Help understanding what gods trying to teach and test me with in life.

[trustingin]

I've been trying to understand what it is that god has been trying to do with my life. I love god and deep down I no that he is doing what he needs to do with my life and I'm trying to trust whatever it is. But I guess when it gets to the point that I've lost everything I once had, I just am finding it harder and harder .

I will admitt I haven't been the best human I'm my life, I was in my younger days extremely weathly had all the money I could ask for, had a few expensive cars, and bikes. Owned my own businesses was really in shape had what I felt like great friends around me. From selling drugs. But about 4 years ago everything started to slowly fall apart. I started to have issues with a partner who cheated on me and then she got me charged over intimidating emails I sent in anger and I had received a criminal record, I lost my security license and job from that, I started using drugs a lot more and my life just kept falling apart when I think it was getting better It got worse I had to close my 3 businesses down, I lost pretty much every dollar I had, I had entered anotber relationship and it had been good and for reasons that ended and my partner got an abortion. I had a dog that I loved more then anyone she was my best friend always there for me had a heat attack at 4.5 years old. I started developing a gambling problem trying to find a way to get money back in fast ways in big amounts I had lost, and them I was homeless for a while living out of my car I got a new pup and I've basically had nothing but one car left and now that was the last thing I had left it was my pride and joy and as I owed money to someone they come and attacked me took my car and now I have literally lost everything I ever had and I'm in debt, I am late in rent, I have no career no job, no friends left, no partner. despite all this I have since my break up really tried to fix my life I have been training and exercising drug free, eating good and I applied to a aviation college and had been offered a spot to study for a year that I have accepted and that's the only one thing that I have that's keeping me going. But I'm worried that even that might get taken away from me I am just waiting for a security clearance and I'm not sure if it will be appproved with my record I have to just wait. but it all is done to start apart from that. So if I loose this i just won't understand what it all is about.I'm lucky enough to have a old friend I will be moving into with in the city I will have to move to start studying in a few weeks and besides that I have a part time job I have got waiting working a few nights a week to be able to fit around studying so I will be able to pay rent. but then another loss is I will have to leave my pup who is literally all I have left to live with my father while I go study. I am trying to so hard to trust in god and no whatever it is that he will be there for me and make everything better but I just am struggling to understand. I try to be as much as a good human as I can be and always help anyone I can and do right by people, I try to keep a positive look on life but at the moment after I've just had my car taken from me and left with now nothing but a debt a few bruises alone and confused. I guess I just wanted to ask some people who know and understand Christ abit more then I do and try and maybe help show me what I maybe am missing. I just feel like I can't catch a break anymore and just need to no its all going to be all right I guess

Sorry for it being such a big message and if anyone has taken the time to read it I appreciate that and any help that someone might help me to see what I'm missing. I just feel like such a disappointment and a failure and just don't understand why for so long its just keeps getting worse and worse.

 

[maintenance man]

I just feel like such a disappointment and a failure and just don't understand why for so long its just keeps getting worse and worse.

Welcome! Thanks for sharing your story. That's quite a ride.

I'm going on the assumption that at some point you've trusted Jesus as your Lord and Savior...

The life we live here in this world is not for us - it's for God. Being a believer does not mean you get everything you want - it means you get everything God wants.

Worse for you might be perfect for God. Jesus takes His followers on a journey that prepares them for eternity - along the way your are part of the journey that everyone around you is taking as well. You will experience things in life that will prepare you for your encounters with those around you. You will go through experiences that are training tools to prepare you for something God has planned for you down the road. Some of these experiences will be joyous. Some will be painful.

If you are walking with Jesus, loving others as you love yourself, as it seems you are trying to do, the Holy Spirit will be with you to ultimately protect you no matter what you are going through. That protection doesn't mean nothing bad will happen to you - it means God will not let the devil take control over you - and whatever happens in your life is part of God's plan.

I can't answer what's going on in your life specifically - only you can answer that - with God's help. The absolute best way to move closer to God is by reading the Bible. The Word of God is alive and able to speak to you directly as you read. If you've never studied the Bible now is a good time to start. If you already know the Bible, open it up to your favorite book (I think the Book of James is a great place to start a journey closer to God) and start reading. Remember to pray to God before you start and ask Him to point the way for you giving you clear direction.

I hear God working in your story above. It sounds like He's with you to me.

Blessings!

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

I've been trying to understand what it is that god has been trying to do with my life. I love god and deep down I no that he is doing what he needs to do with my life and I'm trying to trust whatever it is. But I guess when it gets to the point that I've lost everything I once had, I just am finding it harder and harder .

I will admitt I haven't been the best human I'm my life, I was in my younger days extremely weathly had all the money I could ask for, had a few expensive cars, and bikes. Owned my own businesses was really in shape had what I felt like great friends around me. From selling drugs. But about 4 years ago everything started to slowly fall apart. I started to have issues with a partner who cheated on me and then she got me charged over intimidating emails I sent in anger and I had received a criminal record, I lost my security license and job from that, I started using drugs a lot more and my life just kept falling apart when I think it was getting better It got worse I had to close my 3 businesses down, I lost pretty much every dollar I had, I had entered anotber relationship and it had been good and for reasons that ended and my partner got an abortion. I had a dog that I loved more then anyone she was my best friend always there for me had a heat attack at 4.5 years old. I started developing a gambling problem trying to find a way to get money back in fast ways in big amounts I had lost, and them I was homeless for a while living out of my car I got a new pup and I've basically had nothing but one car left and now that was the last thing I had left it was my pride and joy and as I owed money to someone they come and attacked me took my car and now I have literally lost everything I ever had and I'm in debt, I am late in rent, I have no career no job, no friends left, no partner. despite all this I have since my break up really tried to fix my life I have been training and exercising drug free, eating good and I applied to a aviation college and had been offered a spot to study for a year that I have accepted and that's the only one thing that I have that's keeping me going. But I'm worried that even that might get taken away from me I am just waiting for a security clearance and I'm not sure if it will be appproved with my record I have to just wait. but it all is done to start apart from that. So if I loose this i just won't understand what it all is about.I'm lucky enough to have a old friend I will be moving into with in the city I will have to move to start studying in a few weeks and besides that I have a part time job I have got waiting working a few nights a week to be able to fit around studying so I will be able to pay rent. but then another loss is I will have to leave my pup who is literally all I have left to live with my father while I go study. I am trying to so hard to trust in god and no whatever it is that he will be there for me and make everything better but I just am struggling to understand. I try to be as much as a good human as I can be and always help anyone I can and do right by people, I try to keep a positive look on life but at the moment after I've just had my car taken from me and left with now nothing but a debt a few bruises alone and confused. I guess I just wanted to ask some people who know and understand Christ abit more then I do and try and maybe help show me what I maybe am missing. I just feel like I can't catch a break anymore and just need to no its all going to be all right I guess

Sorry for it being such a big message and if anyone has taken the time to read it I appreciate that and any help that someone might help me to see what I'm missing. I just feel like such a disappointment and a failure and just don't understand why for so long its just keeps getting worse and worse.

Get a Living Bible and read through the book of Job and see if there are any comparisons between what you have experienced that what He went through. Would the read-through, change anything in your attitude to God and to the suffering that you have experienced?

 

[trustingin]

Get a Living Bible and read through the book of Job and see if there are any comparisons between what you have experienced that what He went through. Would the read-through, change anything in your attitude to God and to the suffering that you have experienced?

I had a read of the book of jobs and I get the meaning and the test, but the reasoning behind that is kinda messed up??
. Why would God want to put someone he loves through that much pain and suffering for basically a bet of who is right and the winner? And also then if god knows all and see everything then why would he have to even test him if he knows he's solid?
Isn't that more that the devil was playing his sick ways on god and god fell for it and allowed him to question and feel like he for some reason has to prove he is right and make him suffer by doing so? why would god even care what Satan even thinks or has to say? why dose he have to prove it like jobs and his kids are just puppets for enjoyment to own and bet. Why wouldn't he just not even give satans words any meaning and not have the need to have to prove what he already knows in the first place? then the whole thing wouldnt even of needed to happen? but yes I do get the meaning, and that we don't arnt wise enough to understand besides that.
So are you thinking that because when I had everything and it all was easy and life was great that when Jesus come into my life he is making me suffer to see if I still will be faithful to him? But I had a pretty rough childhood.. But its been over 4 years now and I still to this day trust In him for my life and love him even tho I've been taken to rock bottom and then some. I still love him and I do appreciate things in life now more then I used to take for granted.. I don't no if its happend with age I guess the money and material things don't matter as much anymore its just nice to have anything anymore and it has given me perspective on life for sure. I really hope that's not what its always going to be like tho. Being given all the blessings then have it ripped away and go on like a rollercoaster to be tested and go through it all again. I mean I'm defiantly more caring and undersand different aspects of life but like surly life isn't ment to be full of constant suffering. and I just would think that if its just been for so long why I don't feel like I no why its all happening .. Its just like my lifes fell apart and has been staying that way then striped some more I would have thought that by now god would have helped me to understand or to be able to learn why all of this has happend for so long. and its more messed up that once I thought it couldn't get worse and it will get better it's like the devil trys to mess it up some how or make it harder then it should be and god just gives me just what I need to get through it barley. I don't want to sound like I'm a victim and definatly don't want to sound like I'm being a sook and the whole "poor me" act. I don't expect life to be perfect I just more so am just so frustrated why I don't understand and its gone for so long still. I just want to live in abundance and love and be the best I can be to be the best I can be to those around me. I'm half the person I am when I'm down like this. But I guess no matter how dark it gets at the end of the tunnel there is light. So just gotta keep ya head up till then and hold on and be strong .
I just really hope that my security check comes past OK and that maybe my life has all been stripped away to break me down so I forget that lifestyle and now I finally might have made it so I can be rebuilt how he wants me to be and I get to graduate and work as a commercial pilot and I guess start a new part of my life and possibly be a happier better person and life ...
Once again I do appologise for the long messages I just am trying to understand it all and it kind helps when I write it all out.
Anyways thank you for giving me some different views and thoughts to try to look at it all and understand

 

[Anhelyna]

I can't give any advice as I've not been in a similar situation so have no experience on which to draw.

Welcome to CF and keep on with your struggle . With God's help you will come through all this - trust Him

 

[trustingin]

Thank you

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

I had a read of the book of jobs and I get the meaning and the test, but the reasoning behind that is kinda messed up??
. Why would God want to put someone he loves through that much pain and suffering for basically a bet of who is right and the winner? And also then if god knows all and see everything then why would he have to even test him if he knows he's solid?
Isn't that more that the devil was playing his sick ways on god and god fell for it and allowed him to question and feel like he for some reason has to prove he is right and make him suffer by doing so? why would god even care what Satan even thinks or has to say? why dose he have to prove it like jobs and his kids are just puppets for enjoyment to own and bet. Why wouldn't he just not even give satans words any meaning and not have the need to have to prove what he already knows in the first place? then the whole thing wouldnt even of needed to happen? but yes I do get the meaning, and that we don't arnt wise enough to understand besides that.
So are you thinking that because when I had everything and it all was easy and life was great that when Jesus come into my life he is making me suffer to see if I still will be faithful to him? But I had a pretty rough childhood.. But its been over 4 years now and I still to this day trust In him for my life and love him even tho I've been taken to rock bottom and then some. I still love him and I do appreciate things in life now more then I used to take for granted.. I don't no if its happend with age I guess the money and material things don't matter as much anymore its just nice to have anything anymore and it has given me perspective on life for sure. I really hope that's not what its always going to be like tho. Being given all the blessings then have it ripped away and go on like a rollercoaster to be tested and go through it all again. I mean I'm defiantly more caring and undersand different aspects of life but like surly life isn't ment to be full of constant suffering. and I just would think that if its just been for so long why I don't feel like I no why its all happening .. Its just like my lifes fell apart and has been staying that way then striped some more I would have thought that by now god would have helped me to understand or to be able to learn why all of this has happend for so long. and its more messed up that once I thought it couldn't get worse and it will get better it's like the devil trys to mess it up some how or make it harder then it should be and god just gives me just what I need to get through it barley. I don't want to sound like I'm a victim and definatly don't want to sound like I'm being a sook and the whole "poor me" act. I don't expect life to be perfect I just more so am just so frustrated why I don't understand and its gone for so long still. I just want to live in abundance and love and be the best I can be to be the best I can be to those around me. I'm half the person I am when I'm down like this. But I guess no matter how dark it gets at the end of the tunnel there is light. So just gotta keep ya head up till then and hold on and be strong .
I just really hope that my security check comes past OK and that maybe my life has all been stripped away to break me down so I forget that lifestyle and now I finally might have made it so I can be rebuilt how he wants me to be and I get to graduate and work as a commercial pilot and I guess start a new part of my life and possibly be a happier better person and life ...
Once again I do appologise for the long messages I just am trying to understand it all and it kind helps when I write it all out.
Anyways thank you for giving me some different views and thoughts to try to look at it all and understand

Job didn't understand what was happening to him either. His friends thought it was because he sinned in some way. His wife told him to curse God and die. But he trusted God that He knew what He was doing, even though it seems opposite to what should be happening to him seeing that he was a righteous man.

What we have to understand is that Satan is the god of this world, so, while we are living in this world we are going to have tribulation and things are not going to work about the way we want all the time. This is not God's fault. He lets things happen so that we as Christians don't get comfortable in this world and trust it to provide meaning for our lives.

Regardless of what happens to us, if we maintain our trust in God and not curse or blame Him, but have the attitude, "God has given, and God has taken away, blessed be the name of the Lord."

A lot of what we lose are material things, and when others wrong us it is because of their choice of what is in their best interests even though it is not in yours.

The Bible says tribulation works patience and patience experience and experience hope and hope makes not ashamed.

What we go through now, is not indication of what might happen in the future. Job received double what he lost, and his family was replaced, but not double because his children in heaven and he will see them again. His future life was prosperous and blessed and he lived to a great old age.

When you get to the point where you lose confidence in everything around you, including your own ability to make yourself happy, and the only thing that remains is your faith and hope in Christ and are able to praise God in your circumstances (not for them), then God will say, "Ah! Now we have him where We want him. Now We can bless him and make a real man of God out of him and cause him to bear fruit for My Name.

 

[Thess]

When you get to the point where you lose confidence in everything around you, including your own ability to make yourself happy, and the only thing that remains is your faith and hope in Christ and are able to praise God in your circumstances (not for them), then God will say, "Ah! Now we have him where We want him. Now We can bless him and make a real man of God out of him and cause him to bear fruit for My Name.

My Lord....at first I was going to reply and rebut your post, but for some reason I didn't. I read it, must have been three times, and watch out, that is exactly what happened to me. I'm shocked that I forgot.

Thank you kindly for the reminder, sir!

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

My Lord....at first I was going to reply and rebut your post, but for some reason I didn't. I read it, must have been three times, and watch out, that is exactly what happened to me. I'm shocked that I forgot.

Thank you kindly for the reminder, sir!

We've all been there. My story is probably different to yours, but we have had a storm and stress years. I remember moaning to a mature Christian friend and he told me, "You wouldn't be the person you are if those things didn't happen to you." I found that very encouraging.

 

[Thess]

We've all been there. My story is probably different to yours, but we have had a storm and stress years. I remember moaning to a mature Christian friend and he told me, "You wouldn't be the person you are if those things didn't happen to you." I found that very encouraging.

Agreed. I would have no fire for God if I had not been so horribly mistreated. I wouldn't want to live this life again, but I wouldn't trade this life for anything now that I'm where I am. Your entire post was a smooth read. Great, great job!

 

[sunshine100]

Hello and welcome

 

[Northbrook]

Dear trustingin,

Take heart: have I got a book for you *smile*! It is In with the Devil by James Keene (with Hillel Levin). Listen to me. I am a trained librarian. I've seen a lot of plots of books. But I haven't encountered a plot as exciting as this one, in YEARS.

What am I going on about? Like you, James Keene was a drug dealer. He was eventually put behind bars by a certain prosecuting attorney named Larry Beaumont. Remember that name: for Larry Beaumont is the real hero of the story, because he, the prosecutor, used his brain to think of a way for James Keene, incarcerated drug dealer, to REDEEM HIMSELF. I'm excited just telling the story, because, listen to the unique, brilliant, CREATIVE idea Larry Beaumont had...

Larry Beaumont went to see James Keene in jail. James immediately thought, "What does the man who put me behind bars want now?" Then Larry Beaumont blew James's mind. "Would you be willing," he asked James, "to go undercover in a psychiatric prison and help the state catch a serial killer?"

Interestingly enough, James got the gist of Larry Beaumont's idea right away. "I think you're saying that there's something about me that makes you think that this serial killer, if I were to meet him, would reveal details about his crimes to me. Is that what you're saying?"

And Larry Beaumont said, "Yes, that is what I am saying."

Well, to make a long story short, James agreed. He risked his life and safety and spent months undercover in what was effectively an insane asylum. And he gathered information, and yes, the serial killer in question did "open up" to James, and in the end several cold cases of young ladies that the serial killer had murdered were finally solved. Think of the closure the parents of the murdered girls received! And also, I didn't mention that James's father, Big Jim Keene, was a policeman, and fireman, and all-around stellar guy and hero. So what did Big Jim live to see? The father lived to see his son, who he had thought was basically nothing more than a no-good, no-future jailbird, the father lived to see his son REDEEM HIMSELF!!! In the eyes of God AND man! Praise God, hallelujah!

So, trustingin, take heart! Pm me anytime. GOD BLESS YOU!

Your friend,

Northbrook

 

[DLovingBrother]

Hi trustingin,
"I just feel like such a disappointment and a failure and just don't understand why for so long its just keeps getting worse and worse."
This will continue to happen if you are measuring your life through worldly standards of wealth, health, fame or achievements. The apostles were persecuted and impoverished but they pressed on because of their relationship and devotion to Jesus. A Christian should have that internal peace and joy whether he is alone in prison or having a hearty meal surrounded by loving friends and family.

Do you belong to a small group or a Bible study group? If not, find one instead of just reading the Bible all by yourself, because it will take years to put all the teachings together and make sense when you need answers now. Go to an evangelical church as well and try to find a mentor who can guide you. And here are some links to ministries where you might be able to get answers from teaching pastors In Touch Ministries, Turning Point, Grace to You, Harvest Ministries.

While this website is loaded with Biblical answers to many questions: Got Questions.

 

[ItIsFinished!]

Welcome to the forums friend.
A lot of good and sound advice has been given to you in this thread.
Let it be known that you are definitely not alone and many others go through similar situations .
Stay in The Word of God , and showered in prayer .
Keep your eyes upon Jesus.
God's grace is absolutely truly amazing.

Peace in our Saviours name.