again, but I'd given my blessing to that.

Point is this: Find someone you can talk to. The professional community is a bit overhyped. Often, it is simple support and a listening ear we need- And if you look hard enough, I'm sure you'll find one.


In the meantime, I'll be praying for you.



God bless.

 

[Mling]

If I understand right--you feel urges to do violent or quasi-violent things, but never act on them?

If that's accurate then well...there isn't anything wrong with you, I don't think. I think that's really common.

At least, I know, I have similar urges (to destroy things and to hurt other people), and any time I've brought them up, somebody always responds with "You feel that too? So do I!"
I'd think--take a few minutes, when you're alone to imagine doing something you feel the urge to do, in as much realistic detail as you can. Not just the details that might seem appealing, but every detail. If it still seems appealing, you might have a problem, but if realism turns you off, you're probably fine.

Your self-control isn't just going to disappear, and neither is your knowledge of right and wrong, or your empathy. But the more power you give the feelings, the more they'll control you. The best tactic I've found is to just accept that sometimes I have unpleasant feelings, the same way I have nightmares, and to just brush them off when I have them. The feelings point out that I could hurt somebody close to me? I just shrug and tell them "yeah, whatever." I don't even tell them "no," because it isn't worth it--saying no suggests it's a real temptation, and ultimately, I know that I'm not going to do it, so why give the feeling that much energy or power?

You know the saying about the two wolves--one for good and one for evil? The one you feed is the one that wins? Well--don't feed this wolf. Don't devote energy to worrying about it, or consciously resisting it. It pokes it's head up and you shrug. You don't say "go away," you say, "eh...whatever."

After a while, it stops being a "temptation," or an "urge," and it becomes a little unpleasant experience that your subconscious throws at you once in a while--the image of something bad, that fades quickly because you don't do anything with it.

Good luck. I know, it's a nasty mental quirk to be stuck with--you end up imagining a lot of things you'd rather not imagine. But it's a quirk you share with a lot of people, and even if it never goes away entirely (it hasn't, for me) it can be subdued pretty completely.