I know that parents can get on all your nerves and they usually know whats best for you... but this time i don't think they're thinking about me...
Well my relationship the christ was non-existant before i met steven... Before i met him i'd go to church and sit... i wouldn't listen to the sermon, i wouldn't sing hymns, i wouldn't even think about God. I just went because my dad wanted me to go. I'd tried to go to youth but theres something you need to understand about my youth group... we have a huge church- every sunday we have 4 services and even then some people usually have to stand up in the back. (its a methodist church)Well our youth is GIANT and very,very,very, VERY clickish. By clickish i mean that they have their own little groups of friends and they welcome NO ONE new... Then once the sermon starts, the youth is either talking to the person next to them or they're on their cell phones text messaging other people in the congregation. No one seems like they want to learn about God, and no one cares about the new kids. So before i was with steven i'd been tired of the way our youth was... so i'd been going to the adult sermon and just sat there. I didn't feel comfortable anywhere in our big church...
So after me and steven got together i saw this happiness in him that i'd never seen before in anyone else. But i continued going to my church and feeling the same emptiness inside me... as if something were missing. Then steven left for a mission trip to passport. It was about mid week... i think tuesday when i had a dream...
My family and i'd gone to a water park for vacation. We'd never been there before and we were walking around to all the new rides and things... so we walk up to this show and sit down in the audience. Then all of a sudden i feel horribly sick. So i tell my dad and he starts asking people for some tylenol when one of the actors from the stage comes to us saying he's a doctor and can help us. The stage seemed like a hospital room when we walked up there. (I'm deathly afraid of hospitals and anything to do with hospitals--needles, shots, knives, blood...ect) So they lay me down on this hospital bed and start running tests to see whats wrong with me. Within the hour the actor comes up to me and tells me that i have a terminal cancer. (this is when it starts getting wierd...) I can see myself as i hear the news. I can tell that im terrified. The doctor says that if i have a surgury within a couple of minutes i could be saved... if i didn't take the surgury then i'd die within the day. So im looking at myself and tons of things come across my mind. First i don't want to surgury... but im not ready to die. Im not ready to leave my loved ones, im not ready to face God. I've been so horrible and God deserves so much more that i hadn't given him. So i talk to myself. I try to bribe myself to get the surgury by talking about God and steven and my dad. Then the doctor calls my dad into the room and starts explaining whats happening. As i look at my dad i see this big light and everything goes black. I WOKE UP.
So yeah that dream scared me a little bit but i didn't think much about it... that is until i heard from steven:
Steven called the next night to see how i was and to tell me how his missions were going. He was having a blast. I loved hearing his voice again, filled with excitement and love... So he starts telling me about his day. It was their free day to go to the beach and just hang out. At the end of the day one of the pastors gave a sermon of God's love. And one thing really hit steven from that sermon: GOD THINKS ABOUT YOU MORE TIMES A DAY THAN THE NUMBER OF GRAINS OF SAND ON ALL THE WORLD'S BEACHES. At first i was like 'yeah i know... thats cool' but then i heard his response to it. He was amazed, shocked, overjoyed... then it made me think about it. THATS ALOT OF TIMES for god to think about me. He must really love me if he thinks of me that many times in one day! Thats incredible. Theres no way to explain how much i felt the lords love in my heart after hearing about that sermon. And steven was still excited about it. It was at that minute that i realized that i want that. I want to be that happy. I want to be that close with God. I want to be God's best friend. I want him to know how much i really do care about him and how greatful i am for him giving his son for my sins.
I don't know if it was the dream, the testimony, or both but after that day i knew God was trying to reach out to me... and this time i heard him.
So back to my problem... My youth group.
I just feel like everyon is there for the wrong reasons and i still feel like im not welcome in my church. And so i got my friend joe to start comming with me to services... its a little better but its still uncomfortable. One day steven talked me into going to his youth group... I walked into that building and i felt at home. Everyone was greeting me and were happy to see me there. Its a smaller baptist church and you could see them craving the lord every time they open a bible. I love that church! So i told my mom that i really like it and i'd like to go back some time. I know i can't become a member of that church but i'd like to go there on sundays. But the thing is that my mom thinks im just going to be with steven. What she doesn't know is that everytime i go, we're split up into guys and girls groups... so im never around him anyways... And everytime i talk about that church i get a lecture about how im not going to that church.. and how its important for us to go to church as a family so i have to deal with asbury. I don't understand why its such a big deal that we go to the same church... usually my little brother and sister go to sunday school, and me and my grandma go to other services anyways. I get so fustrated because i just found somewhere i feel comfortable, and its like my mom feels threatened that i like that other church. It just isn't fair. So now i have to try to get my friend Joe to come with me to services or else i start back into my old ways... drifting from God again. AND I DON"T WANT THAT TO HAPPEN. I just don't know what to do.
Well my relationship the christ was non-existant before i met steven... Before i met him i'd go to church and sit... i wouldn't listen to the sermon, i wouldn't sing hymns, i wouldn't even think about God. I just went because my dad wanted me to go. I'd tried to go to youth but theres something you need to understand about my youth group... we have a huge church- every sunday we have 4 services and even then some people usually have to stand up in the back. (its a methodist church)Well our youth is GIANT and very,very,very, VERY clickish. By clickish i mean that they have their own little groups of friends and they welcome NO ONE new... Then once the sermon starts, the youth is either talking to the person next to them or they're on their cell phones text messaging other people in the congregation. No one seems like they want to learn about God, and no one cares about the new kids. So before i was with steven i'd been tired of the way our youth was... so i'd been going to the adult sermon and just sat there. I didn't feel comfortable anywhere in our big church...
So after me and steven got together i saw this happiness in him that i'd never seen before in anyone else. But i continued going to my church and feeling the same emptiness inside me... as if something were missing. Then steven left for a mission trip to passport. It was about mid week... i think tuesday when i had a dream...
My family and i'd gone to a water park for vacation. We'd never been there before and we were walking around to all the new rides and things... so we walk up to this show and sit down in the audience. Then all of a sudden i feel horribly sick. So i tell my dad and he starts asking people for some tylenol when one of the actors from the stage comes to us saying he's a doctor and can help us. The stage seemed like a hospital room when we walked up there. (I'm deathly afraid of hospitals and anything to do with hospitals--needles, shots, knives, blood...ect) So they lay me down on this hospital bed and start running tests to see whats wrong with me. Within the hour the actor comes up to me and tells me that i have a terminal cancer. (this is when it starts getting wierd...) I can see myself as i hear the news. I can tell that im terrified. The doctor says that if i have a surgury within a couple of minutes i could be saved... if i didn't take the surgury then i'd die within the day. So im looking at myself and tons of things come across my mind. First i don't want to surgury... but im not ready to die. Im not ready to leave my loved ones, im not ready to face God. I've been so horrible and God deserves so much more that i hadn't given him. So i talk to myself. I try to bribe myself to get the surgury by talking about God and steven and my dad. Then the doctor calls my dad into the room and starts explaining whats happening. As i look at my dad i see this big light and everything goes black. I WOKE UP.
So yeah that dream scared me a little bit but i didn't think much about it... that is until i heard from steven:
Steven called the next night to see how i was and to tell me how his missions were going. He was having a blast. I loved hearing his voice again, filled with excitement and love... So he starts telling me about his day. It was their free day to go to the beach and just hang out. At the end of the day one of the pastors gave a sermon of God's love. And one thing really hit steven from that sermon: GOD THINKS ABOUT YOU MORE TIMES A DAY THAN THE NUMBER OF GRAINS OF SAND ON ALL THE WORLD'S BEACHES. At first i was like 'yeah i know... thats cool' but then i heard his response to it. He was amazed, shocked, overjoyed... then it made me think about it. THATS ALOT OF TIMES for god to think about me. He must really love me if he thinks of me that many times in one day! Thats incredible. Theres no way to explain how much i felt the lords love in my heart after hearing about that sermon. And steven was still excited about it. It was at that minute that i realized that i want that. I want to be that happy. I want to be that close with God. I want to be God's best friend. I want him to know how much i really do care about him and how greatful i am for him giving his son for my sins.
I don't know if it was the dream, the testimony, or both but after that day i knew God was trying to reach out to me... and this time i heard him.
So back to my problem... My youth group.
I just feel like everyon is there for the wrong reasons and i still feel like im not welcome in my church. And so i got my friend joe to start comming with me to services... its a little better but its still uncomfortable. One day steven talked me into going to his youth group... I walked into that building and i felt at home. Everyone was greeting me and were happy to see me there. Its a smaller baptist church and you could see them craving the lord every time they open a bible. I love that church! So i told my mom that i really like it and i'd like to go back some time. I know i can't become a member of that church but i'd like to go there on sundays. But the thing is that my mom thinks im just going to be with steven. What she doesn't know is that everytime i go, we're split up into guys and girls groups... so im never around him anyways... And everytime i talk about that church i get a lecture about how im not going to that church.. and how its important for us to go to church as a family so i have to deal with asbury. I don't understand why its such a big deal that we go to the same church... usually my little brother and sister go to sunday school, and me and my grandma go to other services anyways. I get so fustrated because i just found somewhere i feel comfortable, and its like my mom feels threatened that i like that other church. It just isn't fair. So now i have to try to get my friend Joe to come with me to services or else i start back into my old ways... drifting from God again. AND I DON"T WANT THAT TO HAPPEN. I just don't know what to do.
