Help??

[Godsgirl481]

I am not sure why I am posting this really. I am just struggling so much right now. I feel sooooo depressed and lonely. I feel like God is so far away. I am terribly lonely...and I have sunken back into my little shell. I've been hurt a lot lately...and it has brought me back to a place where I feel I need to protect myself again. I am having suicidal thoughts again...about every day. I feel so weak and afraid I will start cutting again.

 

[Artos]

A PRAYER

Lord, you have examined me and you know me.

You know everything I do

from far away you understand all my thoughts.
You see me, whether I am working or resting; you know all my actions.
Even before I speak, you already know what I will say.



You are all around me on every side; you protect me with your power.
Your knowledge of me is too deep; it is beyond my understanding.

Where could I go to escape from you?
Where could I get away from your presence?
If I went up to heaven, you would be there;
if I lay down in the world of the dead, you would be there.
If I flew away beyond the east or lived in the farthest place in the west,
you would be there to lead me, you would be there to help me.


I could ask the darkness to hide me or the light around me to turn into night,
but even darkness is not dark for you, and the night is as bright as the day.
Darkness and light are the same to you.

You created every part of me; you put me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because you are to be feared; all you do is strange and wonderful.
I know it with all my heart.
When my bones were being formed, carefully put together in my mother's womb, when I was growing there in secret, you knew that I was there--
you saw me before I was born.
The days allotted to me had all been recorded in your book, before any of them ever began.



O God, how difficult I find your thoughts; how many of them there are!
If I counted them, they would be more than the grains of sand.

When I awake, I am still with you.


Examine me, O God, and know my mind; test me, and discover my thoughts.
Find out if there is any evil in me and guide me in the everlasting way.



(Portions of Psalm 139)

Jesus, set a hedge of protection around Bams and let her sense herself enfolded in Your arms of love. Cover her with your blood. Help her declare aloud again that you are Lord of :
1 her mind and her belief systems (whatever is wrong in her belief, let her be willing to be corrected by you)
2 her emotions and her feelings (you are more than her feelings...that you are not limited by what she feels)
3 her body (that her body no longer belongs to her. She is bought with the price of the life of Jesus. Having seen the movie THE PASSION, she will know what that means)
4 her spirit (she will have no other gods before you)
5 her will (she can make godly choices. And she will choose only Your will for her, not her own)

Amen.

 

[~Beauty_from_Pain~]

I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling so down. The sun will shine again...I know getting pep talks from other people can be slightly annoying...only God and yourself truly know the pain that you are going through. So call on God. Ask for His help and guidiance. If possible, talk to trusted friends/family who you can trust....talking about it is very helpful.....time heals all wounds....for the most part.....hang in there. You can message me any time you want....and I'll lend a listening ear!

 

[Mr.Cheese]

*hug*
Past couple of weeks have been busy so I've not been around much.

 

[DIVA_for_Christ]

I am not sure why I am posting this really. I am just struggling so much right now. I feel sooooo depressed and lonely. I feel like God is so far away. I am terribly lonely...and I have sunken back into my little shell. I've been hurt a lot lately...and it has brought me back to a place where I feel I need to protect myself again. I am having suicidal thoughts again...about every day. I feel so weak and afraid I will start cutting again.

Okay, you are not alone in this fight. I've never harmed myself by cutting or anything nor have I ever had suicidal thoughts in my past.

I've been so isolated lately that now I am under attack as well, I've been having suicidal thoughts, been drowning in self-pity, sorrow, grief, feel broken hearted, depressed, insomnia, excessive mourning, despair, dejection, hopelessness, rejection, inner hurt from torn spirit - can you relate to any of these? I'm sure you do, but please realize these are spirits attacking you the root spirit is heaviness.

God has already given you everything you need to beat this, through the power and spirit of Jesus and His blood.

This is spiritual warfare, you have to keep your faith and FIGHT. Fight by praising God for who He is and use His word.

Ps 149:6
6 May the praise of God be in their mouths
and a double-edged sword in their hands,

Meditate on the word to strengthen your spirit man. Here is another Psalm to minister to your spirit.
Psalm 91

1HE WHO [a]dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall remain stable and fixed under the shadow of the Almighty [Whose power no foe can withstand].


2I will say of the Lord, He is my Refuge and my Fortress, my God; on Him I lean and rely, and in Him I [confidently] trust!

3For [then] He will deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the deadly pestilence.

4[Then] He will cover you with His pinions, and under His wings shall you trust and find refuge; His truth and His faithfulness are a shield and a buckler.

5You shall not be afraid of the terror of the night, nor of the arrow (the evil plots and slanders of the wicked) that flies by day,

6Nor of the pestilence that stalks in darkness, nor of the destruction and sudden death that surprise and lay waste at noonday.

7A thousand may fall at your side, and ten thousand at your right hand, but it shall not come near you.

8Only a spectator shall you be [yourself inaccessible in the secret place of the Most High] as you witness the reward of the wicked.

9Because you have made the Lord your refuge, and the Most High your dwelling place,(A)

10There shall no evil befall you, nor any plague or calamity come near your tent.

11For He will give His angels [especial] charge over you to accompany and defend and preserve you in all your ways [of obedience and service].

12They shall bear you up on their hands, lest you dash your foot against a stone.(B)

13You shall tread upon the lion and adder; the young lion and the serpent shall you trample underfoot.(C)

14Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore will I deliver him; I will set him on high, because he knows and understands My name [has a personal knowledge of My mercy, love, and kindness--trusts and relies on Me, knowing I will never forsake him, no, never].

15He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. 16With long life will I satisfy him and show him My salvation.

 

[Tabfry]

I recently read this very encouraging message by Pastor Willis at Christ Church Kirkland-nondenom.

http://cckirkland.org/MESSAGES/07_03_05.asp

 

[Godsgirl481]

I recently read this very encouraging message by Pastor Willis at Christ Church Kirkland-nondenom.

http://cckirkland.org/MESSAGES/07_03_05.asp

Thank you all for reponding...I'm just having a hard time right now. I will be okay...I always am.

 

[Crusader_4_Christ]

I am not sure why I am posting this really. I am just struggling so much right now. I feel sooooo depressed and lonely. I feel like God is so far away. I am terribly lonely...and I have sunken back into my little shell. I've been hurt a lot lately...and it has brought me back to a place where I feel I need to protect myself again. I am having suicidal thoughts again...about every day. I feel so weak and afraid I will start cutting again.

Bams life isn't easy everyone has had their share of struggles. Loneliness is a form of suffering we all feel. Instead of focusing on yoru loneliness. Focus on how you can change it. It may even be an opportunity to draw closer to God.

I think your depression is coming from a sense of helplessness and isolation. Instead of despairing look for solutions things you can do to help yourself.

Sometimes being overly on guardis a bad thing. Only when you allow yourself to be vulnerable is when you can make a deep connection with others.

To keep yourself from being depressed. You need to find friends who share things in common with you and do things that you find meaningful. Pray to the Lord to give to put a conviction in your heart. When you have a cause your enthusiastic about, when you think outside of yourself you will feel better.

 

[Godsgirl481]

Bams life isn't easy everyone has had their share of struggles. Loneliness is a form of suffering we all feel. Instead of focusing on yoru loneliness. Focus on how you can change it. It may even be an opportunity to draw closer to God.

I think your depression is coming from a sense of helplessness and isolation. Instead of despairing look for solutions things you can do to help yourself.

Sometimes being overly on guardis a bad thing. Only when you allow yourself to be vulnerable is when you can make a deep connection with others.

To keep yourself from being depressed. You need to find friends who share things in common with you and do things that you find meaningful. Pray to the Lord to give to put a conviction in your heart. When you have a cause your enthusiastic about, when you think outside of yourself you will feel better.

Well...the depression is actually a combination of things. My first suidial thought was when I was 8. I've been through physical, sexual, mental, verbal, and spiritual abuse. I wasn't allowed to cry when I was abused...or I would be abused more...so I started hurting myself to let out emotions...and it became my main way of expressing any emotion. When I was 21...I moved to Kansas...in hopes of getting away from my outter termoil (my family) and be able to work on my insides. I have always had a super hard time trusting...and I terribly fear being abandoned. I did find a support system in Kansas...and was in counseling classes or sorts held by my church and was getting better, I got scared...met a guy online...and moved back to Florida to be with him (I had stopped cutting for about a year before I moved back). My boyfriend told me that if saw a cut anywhere on me...he would leave. Since we were living together...and obviously sleeping with each other...he would know if I slipped up and cut. I was introduced to cocain which became my drug of choice and my main sure of numbing myself...and I became a huge pot head. I was doing Extacy, pain pills and muscel relaxers...and even smoked rock for about a month. This all took the place of cutting...but after a year, it scared me cause I couldn't stop. I wasn't addicted to any one drug...I was addicted to them all...to the feeling of not feeling. I was kicked out of Billy's place, slept on someone's couch for 8 months wgile working 2 full time jobs trying to get back to Kansas. I am back in Kansas now...been here for a month. I don't have drugs available to me...I am trying soooo hard not to cut. I have no friends...and recently, a guy from here be friended me and said he liked me. We carried on a "relationship" for a few weeks. I really thought he wanted to be with me and I opened up to him and made myself vulnerable...once again...only to be hurt. My support group I had before I left is no longer a support group. I can't seem to even allow someone to shake my hand...so to allow them close enough to be my friend...that is just too frightening at the moment. I can't talk outloud about anything that hurts, so to ask for help.....

Anyways...not sure why I just said all of that. Just wanted to explain I suppose. Just hard for me right now.....

 

[churchlady]

Well...the depression is actually a combination of things. My first suidial thought was when I was 8. I've been through physical, sexual, mental, verbal, and spiritual abuse. I wasn't allowed to cry when I was abused...or I would be abused more...so I started hurting myself to let out emotions...and it became my main way of expressing any emotion. When I was 21...I moved to Kansas...in hopes of getting away from my outter termoil (my family) and be able to work on my insides. I have always had a super hard time trusting...and I terribly fear being abandoned. I did find a support system in Kansas...and was in counseling classes or sorts held by my church and was getting better, I got scared...met a guy online...and moved back to Florida to be with him (I had stopped cutting for about a year before I moved back). My boyfriend told me that if saw a cut anywhere on me...he would leave. Since we were living together...and obviously sleeping with each other...he would know if I slipped up and cut. I was introduced to cocain which became my drug of choice and my main sure of numbing myself...and I became a huge pot head. I was doing Extacy, pain pills and muscel relaxers...and even smoked rock for about a month. This all took the place of cutting...but after a year, it scared me cause I couldn't stop. I wasn't addicted to any one drug...I was addicted to them all...to the feeling of not feeling. I was kicked out of Billy's place, slept on someone's couch for 8 months wgile working 2 full time jobs trying to get back to Kansas. I am back in Kansas now...been here for a month. I don't have drugs available to me...I am trying soooo hard not to cut. I have no friends...and recently, a guy from here be friended me and said he liked me. We carried on a "relationship" for a few weeks. I really thought he wanted to be with me and I opened up to him and made myself vulnerable...once again...only to be hurt. My support group I had before I left is no longer a support group. I can't seem to even allow someone to shake my hand...so to allow them close enough to be my friend...that is just too frightening at the moment. I can't talk outloud about anything that hurts, so to ask for help.....

Anyways...not sure why I just said all of that. Just wanted to explain I suppose. Just hard for me right now.....

Bams, thank you for sharing what you did. I just want you to know that you are so precious in the Lord's sight. And with Him, you need never fear abandonment. I have walked with the Lord for over 30 years and the things I appreciate the most in His character are His gentleness, kindness, and tenderness........................all things that I expect you need to receive in bucketfuls.

Just keep turning to Him, sweetheart. He won't let you down.

I have added you to those on the recovery forum that I pray for. God bless you.

 

[Crusader_4_Christ]

Well...the depression is actually a combination of things. My first suidial thought was when I was 8. I've been through physical, sexual, mental, verbal, and spiritual abuse. I wasn't allowed to cry when I was abused...or I would be abused more...so I started hurting myself to let out emotions...and it became my main way of expressing any emotion. When I was 21...I moved to Kansas...in hopes of getting away from my outter termoil (my family) and be able to work on my insides. I have always had a super hard time trusting...and I terribly fear being abandoned. I did find a support system in Kansas...and was in counseling classes or sorts held by my church and was getting better, I got scared...met a guy online...and moved back to Florida to be with him (I had stopped cutting for about a year before I moved back). My boyfriend told me that if saw a cut anywhere on me...he would leave. Since we were living together...and obviously sleeping with each other...he would know if I slipped up and cut. I was introduced to cocain which became my drug of choice and my main sure of numbing myself...and I became a huge pot head. I was doing Extacy, pain pills and muscel relaxers...and even smoked rock for about a month. This all took the place of cutting...but after a year, it scared me cause I couldn't stop. I wasn't addicted to any one drug...I was addicted to them all...to the feeling of not feeling. I was kicked out of Billy's place, slept on someone's couch for 8 months wgile working 2 full time jobs trying to get back to Kansas. I am back in Kansas now...been here for a month. I don't have drugs available to me...I am trying soooo hard not to cut. I have no friends...and recently, a guy from here be friended me and said he liked me. We carried on a "relationship" for a few weeks. I really thought he wanted to be with me and I opened up to him and made myself vulnerable...once again...only to be hurt. My support group I had before I left is no longer a support group. I can't seem to even allow someone to shake my hand...so to allow them close enough to be my friend...that is just too frightening at the moment. I can't talk outloud about anything that hurts, so to ask for help.....

Anyways...not sure why I just said all of that. Just wanted to explain I suppose. Just hard for me right now.....

Those guys weren't Christians were they? Sometimes you have to make character judgements before committing to someone otherwise disappointment is bound to happen.

Perhaps the Lord is telling you that you do things your own way bad things will happen. Some times bad things happen to us that we can't help and that's not our fault. But many times we suffer because of our own decisions.

 

[Godsgirl481]

Those guys weren't Christians were they? Sometimes you have to make character judgements before committing to someone otherwise disappointment is bound to happen.

Perhaps the Lord is telling you that you do things your own way bad things will happen. Some times bad things happen to us that we can't help and that's not our fault. But many times we suffer because of our own decisions.

Yeah...I don't know....