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help with my marriage

Discussion in 'Ministry Spouses' started by guitarhdman, Aug 23, 2010.

  1. guitarhdman

    guitarhdman New Member

    1
    +1
    Non-Denom
    Married
    i have been married for 18 years and have 5 beautiful kids. my wife and i are regular attenders to church. my wife wants to leave me. we have had our problems through the years, nothing thats unfixable. early on it was me taking my wife for granite. over the past few years now i tried a career change that failed and have since had a terrible time finding consistant work. my wife works 2 jobs and we obviously struggle to make it. she is mentally fried and has grown to resent me. she now says that there is nothing left to try and fix. she is still here just not sure how long. she has also become friends with a single man at her second job. she claims just friends, but texting is daily. now my wife is an extrodinary woman when shes spiritually healthy and never quits anything. i love her more than words can describe, but nothing i say or try and do seems to help. i have told her i'm not giving up on her and have tried to put my pain aside to be at home for her. im scrambling to find a job to relieve her stress. i feel so powerless to save this marriage and have nobody to talk with. cant afford councelling, she wouldnt go right now anyway. praying earnestly for this situation, but kinda loosing myself.
     
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  2. journeymanOO

    journeymanOO New Member

    17
    +1
    Christian
    Married
    I see you are new to this site, as am I. I am very happy that you are reaching out and sharing as you go through this tough time. I am not great at giving advice when it comes to situations like this but one thing I can do is pray and pray often for you. When I read this my mind went straight to a movie that I recently saw called Fireproof and the book Love Dare. I will pray that during this extremely difficult time that you can continue to trust in Him and seek His guidance.
     
  3. Asvin

    Asvin Legend

    +562
    Catholic
    Private
    Is she christian too? If so, just advice her to read the Bible. It would be better if you guys read it together. Keep reminding her how much you love her and show her your love through your actions. Show her how much you love your kids and how much they want you, not someone else, as their daddy. Hope everything works out fine. God bless you:)
     
  4. BigDaddy4

    BigDaddy4 Movin' on...

    +1,605
    Christian
    Married
    Your wife may have "The Grass is Greener" syndrome. I like the advice of watching the movie Fireproof and doing the Love/Dare book. All you can control is your actions. Fast and pray. Seek God's will. Ask others to pray whom you can trust in confidentiality. Talk to your pastor. Love her as best you can with God's help.

    Most of all, never give up hope. My wife wasn't sure she still wanted to be married. I did all of the above and now we are on the path to restoration.
     
  5. hope10

    hope10 Newbie

    90
    +4
    Pentecostal
    Married
    I am very sorry for what's going on with your marriage. As a married female, who have been married for 7 years, I can slightly relate with your wife. We are raised and taught to look to the man as the head and breadwinner. One of a wife's basic need is financial security. We may not marry for money, but we need the security from it. It is hard when the female is having to do most or all of the work. we go through a role displacement especially if there are children involved. Anyway, my husband and I went through this. For two years, my husband couldn't find work or keep one. I did most of the working, schooling, and was pregnant twice through it all. We had to relocate to live with his parents to get some help. At this point, both of us were unemployed and I was six months pregnant with our third child. He just got work last year november. Earlier this year, there was a fear that he was going to lose it, but God was merciful and they decided to keep him. The truth is, the thought of leaving him did come to mind, but I didn't. wanting to leave him had nothing to do with not loving him, I just wondered if it would make both of our lives easier. We are still livng with his parents with three children and now I am trying to find work. It is hard, but 18 years of marriage is worth fighting for, so keep fighting and praying and being there for her. Do what you can and leave the big things to God. He will surprise you. Our lives are not where it should be, but we somehow survived the nightmare of him not working. Also, my husband joined a temporary cash assistance program, which was helpful in bringing in money, but they helped him in job search until he got one.

    May the Lord keep you.
     
  6. hope10

    hope10 Newbie

    90
    +4
    Pentecostal
    Married
    Another resource is through "Marriage Today by Jimmy & Karen". Search for marriage today online, they are very helpful. Their teachings and seminars are from experience as well as biblical.
     
  7. Eschat

    Eschat Newbie

    175
    +9
    Non-Denom
    Private
    Pray for the Holy Spirit's help like he's waiting to jump in to fix your marriage. Pray expecting with a humble heart in Jesus' name.
     
  8. Aileen

    Aileen Regular Member

    177
    +11
    Protestant
    Married
    Hi,

    Hope your situation has improved and that you have found employment. A marriage is team effort........sometimes as in your case it´s the woman who has a job so the man should take over the running of the home.

    Have you spoken to your pastor?

    All the best.
     
  9. OneGodforMe65

    OneGodforMe65 New kid

    30
    +4
    Non-Denom
    Married
    US-Others
    As a married woman, going through pretty much the same scenario your wife is...I would suggest you give her some space. That's what I want. No, don't move out or anything. Just don't try so hard. I'm not saying to give up on your marriage, but from where she's standing, she needs to feel confident in you again. This "friend" at work? Not a good sign. She's talking to him regularly, getting advice, getting friendship, and most likely, she's getting support. That's bad. He will be biased to her which she's craving.
    You are in a bad spot for sure, but it's not hopeless. Try doing things you know she would like without drawing attention to it. Do chores around the house, cook her meals, clean the bathroom...stuff like that. Just BE THERE for her...but give her some emotional room to sort things out. I hope you get my meaning.
    I know my answers don't seem very uplifting and hopeful, but I'm just telling you how I feel as a woman working with a husband at home. (there's more to it than that, but I don't have the same strong feelings for my hubby that I used to and I hope that changes. He's giving me space and time to work through this which is what I need.)
    Good luck, I'll pray for you.
     
  10. martinaidung

    martinaidung Newbie

    6
    +1
    Pentecostal
    Married
    i really need you to have faith and believe nothing is going to happen to your marriage,in situations like this d last tin anyone would want to do is pray,but dats all u need now,god is faithful in doing all,pray and believe he would answer u,he did it 4 me,read power of a praying husband by stormie omartian.i need a testimony 4rm u soon.stay blessed
     
  11. Zhivago

    Zhivago Newbie

    5
    +1
    Eastern Orthodox
    Single
    Start looking for a good lawyer.
     
  12. wesleychapel

    wesleychapel Newbie

    20
    +3
    Baptist
    Married
    dont lose yourself.....first go get temp work, dont be afraid to step to mcdonald and put in overtime if need. what god has put together let no man put asunder. money is short i know. bring her flower 5.oo will do.. walmart. when is the last time you hug her. bragged on her cooking or raising the children. tell her to please let go of her friend if only temporary ....in time doing the right thing. she will realize that you are willing to go all the way for her. a walk inthe park. on he beach holding hand cost you nothing. except no for an answer. baby i need your time today. something will work out. i only give this advise because i am married 29 years and belive me i know. remember satan will try to tear down your marriage quick...pray and belive
     
  13. lasandra11

    lasandra11 Newbie

    1
    +1
    Non-Denom
    Private
    US-Others
    I am praying for your marriage I have been married for thirteen years and we went through some storms and my husband lost his job and although I stayed he left and went to live with another woman and our divorce date is Aug 22 of this year but I know that GOD is faithful to his word and when the enemy comes in like a flood God say's he will lift up a standard. Stay on the wall for you marriage, marriages are being challenged on ever hand don't get off the threshing floor of GOd he will move on your behalf he is not sleep to the enemy devices. I will be touching and agreeing for your marriage to be restored in Jesus Name.
     
  14. If Not For Grace

    If Not For Grace Legend-but then so's Keith Richards

    +1,950
    Christian
    Married
    US-Republican
    Old wounds sometimes fester in the face of new hardships. Many Men make the mistake of taking their wives for granted and even if they come round later..they do not make alot of effort in reparing the damage that was done in the past.

    Advice: Whatever you did to "win" her in the beginning..might need to be done to keep her. Go back to the beginning and be for her the man you were then if that's at all possilbe. Let her vent if she needs to-this often helps women get the toxins out.

    I pray for your family to remain intact and to be enhanced by rekindled love.

    Grace
     
  15. tisma bowens

    tisma bowens New Member

    3
    +1
    United States
    Christian
    Separated
    Hello. Sorry you are going through this difficult time. My husband and I have been married for four years with a three year old son. We got married at 19 which was way too young and not shortly after I found out I was pregnant. We separated four months into my pregnancy for roughly two months then reconciled. We had gotten evicted from our first home. Not too long after our first reconciliation I had our son. I stayed with him at his mother's home for about two months but went back home with my dad. I had started a new job and found us a home to move into. Hubby did not want to move in but I was ready to so I went ahead and got the home. I was sad because I wanted my husband so badly to be onboard. A couple of months later he got divorce papers on me but then again we reconciled after a few months and after a health scare from me, he decided to move in. Everything was good and we decided we never wanted to go through the divorce process again. Jump to 2018, I have been separated from my husband since March 2017. It seems as if it came from out of no where but it was I who did not see the warning signs. I have made so many mistakes during our separation, but this separation has also taught me to hold on to God's unchanging hand and to seek him first. I pray for hubby everyday, not that he would come back to me but God first. I did counseling for free at church from one of the Ministers. Counseling does not help unless you apply it to your life. I felt so powerless as well and I was losing weight and hair. I was constantly getting mad and blaming my hubby for everything but I had to come to the realization that I was at fault for some of the damage caused in our marriage. I also didnt want to be blaming myself for everything and beating myself up. Now I have learned to trust in God and everything good will follow. Life will get tough when you become a Christian and God is with you every step of the way if you seek his face. Pray for my family and I will keep yours in my prayers. Sorry this post is so long but I felt the need to share my battles
    ~Member of the Church of Christ
     
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