my husband and i both have myspace accounts. i added my ex boyfriend to my friends list. i didn't think it was a big deal or i wouldn't have done it. i haven't talked to him in 7 or 8 years so i sent an email asking him how him and his son was doing. well my husband thinks that i want something more with my ex. but i dont. i told him that i follow the lord and wouldnt cheat on him. but he just wont stop fighting with me about it. i told him i would delete his account and that i would just delete my whole account so we didnt have that to fight about. and he said why so you can hide stuff from me. my ex never emailed me back so i just let it go and never tried to email him again. but my husband doesnt believe me. he said he didnt trust me either. i asked him what he wanted me to do and he said that i couldnt do anything. he keeps telling me that i dont love him. i just dont know what to do. i love him very much but i hate that he is treating me like this and pushing me away. can anyone help me??/
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AMOG
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Sounds like he is in need of some serious counceling.... I cannot imagine what it must be like to have such low self esteam.
One of the things social networking has doen is make it easy to get back in touch with our past (assuming you want to. <grin>) I have "friends" that are past college friends, girl friends, whatever. If I was interested in carrying on a relationship with them they wouldn't be Exes....
I'm sorry, I have no sympathy for the man at all. He needs to grow up and realize everyone has a past and there is NOTHING wrong with occasionaly wondering what someone who is now comfortably in the past is doing with their life. If what you have related in the above post is true you are not in any way out of line. Having the generous gesture you made to just drop the whole account shoved back in your face only makes it worse.
But sorry, I have no real idea how to take someone so obvously damaged and set them back to rights. You have a real piece of work on your hands.
One of the things social networking has doen is make it easy to get back in touch with our past (assuming you want to. <grin>) I have "friends" that are past college friends, girl friends, whatever. If I was interested in carrying on a relationship with them they wouldn't be Exes....
I'm sorry, I have no sympathy for the man at all. He needs to grow up and realize everyone has a past and there is NOTHING wrong with occasionaly wondering what someone who is now comfortably in the past is doing with their life. If what you have related in the above post is true you are not in any way out of line. Having the generous gesture you made to just drop the whole account shoved back in your face only makes it worse.
But sorry, I have no real idea how to take someone so obvously damaged and set them back to rights. You have a real piece of work on your hands.
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hisbloodformysins
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oh yeah, i typed a response last night but the computer froze up before i could post it.....
I considered searching for old boyfriends the other night on myspace, not because of romantic intentions but just out of curiosity... but then I had a warning drop in my heart not to, and i decided not to. I know that my husband wouldn't have liked it regardless of how i rationalized it. Here's my thoughts on it.... is having your ex as a friend really worth it? Think about it, you are not connected anymore with your ex, but rather your husband... it's really about which relationship is more important, and by keeping him on there regardless of your husband's wishes you are saying loud and clear "i care more about connecting with my ex then the state of our connection".
Putting your husband down about it is not going to be effective. He feels what he feels, period. He shouldn't HAVE to try to be logical about it, does that make sense?
HB
I considered searching for old boyfriends the other night on myspace, not because of romantic intentions but just out of curiosity... but then I had a warning drop in my heart not to, and i decided not to. I know that my husband wouldn't have liked it regardless of how i rationalized it. Here's my thoughts on it.... is having your ex as a friend really worth it? Think about it, you are not connected anymore with your ex, but rather your husband... it's really about which relationship is more important, and by keeping him on there regardless of your husband's wishes you are saying loud and clear "i care more about connecting with my ex then the state of our connection".
Putting your husband down about it is not going to be effective. He feels what he feels, period. He shouldn't HAVE to try to be logical about it, does that make sense?
HB
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Million Pieces
SHMILY
Listen to one who's been there. If it causes your husband hard feelings, delete the ex. hisblood has a vary pointed comment "by keeping him on there regardless of your husband's wishes you are saying loud and clear "i care more about connecting with my ex then the state of our connection"."
Seriously, it's not worth it. If he says he's in any way uncomfortable with it, DO NOT DO IT. This is your husband, he deserves your absolute respect in EVERY way.
Seriously, it's not worth it. If he says he's in any way uncomfortable with it, DO NOT DO IT. This is your husband, he deserves your absolute respect in EVERY way.
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DZoolander
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Well, your husband is over-reacting in my humble opinion.
To be fair, though, I wouldn't be happy if my wife started collecting a bunch of ex's on her myspace account, or whatever else. I have made a pretty clear and conscious choice to keep my exes out of our lives - and when we were dating - she made it clear she had the same intention. It's just never a good idea - even in the best of cases.
Soooo - yeah - probably wasn't a smart move of you to do that. However - your husband doesn't need to take the fact that you got curious (the internet is great for "curiosity" - I mean - you can anonymously check on anyone for the most part) as a sign that you don't love him. That's just stupid (in my opinion). You're human - and you're gonna let your mind wander. Furthermore - you're a woman (lol - sorry - but I think women are just more prone to that kinda stuff)... so it's to be expected.
I'd just explain to him one more time that you simply were curious. You apologize. You didn't mean to have it take on this monsterous proportion that it has... You are firmly devoted to him... the fact you got curious about an ex doesn't detract from that... and you hope he accepts it. If he cannot - then tell him you want to go to couples therapy...because you're not going to live a life where you're constantly given that kind of nonsense simply because you got curious what someone from your past was doing.
To be fair, though, I wouldn't be happy if my wife started collecting a bunch of ex's on her myspace account, or whatever else. I have made a pretty clear and conscious choice to keep my exes out of our lives - and when we were dating - she made it clear she had the same intention. It's just never a good idea - even in the best of cases.
Soooo - yeah - probably wasn't a smart move of you to do that. However - your husband doesn't need to take the fact that you got curious (the internet is great for "curiosity" - I mean - you can anonymously check on anyone for the most part) as a sign that you don't love him. That's just stupid (in my opinion). You're human - and you're gonna let your mind wander. Furthermore - you're a woman (lol - sorry - but I think women are just more prone to that kinda stuff)... so it's to be expected.
I'd just explain to him one more time that you simply were curious. You apologize. You didn't mean to have it take on this monsterous proportion that it has... You are firmly devoted to him... the fact you got curious about an ex doesn't detract from that... and you hope he accepts it. If he cannot - then tell him you want to go to couples therapy...because you're not going to live a life where you're constantly given that kind of nonsense simply because you got curious what someone from your past was doing.
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You need to get rid of the connection to the ex and move on. I can't imagine you'd be happy about your husband spending time with another woman. So it is with him. Let this blow over and give him no reason to think you are interested in other guys.
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well my husband is friends with one of my ex boyfriends and it doesnt bother him. he even brings him to our house. i dont understand why this ex is any different. he has been saying that im cheating on him long before this happened. i have 2 kids so i dont really ever go any where. and when i do go he is usually with me.i visit my mom and my sister every once in a while. and he has told me that i dont live up to his expectations of a wife and mother just because the house isnt as clean as he would like it to be. i have 2 yound kids its hard to get any thing done. i do the best i can and he just doesnt care. i try to tell him how i feel and he tells me to get over it. so i just bottle everything up. he works away so hes only home on the weekends and he always goes to his friends house while i sit at home with the kids. he does help out with the kids when he is actually home. hes always telling me that i cant do anything right. he says if i would listen to him and do everything he says then everything would be fine. and i just tell him hes not my dad. i need to make my own mistakes and ill learn and grow from it.
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DZoolander
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PerrySB
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It sounds like your husband has a lot of insecurities unless you have given him some reason to believe you are being unfaithful. It also sounds like he has some control issues but that is just a guess. Since you have severed the connection with your ex he should be fine with that. The fact that he is gone during the week that may be causing some of his insecurities by wondering what you are doing while he is gone.
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oh and he just added his ex girlfriend that he was in love with and he told me before that it was between me and her. i didnt love my ex.
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DZoolander
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Million Pieces
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From my experience, when my husband drew away from me, and was gone for work for days at a time, he tended to project his own unhappiness on me. He was demanding, he was jealous, he was harsh, he was cruel, and he made it all my fault.
There may be nothing at all between you and your ex. But for now, it is something wedging between you and your husband. You will likely have to be the bigger person and bite that bullet on this. It might end up being a non-issue. What I can suggest for yourself, is to find a sympathetic friend close to you, someone to be a listening ear and a means of moral support. An accountability partner, if it comes down to that. Don't bottle it up. Whatever you do, don't do what I did, don't insulate yourself away from the sources of support and help.
If you don't mind, I'd like to ask my DH to come in and see if he has any words of advice or insight for you, from what might be closer to your husband's point of view. It might be a day or two until he can post something here, but I really do think he might have some good words for you.
There may be nothing at all between you and your ex. But for now, it is something wedging between you and your husband. You will likely have to be the bigger person and bite that bullet on this. It might end up being a non-issue. What I can suggest for yourself, is to find a sympathetic friend close to you, someone to be a listening ear and a means of moral support. An accountability partner, if it comes down to that. Don't bottle it up. Whatever you do, don't do what I did, don't insulate yourself away from the sources of support and help.
If you don't mind, I'd like to ask my DH to come in and see if he has any words of advice or insight for you, from what might be closer to your husband's point of view. It might be a day or two until he can post something here, but I really do think he might have some good words for you.
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hisbloodformysins
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I think I can relate with some of your experiences.... like the fact that I tell my husband how I feel and he tells me to get over it. It sounds to me like what you are trying to say is that you're lonely. Is that why you are holding on so hard to keeping your ex on myspace?
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hisbloodformysins
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Did he do that to get even??
I also got a thought... wondering if he might be jealous because of feeling insecure due to your unhappiness with your relationship right now? It's like wife unhappy + add an ex boyfriend to myspace= something I should be concerned about....
Do you think that could be it?
HB
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yea i think you are right. o i forgot to add that we have been together for 6 1/2 years and married for 2. i was going to delete my ex last night until i saw that he put his ex on . i know it sounds childish but im just so sick and tired of everything. he doesnt believe a word that comes out of my mouth. and i have my mom my gram and my sister to talk 2 but i feel like i cant talk to them about certin things. and since i had my kids none of my old friends really ever talk to me. i have one good friend but she works alot and she lives like an hour away so its hard to get together with her or anything. i am a stay at home mom (i want a job but my husband doesnt want me to work) i dont really have a life beyond these walls.
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DZoolander
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How can you have been together for 6.5 years (when you're 20) - and you have an ex?
That means you started dating around 13 or 14. How old were you with this ex? Like...12? lol
That means you started dating around 13 or 14. How old were you with this ex? Like...12? lol
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snoochface
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Seriously....
This whole thing is really kind of immature. Have you had any couples' counseling at all? It just sounds like you both need to work on your trust and communication, and stop worrying about kid-stuff like MySpace.
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i dont think your funny. i haven't talked to my ex in 7 or 8 years. we have been together since i was like 15. what does our age have to do with anything. you are not helping your just bringing me down even more. im having a problem and all your worried about is how old we are
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