Help with understanding my daughter

[twin.spin]

My daughter last Christmas asked to be released from WELS...then recently has decided to move in and live with her ELCA boyfriend. She has made it known that she doesn't want to be preached to, is fine with her decision, that people in the WELS are brainwashed and are almost a cult....and tells me if confronted with this she will hold it against me ...so she wants me to respect her decision. No surprise her boyfriend shares her views.

And the caveat is she will move with him to NY when he gets a new job there.

Needless to say, I'm ain't happy about this. How does a parent deal not look back about their child who...went to WELS grade school, confirmation, WELS high school and end up with views like that?

 

[Studeclunker]

Prov. 22:6-7

Train up a child in the way he should go,
and when he old he shall not depart from it.

Sadly, the Lord doesn't make any promises for the interim period. My heart goes out to you. Often our children have their faith placed over them by ourselves. When they leave our authority sometimes our children can rebel. They've behaved because they had to. Now, they're an 'adult' (though often act more childish than children) and will have their own way. Be very careful not to burn your bridges with her. Remember, 'do not injure the consience of your weaker bretheran,' this refers to your daughter and my oldest son (no, not the boyfriend). Be patient though do not compromise your beliefs. Just remember, she's an adult now. How would you deal with a friend at work in this situation? Tact, careful consideration and firmness are called for, but tact most of all.

Just remember, as an adult, she has a right to this decision. Right, wrong, or stupid, it's her decision. What you need to do is to be there when, or if, she comes to her senses. Push too hard and you will lose her.

Your daughter is well aware of what WELS teaches and believes. Don't remind her of these things. She will remember them in time. Think of her as a prospective Christian at this point. A new prospect. A very well prepared prospect, at that. If you are unsuccessful at winning her back, that's not your fault. Maybe if you're patient, they'll come around and compromise by joining LCMS.

 

[twin.spin]

Studecluncer,
Thanks for the advice\insight. The last thing I do not want to do is to burn the bridge of communication between me and her. Part of the pain of this is that I didn't see it coming....it feels like I've been sucker punched. (though I know that's not the case).

 

[Aibrean]

Unfortunately we can't save our children. You can only pray that the Holy Spirit will lead them back to the right path. Everything that could have been done has been done for her education. Most likely it's the boyfriend brainwashing her than anything else. She wants to be with him more than she cares about being with God. I've seen this with my best friend. She married a wiccan. Then she gave me back the Bible I gave to her as a graduation present. Then she found out he was cheating on her the entire time they were married and had four previous wives. Now she's married a non-practicing Jewish man (although they attend the special events).

Hopefully in your case they will break up before any further damage occurs.

 

[BigNorsk]

I have a daughter myself that can be difficult.

A lot can be understood from theology. See what she is saying about the WELS and how she doesn't want you to say anything and so on. She's reacting in one of the normal ways to law. She's lashing back, not willing to obey.

A real thing to find out is why? Is it that she never really heard and believed the gospel?

It is so popular with some to cut off children. She already knows you don't approve, you don't really need to say anything about that. Let her know though how you really do love her, how hard it is for you to see her go, especially so far away and so on. Really open up to her that while it might seem to her that you are some dried up harsh lawgiver, the basic thing is you are trying to protect her, that you love her and you don't want to see her hurt. Speak of your faith, how it supports you and guides you. Somehow she doesn't seem to have gotten that. Yes, you've given rules and such for her to live by, but they were to protect her until she became capable of making decisions herself. Much like the law was given to us to be a trusted schoolmaster until we received the gospel.

Ask her if church is a wonderful place where she gets to go freely, or is church to her a burden, something she must do or at least is expected to do. Somehow I don't think she sees it as a gift.

Try and get her to open up. Is she afraid of being alone? Is it that she feels she must give herself to some man without being married in order to get a guy?

Explain how sex is a dangerous thing. Even in marriage sex is dangerous. You share diseases, history, children, a lot through sex. You worry because you are her father, and you don't want to see her hurt, that if she isn't married, it's easier for her to help her guy get established and then, when he is established he can swap her for that young something looking for a man with money. Without marriage she doesn't have much protection.

Let her know that whatever happens she is welcome. You aren't going to support things that dishonor God because you can't. But God made her your daughter and you her father and that isn't going to change.

She is an adult legally and she can make her own decisions even if you don't agree with them. You hope that she doesn't make decisions out of some sort of rebellion or spite. Hopefully she is enough of an adult to at least do things because she has thought them through, considered the consequences and is willing to accept them.

That will give her lots to think about.

 

[DaRev]

Love your child, but stand your ground. I have gone through similar situations with my own kids. I do not and will not support those things that go against what the word of God teaches. When one of them was sharing a residence and asked me for help with rent or a utility bill, I simply said "I cannot and will not do that." It will take some time, but they'll soon get the picture.

 

[TheCosmicGospel]

How soon we forget our Bible stories and the rich comfort they afford. read about godly Rebekah and her trials. If you can, read this from Luther's Genesis commentary on the story. You will be strenghtened if you do.

Keep you all in our prayers.