help

[Punished]

I dont know where this should go so I'll let you guys move it.....

I seriously think my whole life crashed down on top of me on saturday and now I dont know what to do and where to turn. My fiance of one year and two months broke up with me on saturday.... he didnt seem emotional, he was just cold and there was no explanation for it. We live together and yes he has been really sweet sometimes but at other times he's distant like he isnt even there.
He says things like next month Im going to leave and never see you again... but the thing is I know he isnt cheating and I know he isnt suicidal. I dont know why he broke up with me but it hurts.
My whole world has come down around me in one short little week. I dont know who I am and I dont even know if I know who he is anymore.
I dont think there is anything I can do to keep him from leaving and I want to kill myself sometimes when I think about it.
There is nothing in this world that I want more than to be with him the way we were. He is supposed to come home tonight and he said "I'll tell you everything"... Im scared and Im angery and Im frustrated..... I want to rewind time and see this coming.
Even after we broke up he said it was just temporary, he said we would work things out. But I could see it in his eyes then that he was only saying it because he loved me. I know he still loves me but its a different kind of love... I see pain and fear in his eyes, but when I try to get close so he can tell me whats wrong he pushes me away.
Everything is starting to scare me..... I want to jump off a cliff to make him care about me. Get in an accident so he comes.... or even be pregnant so he will give me time and stay.
Everything about him now is cold and distant I dont even know who he is... then he looks at me and his lip quivers so he looks away and leaves until he can come back and be cold and hard once again.
When I cry about it he just hugs me and tells me to stop that its time to let go... I cant get over something like that in five days things like this take time. I dont think I will ever love anyone like I love him.
Why does life have to hurt so bad? Why do people have to hurt others? A week previously he had written me a aniversary card it said "I love you with all the love I have in my heart, I never want to lose you, I never want to hurt you, happy anniversary baby"
I just cant get over the way things were... I had someone I thought I was going to have my future with and now I dont know whats happening I feel like Im being punished for some great unknown sin.
Someone say something to bring me comfort... or maybe someone has been in a simular situation.... I need advice... I need help or I might die because this is too much for me to handle.

 

[StarSapphire]

This is the intro thread, so you placed this in the wrong forum.

 

[Punished]

no kidding I couldnt find out where it went so a mod can move it...

 

[AdJesumPerMariam]

*Moved from intro thread

 

[3girls2dogs]

Sad that people were more concerned about where this was supposed to be than what she said. She asked for help.

Punished, I have no words that will take away your pain right now. I am sorry that you feel so lost and confused and hurt, and for me to try and tell you that everything will be ok would be wrong.

I will put you in my prayers tonight, and I hope that you get the answers from your fiance that you are seeking. I can tell you though, that you are loved by God, even if you are not sure of it.

Killing yourself won't make him care for you, and threatening to will only be forcing him to stay with you against his will. That can't be what you want. I know his leaving is causing you a great deal of pain, but if he stays because you want to hurt yourself, you will never know the real reason he is with you.

I wish I had magic words to take the pain away. But I do have one magic word in general. Prayer. If you want to chat or pray together, you can pm me. I will PM you so all you have to do is reply. I also have AIM and MSN, my names should be in my profile.

 

[Deb7777]

Actually, this is the right forum, struggles for non-christians, and you definitely have a struggle. Thank you for sharing, sometimes talking about it never hurts and I'm hoping others that have been in your shoes will respond also. I think you need to take a deep breath, you've been hit with a a shock, you didn't see it coming which makes it that much worse. The lord has a purpose for your life, its times like these that belief in God , a relationship with the Lord really helps us. Lean on the Lord right now to help you in this struggle, sometimes we don't see why things happen until way in the future. Read some of the posts here, alot of people struggling and know you are not alone. I'm praying for you, take it one day at a time, the Lord will help you through this and lead you ever closer to himself ,be assured of that! Unfortunately, humans can let us down, it happens all the time, the Lord, never! God bless you and keep sharing with us. I respond on this open forum but many I'm sure will be able to PM.

 

[Davis]

Sad that people were more concerned about where this was supposed to be than what she said. She asked for help.

Amen. That irked me as well.
I pray that you didnt do something harsh.

 

[AtheistPerson]

Wow. I don't want to seem mean, but do you know if he is on any medications. Sometimes those seem to cause harm. God's blessed you with misery.

 

[bethdinsmore]

So sorry for you pain, friend. Perhaps he feels enmeshed or like you are trying to control him. If he wants to work on these fears, Christian recovery groups such as Overcomers Outreach can be a huge help; Christian pre-marital counseling can also help a lot, but doesn't deal with those issues in as much depth. You could attend the groups together. If he doesn't want to continue the relationship, you could attend alone in order to learn how to send out the right signals to the next man in your life.

I know you have posted as a non-Christian, but I have seen the greatest effectiveness in the Christian counseling and recovery groups. In addition, anyone with suicidal thoughts should see a mental health care professional immediately.

I'll pray for you and for him. God bless you, friend. He can and will, if you are open to Him. Aloha in Jesus

 

[Davis]

Wow. I don't want to seem mean, but do you know if he is on any medications. Sometimes those seem to cause harm. God's blessed you with misery.

Your not supposed to be responding in this section of the forums.
Thank you.

Hang tight there punished. God has not blessed you with misery. But he will use your struggles for the good in the end. Trust in that. He knows best. I hope that brings some comfort to you. Personally I think that there is something going on with another person. Because I was unfaithfull to my wife at one point. Thank the Lord that He brought us back together again and forgave me. But the way he is acting is the same way I was acting. Exactly the same. Now this doesnt mean that thats whats taking place, but I think you should look into it a bit more to get the answers you are looking for. Feel free to PM me if need be.

 

[Phospho]

Dear punished....I have been there, listen....

I fell in love with a beautiful woman, and we have some awesome intimate times together (non-sexual), and it lasted almost a year. Then, just as you, one day she began to become distant and cold, she was getting ready to "dump" me. When she did, all I could do was cry, the pain was so terrible. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't go to work...all I could do was sit around, or drive around the country side, and cry.

It felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest, spit on, thrown to the ground, stomped on, crushed and destroyed. I found out later that part of this came about because she was co-dependent...upon a certain "type" of man, and even though we got along great and she even told me that she loved me, I was not the type of man that she needed. I don't care to know what type she did need, because it wasn't going to do me any good.

the facts were that I had fallen in love with her with all my heart, and she only loved me...I don't know if you can understand that or not. She cared about me, a great deal, but she could not fall in love with me because I was not what she needed (subconsciously) in order for that to happen. that may sound wierd to some people, but in the following months I researched and learned a great deal about relationships and how phsychology plays a huge part.

Perhaps this is what happened, but take it with a grain of salt. One thing that I can tell you for sure if you ever come back to this forum and read this entry...you will not die, it only feels like it. That has been 15 long years ago, and now I am marrie with three beautiful children and a lovely wife...as many others have already said, hang in there - but I find no scripture that says God blesses people with misery. Misery takes place in the human experience, and God is standing next to you waiting for you to lean on Him during this time of pain.

Hang in there...believe it or not right now, it will get better.
Blessings!

 

[GreenPartyVoter]

I am so sorry you are hurting right now. *hugs and prayers* I don't have the answers for you, I can only tell you that things can get better. They may not get better the way you want, with him still in your life romantically, but you can heal from this and love again. I promise.

I just can't make it happen any faster than your heart can heal. Please just trust me that this is not the end of everything and hang in there for the day that the hurt subsides.

 

[Punished]

I guess I should reply and let you all know how things are going. Yes everything still hurts and yes Im depressed, I still choke down my food and cry myself to sleep.
I am more confused now than I ever was because some days he is right there with me and other days I feel he is in another place and disconnected. I however wouldn't do anything stupid it just feels at times like there is no where to get rid of this overwhelming pain. I have hit things, broken things, screamed, cryed, and there is nothing that is helping. I thought that after a few weeks the pain would lessen but it hasn't, I guess even though I do not consider myself a christian I have been praying. I have yelled at God and I have prayed to Him all in the same sentance.
Now yes I still want him back but more than that even if we never get back together I want to find a remedy for this pain that I feel.

People reading this may think its a little overeacting because of a guy but the reason it is so painful is because growing up I had no one to trust therefore I grew up trusting no one. He was the first person I gave everything to, he was the only person I have ever told anything personal to and now I feel betrayed and alone.

Keep praying.....

 

[GreenPartyVoter]

I am sorry that it is still hard. *hugs* Try to get involved in other things, keep your sights set to the future as best you can.

And FYI yelling at God counts as praying. It's all right to be mad and to let Him know it. Just be fair and listen in case He wants to explain His side of things. *another hug*

 

[Davis]

I guess I should reply and let you all know how things are going. Yes everything still hurts and yes Im depressed, I still choke down my food and cry myself to sleep.
I am more confused now than I ever was because some days he is right there with me and other days I feel he is in another place and disconnected. I however wouldn't do anything stupid it just feels at times like there is no where to get rid of this overwhelming pain. I have hit things, broken things, screamed, cryed, and there is nothing that is helping. I thought that after a few weeks the pain would lessen but it hasn't, I guess even though I do not consider myself a christian I have been praying. I have yelled at God and I have prayed to Him all in the same sentance.
Now yes I still want him back but more than that even if we never get back together I want to find a remedy for this pain that I feel.

People reading this may think its a little overeacting because of a guy but the reason it is so painful is because growing up I had no one to trust therefore I grew up trusting no one. He was the first person I gave everything to, he was the only person I have ever told anything personal to and now I feel betrayed and alone.

Keep praying.....

Just like I said in my PM. My situation with the wife is the same thing. She gave EVERYTHING to me and she also had no one to trust except me in her life. I will continue to pray for you.

 

[Davis]

I am sorry that it is still hard. *hugs* Try to get involved in other things, keep your sights set to the future as best you can.

And FYI yelling at God counts as praying. It's all right to be mad and to let Him know it. Just be fair and listen in case He wants to explain His side of things. *another hug*

I agree. Its sounds to me that your praying very honestly right now.

 

[Observer]

*hug*

I can't think of anything to say to you but I wanted to tell you that I'll pray for you...

My boyfriend once started to get distant, and after a little while, he told me we had to break up. He told me it was because he's a Christian and I was a passive Atheist at the time. I was really shocked because it was all so sudden, because he was too confused to tell me when he first started considering breaking up. *I* was the one that actually introduced the unequally yoked thing, and he resisted it for a while, but, eventually he went through a stage where he seriously considered whether we could be together or not. ANYWAY, too many trivial details... when he broke up with me, I was devastated. I cried myself to sleep every night, it was horrible. One more night, I channeled ALL of my emotion into a prayer to God and begged him to just change my boyfriend's mind and give us hope and heal our relationship... I think the next day, my boyfriend realised that God did want us together. I'm just telling you all of this because God knows what's going on and he can truly help you sort the situation out with this guy. I got to a point where I absolutely had NO hope left in the situation with my boyfriend... other Christians were against us being together, we felt that GOD was against us being together, my feelings for my boyfriend switched off, I felt like there was NO hope... but then God changed it all, and we're still together. Just keep being honest with God and keep telling him how you feel... but try and keep it respectful... haha.

I'll pray that God will show you what your situation truly is, I'll pray that this guy tell you EXACTLY what's going on and the entire truth of it, and that you'll know exactly who this guy is and not have to be afraid of the unknown... that your life will be stable, and your perception of your life be stable... that you feel secure in your identity and know who you are... and that you just generally receive a clear solution to all of this and recover from it no matter what the outcome will be... and I'll pray that you simply get what you want and need because humans NEED that and God is happy to keep us happy. I'll pray for your spirituality & relationship with God.

 

[dvd_holc]

hi Punished,


There have been some kind words of comfort here. First and foremost in my view is that you must understand that you are not being punished for loving him. Love does not punish because you loved. Don’t blame love for what he did. Love does not force others to love make. Love invites others to further love.


Also, when I was younger I would not completely express my concerns and things that bothered me to my significant others. Eventually, everything that bothered me (because it was repeated over and over again) boiled up where I could no longer handle it. So then, I ran from relationships because they hurt. My first real problem was that I broke the relationship when I did not talk about it.


I see myself in your ex. Though the illusion that we put toward our significant others had a form of love it was not complete and it was because we did not complete it. It is hard for men to open up because of society’s view of men to be strong and handle whatever comes there way while staying silent to it. The man has to the rock. But we are human. We have the same emotions, desires, and concerns that women have. I am not blaming society. I am trying to give perception on the viewpoint of men. Even if you express comfort and love to him he has to believe and take apart in it. We crack and buckle with pressure. You ex buckled with the relationship. I don’t know why exactly. And, he might not want to speak to you about it.


Still, lashing out against yourself will not dull the pain. Trying to get his attention while harming yourself is not love for yourself. You do matter before he came along. You matter now he is gone. Your completeness (contrary to what people think) is not when you gain a husband. Further, it is not when you have children. If you follow life, there are always things to accomplish and further your life that never conclude. You do have an important level of intimacy of belong to a guy that you don’t have now. But, that relationship should be rooted in love, commitment, and truth. There is more to life than what society gives us.

In your prayer to God, you calling out for his guidance and help. Forgive. If you loved your ex, then forgive him. Don’t blame because that is hatred. Don’t harm yourself because you then hate yourself. Love is self controlled. Though we have a lot of passion in love, I don’t believe it chaotically strikes out. Your desire to harm yourself and to get his attention is not of you. Don’t be deceived to believe that the form of love of him trying to help you out is truly what you need to satisfy your need of love. And inherently, you have the love of the Father to whom you prayed. I suggest you look into it for peace and well being.

 

[Davis]

There is a reason why he is doing this though DVD. Maybe Punished will PM you about it.
But its not because he has stuff bottled up inside. He right now, is me in the past.

 

[dvd_holc]

There is a reason why he is doing this though DVD. Maybe Punished will PM you about it.
But its not because he has stuff bottled up inside. He right now, is me in the past.

Then I pray that you will help her with this burden so that she will be healed.