help

[anstair88]

i came here for help not criticism.

 

[LoisGriffin]

Its not making fun but I would hardly call a childhood crush, which as a pre-teen is what it is, a boyfriend.

It seems a massive exaggeration. You guys are adults now so forget who you played kiss chase with as children.

 

[DZoolander]

It *is* relevant because it points to just how stupid this entire thing is - and just how stupid your "husband" (sorry - I just have to put that in quotes - all things considered) is being.

Your "husband" is throwing a fit because you got curious about some dude you "went-with" in the 5th and/or 6th grade and you added the kid (who ignored you as he should...after all...it wasn't a relationship) to your myspace page? That doesn't even count as a boyfriend.

I'm sorry - children shouldn't be married. Tell your husband he's being a moron.

 

[snoochface]

You're 20 years old and your husband is all upset over an "ex" that you haven't talked to since you were 13. That's why age is important to this situation and maturity is an issue being brought up to you. It's not criticism, it's observation and awareness.

I'm not sure how anyone can advise you if you take it all as criticism. What kind of help are you looking for here?

 

[anstair88]

all i can say is wow.

 

[snoochface]

all i can say is wow.

Why?

You were 13 when you last spoke to your ex, right? Is that time-frame correct?

So your husband is jealous over a kid you were crushing on when you were a kid? Is there more to it than that? If so, we're not getting the whole picture.

If that's what it is, then your husband is being incredibly immature and insecure. There's not a whole lot more to say -- you should delete the guy, your husband should stop playing games and should delete the girl he added, and honestly both of you should probably get off MySpace altogether since you seem to use it as weapons against each other.

Do you have a pastor or some kind of mentor at church you can talk to for some counseling? I think it would be beneficial to you both.

 

[PolarBear3]

yea this has gotten way out of hand. but i guess its all my fault.

yea i think you are right. o i forgot to add that we have been together for 6 1/2 years and married for 2. i was going to delete my ex last night until i saw that he put his ex on . i know it sounds childish but im just so sick and tired of everything. he doesnt believe a word that comes out of my mouth. and i have my mom my gram and my sister to talk 2 but i feel like i cant talk to them about certin things. and since i had my kids none of my old friends really ever talk to me. i have one good friend but she works alot and she lives like an hour away so its hard to get together with her or anything. i am a stay at home mom (i want a job but my husband doesnt want me to work) i dont really have a life beyond these walls.

It sounds to me like this is a much bigger problem than just putting an ex on MySpace. First this is not *all* your fault. Why are you taking all of the blame yourself? Maybe you shouldn't have put your ex on your page without talking to your husband about it first, but he didn't need to react the way he did. It sounds like your husband blames you for a lot of things, but that doesn't mean he shouldn't share some of the blame too. Second, the fact that your husband doesn't want you to work even though you want to have a job makes me think that your husband has control issues. Why doesn't he want you to work? Also, you're feeling isolated. Is there a moms or parents group you can join? If there isn't one nearby, maybe start one through your church? Or try to connect with other women in your church.

To me, it sounds like you and your husband need to talk to a counselor or pastor about the trust/control issues that are in your marriage. And it also sounds like you both need to stop being childish and take the exes off of MySpace. If he doesn't, go ahead and take the "high road" and take your ex off of your page.

 

[anstair88]

i wanted to talk to my pastor. i even went to the pastor and asked him if we could talk. and he said to call and set up an apointment. but my husband said no. he said we always work things out ourselves. it might seem like we do to him but not to me. but i just keep my mouth shut and bottle it up. its just easier for me that way.

 

[Redguard]

To sum it up shortly, what's happening in your situation is larger than anything anyone here can help you with.

From the sounds of it, if it wasn't MySpace... then it would definitely be something else like Facebook... Twitter... or maybe even ChristianForums (please don't save me as a friend. )

A lot of situations that involve one or both spouses blowing up over small stuff usually point to there being an unresolved issue. Like an insecurity or a broken trust issue from the past.

The first step is surely to put an end to the MySpace account(s) if it's so clear that it's causing a rift in your marriage.

The next step would be a deep conversation, either alone or with the moderation of a professional, about what boundaries haven't been discussed in your relationship.

 

[RedTulipMom]

you and your hubby both need to grow up and start acting like married adults. He obviously put his ex on myspace to get back at you and that is childish. You need to take your ex off my space pronto! Don't keep your ex on because he added his ex..this is silly..where does it end? You two need to sit down and have a long honest talk. I will tell you from experience that bottling things up is only going to make things worse. Start talking to your hubby, being honest with him about your feelings. Share with him. He is your spouse, your other half, your best friend, your lover. Become one flesh with him. Ask him if you guys could start over and both take the exes off myspace. Apologize to him for your part in all this and tell him how much you love him. Assure him that you will always be faithful to him. He obviously has some insecurities, help him be reassured. Give of yourself to your husband, forgive and love. That is what we are called to as Christian spouses. If you want to talk further i would be happy to talk on pm and mentor you. i went through many years of difficulty and immaturity in my marriage too. If i knew then what i know now things would have been done sooo differently. I think you said you have 2 children...remember YOU and HUBBY are their EXAMPLE. you need God's help to change and BECOME the mature christian wife and mother he wants you to be. Start with prayer and make sure God is #1 in your life. I will be praying for you. hugs.

 

[Justaman0000]

I'm anstair88's husband. I know this post is super old, but just in case anyone comes across this, I would like to add that there is way more to this story. It's 2022 now, and I stayed together with my wife for the kids, and I'm still sticking it out. She didn't just add her ex on myspace. She added him on facebook as well, and I found messages between the two of them including one where she told him that she loved him. This all happened in early 2009. In June 2009 she turned 21 and started hitting the club with her cousin, and hiding it from me. She also began getting intimate with at least 2 guys that I know of. I confronted one about it and he stopped talking to her, but I know they were talking and sending pictures to each other in the middle of the night because of our shared verizon account records. The other guy's girlfriend messaged me and told me what was going on. Then the guy messaged me and told me what was going on, and sent me one of the pictures that she sent him. They were sending nudes to each other. He also told me that they had sex. This all pretty much stopped once I caught her, at least to my knowledge. I somewhat forgave her and moved on for the kid's sake. I also had my friends contacting me and telling me that she was going around saying that I beat her. I've never touched her like that in my life. In fact, she has hit me on three occasions. Once she slapped me while I was holding my daughter. Another time she pushed me into our kitchen table over a pack of cigarettes that I jokingly hid from her. The last time wasn't long ago. She was drunk and put me in a headlock, twisting my neck, and ran me into the kitchen counter. I know martial arts, and I take BJJ. I had to take her down to get out of it. I thought she was going to break my neck. She started crying and ran out of the house. Also, this name "anstair88" used to also be her email address on yahoo. I just recently found out it was deleted, and when I questioned her about it she denys ever having the account, or anything to do with the name anstair88. Finding that suspicious, I investigated and found her account linked to an account on OKCupid. So, she has been on at least one dating website. Finally, I was extremely against her working for several reasons, one, she had a job before at a covenient store, and she kept blowing all her money on lottery tickets. Every week she was asking me for money, and on top of that, I had to pay for daycare. It didn't make sense for her to work at the time. I made a ton of money, and she had a nice weekly allowance as well as being on my checking account for any other needs. Two, she agreed to be a stay at home mom until the kids both went to school, in which after I agreed to help her pursue a career, which is what happened, and I paid for her schooling. She is now a nurse. Three, I've learned on more than one occasion that she isn't trustworthy as a human being. Not in a relationship, or financially.