Help Please

[KatieBeth2010]

I am having some anxiety and panic attacks over this. I get so scared this is one thing you do not want to be wrong about. This is forever, eternity. I keep thinking if I am not thinking about this and I die what then? Then there is the question of knowing and believing. How do you distinguish the difference? I do not want to get to Heaven to have God say to me, You didn’t believe me enough, you did not do this or that enough. Your doubt about your salvation disqualifies you. I know and I believe that it is through the blood of Jesus on the cross that we are saved it is not what we did it’s what he did. The death and resurrection. I know this but will God ask me did I really believe this and am I really sure I believe this etc… But somehow my mind goes do I believe that enough. Do I really trust the God loves me? I do not want to doubt God ever. If I am not thinking about this all the time will I go to Hell. I have to do A, b, and C or God will say nope Jesus did not die for you. The worst part would be being separated from the Love of God.

Question running through my head
- are you sure Christ died for you?
- are you sure that you are going to Heaven?
- are you sure God loves you?
- what if you died and went to hell?
- Will God change his mind if you don't do A, B, and C.
- How can you really trust God's word? How can you trust that He won't judge you?
- Do you beleive enough in Jesus Christ and what He did to be saved?
- This is not something you want to be wrong about because you will end up in Hell.

The thought about going to Hell is what keeps my mind looping in this anxiety mode. Over and over and over almost like a broken record that repeats and you can't shut off.

I also have this side of my head that keeps fighting. Telling me I know for certain Jesus died on the cross and rose again to save our sins, it is through his we are saved. We can’t be good enough, perfect enough, and we can’t rely on our own strength and power to get to Heaven. It’s not what we did it’s what He did. I know this but how am I truly sure I believe this for certain. If I question this and do not place my trust fully 100% in Jesus then what? It’s like an eternal battle going on in my head that will not stop.

I think part of my thinking is messed up I think of God as a judge. I keep thinking if I do something wrong that he will strike me down. Growing up in an abusive household with a dad that’s abusive probably messes up the image of God. I get so scared that God won’t love me, he will judge me, he will hate me. Then I try to remind myself that God is not like that. That he took all of his anger and wrath out on Jesus on the cross because he loved us so much. (Then the question pops in my mind do I really believe and trust that. I can say it but how can I be absolutely certain I believe this.) I feel like my mind is playing mental gymnastics with this issue. This is not something that you want to wrong about. I wish that there was a way to know for sure and never doubt again. I do not question what Christ did on the cross. I question how he can love me. How he could have done this for me. It would be nice if there were so mark on you where you knew that you were God’s once and for all. However, I think I would be fearful that the mark would disappear at some point. Then I question myself as to if I think I have to do A, B, and C if that isn’t thinking I have to be perfect for God. Yet, knowing that you will never be perfect enough for God that’s why he sent his son. I think it is a lot of the OCD thinking if I do not do A. B, and C then what ifs run through my head.

I feel like my mind is fractured right now. So many questions flying through it so much worry and fear. I do not think that God wants us to live a life of worry and fear. So much that it paralyzes us from doing something else.

I wonder if this terror and this question will ever just stop ringing through my head over and over again. Please tell me this will get better. That I will not always feel this horrible, worried and scared.

These are the thoughts running through my head. I have tried to convince myself and tell myself that even if I do not feel it that I beleive and trust it. That my feelings are going to lie to me.

 

[kaykay9.0]

Well, I can just tell you that this does sound like rather classic religious OCD. I think most of us have dealt with salvation doubts/issues here. OCD generally targets whatever is most important to you....your faith, your family etc. I would encourage you to get some professional help for it.

For many years I knew I had "issues" such as this, waaay more than the average believer, but a counselor recognized it as a form of OCD. It's not easy but there is help out there if you suspect you battle this. And you are posting here, so I figure you do think it's OCD related.

In short, let me just say that many believers, even those who don't battle OCD, have salvation questions and doubts, but generally, if you spend inordinate amounts of time agonizing over this, and just go round and round trying to settle it and it never gets settled...when no amount of reassurance lasts for any length of time, it sounds like OCD. Your abusive background probably IS making this a lot worse, but I can tell ya I have dealt with some of the same things and I had a loving home. So that's usually not the whole story.

Praying for you~

 

[Jesusisgood]

I will pray for you, but know that God is a very loving God and is very patient with us. I have struggled with thoughts like that too when I was younger, but God showed me that His love is stronger than my fears. I know that God loves you very much!*hugs*.

 

[SoldierOfSoul]

I am having some anxiety and panic attacks over this. I get so scared this is one thing you do not want to be wrong about. This is forever, eternity. I keep thinking if I am not thinking about this and I die what then? Then there is the question of knowing and believing. How do you distinguish the difference? I do not want to get to Heaven to have God say to me, You didn’t believe me enough, you did not do this or that enough. Your doubt about your salvation disqualifies you. I know and I believe that it is through the blood of Jesus on the cross that we are saved it is not what we did it’s what he did. The death and resurrection. I know this but will God ask me did I really believe this and am I really sure I believe this etc… But somehow my mind goes do I believe that enough. Do I really trust the God loves me? I do not want to doubt God ever. If I am not thinking about this all the time will I go to Hell. I have to do A, b, and C or God will say nope Jesus did not die for you. The worst part would be being separated from the Love of God.

Hi Katie, I know your fear and i feel for you with what your going through. Let me begin by telling you something that I am sure you already know: God loves you. He is the one who is faithful all the time, it is not left up to us to earn or to "keep up" the love of the Lord, He will always be faithful to us because of who He is and because of what His Word says. "If we are faithless, He remains faithful; He cannot deny Himself." (2 timothy 2:13) He knows that we cannot keep up our faith except by His grace, actually His grace is the reason for any faith at all that we have.

But we do still doubt and there are many examples in the bible about saints losing faith even doubting the Lordship of Jesus Himself (like John the Baptist). Now if you remember in Matthew 11 When John sent his disciples to ask Jesus if He was the Christ, Jesus simply told them about prophecies fulfilled, basicly He said go and study about me and your faith will be stronger. But I see that your doubting is in a different form, it is not in what or who Christ is, you already believe that truth(which is grace in itself), your trouble is believing it was done for you. The completly free and unmerited grace of God is a hard thing to accept because it goes completly against our fallen nature. That God could love us without any reason in ourself is beyond human comprehension, but oh thank the Lord that it is true! "But to him who does not work, but believes on Him who justifies the ungodly, his faith is accounted for righteousness." (Romans 4:5)

God loves us with an everlasting love that we can't understand, we are just told to believe it and He will always be faithfull even if sometimes in our minds we are not, or even in our words and actions (like John the Baptist). Gods' faithfullness does'nt make sense to us, but neither did His love on the cross for sinful humanity, We are just told to believe and press on, God bless! SoS

 

[shelovesChrist]

as soldier of soul said, there are many accounts of doubt, even the disciples doubted but look at those who stayed with Him despite their disbelief. they grew more in faith and so are we. we can respond to doubt by speaking over ourselves in praise songs, scripture, and by having faith that God knows our heart and is not done with us. doubt swarms me all the time, but God is bigger than doubt, and will keep those who love Him. throw the what ifs out because nothing is too hard for God. will pray for you. and don't even get the feeling that you are the only one, that is a lie from the pit of hell, but walk toward God anyway, even when doubts surround you, thats faith =]

 

[pkhaney]

You are right continue believing that jesus died for you and it was enough. th enemy satan knows what buttons to push and he is doing that to you dont' let him. you got good thing going don't let satan take that away from you

 

[dabro]

Ya you know the Father is PUREST LOVE. He love Jesus so much that Jesus said I am willing to do your will Father. And Fied for us. I don't have a problem with faith. I have the problem like you of thinking God is a wrathful God. He is pure love and yes it will get better and few and far between. You just have to endure. It's like a test and God is with you the whole time. Get on some Anti- Depressents and maybe some benzo's to calm your anxiety. Then you will start healing. I promise.

 

[SeraphimsCherub]

Hi...And GOD bless you!!! Jesus Loves you!!! I pray LORD Jesus By the Almighty Power of Your Holy Spirit!!! That You Will Heal her OCD symptoms!!! Because, Heavenly Father, i to know how hard and frightening it is too continuely like a cruel vicious cycle to have obessive thought's racing through my mind!! i beseech Thee O LORD, for the Sake of Your Only Begotten Son Who Bleed on the cross and died for her!!! That You (((Will))) be Just as Gracious, and Mercifull towards her as You have been toward's the "very chief of all sinners",and a wretch like me!! In Christ Jesus Name i pray By the Holy Spirit Through Christ Jesus Upon His Father's Throne-all this unto you :Deuteronomy 33:27 (KJV) The eternal God is thy refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms: and he shall thrust out the enemy from before thee; and shall say, Destroy them.
Isaiah 54:17 (KJV) No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and their righteousness is of me, saith the LORD. Romans 16:20 (KJV) And the God of peace shall bruise Satan under your feet shortly. The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you. Amen.

SeraphimsCherub
GOD Bless

 

[OCDyeahyouknowme]

Hello, I understand your pain and confusion. I have been there. One thing that you will have to do is make a decision to not listen to your mind. To not listen to the questions and doubts that come in, and though it will be a lot of work, through His grace you can get through this. God is the giver of faith, He is the one that gives it to you, but it is up to you to use it. You cannot believe enough, trust enough, love enough etc.. It was Him that chose you! You had nothing to do with your salvation. It was all Him! So with that truth, you can rest assure that His death on the cross was enough to cover your doubts, your failures in not doing enough, and you not doing a, b, or c, cause he accomplished a, b, and c! I hope this helps.
What you need to do is take a deep breath and stop trying, and just rest. Whenever you have a doubt, or a wrong thought, remember your still His. Just go to Him and ask for forgiveness. His grace is enough. Relax and give up and trust in Christ as a child. If you need to talk just message me, I will be glad to talk.
Sola Deo Gloria
J. Grimm