Help please?

[girlintact]

I need answer. I need help.

I have been with a guy for 2 years on & off. I've recently been saved and I feel wonderful. I like serving God & going to church. My boyfriend isn't saved and he labels himself a "Catholic." He does things that I don't like. I've been praying about him, he's improving but he's not yet ready to commit himself to God. Everytime I talk to him I feel like he's taking me back to the old me, the me that I don't want to be anymore. I don't know what to do. Neither of us want to let go of each other. I need advice. What should I do? Please help me.

 

[ephraimanesti]

I need answer. I need help.

I have been with a guy for 2 years on & off. I've recently been saved and I feel wonderful. I like serving God & going to church. My boyfriend isn't saved and he labels himself a "Catholic." He does things that I don't like. I've been praying about him, he's improving but he's not yet ready to commit himself to God. Everytime I talk to him I feel like he's taking me back to the old me, the me that I don't want to be anymore. I don't know what to do. Neither of us want to let go of each other. I need advice. What should I do? Please help me.

MY DEAR SISTER IN CHRIST,

The problem you are struggling with was addressed 2000 years ago by Saint Paul, who wrote: "DO NOT BE UNEQUALLY YOKED TOGETHER WITH UNBELIEVERS. FOR WHAT FELLOWSHIP HAS RIGHTEOUSNESS WITH LAWLESSNESS? AND WHAT COMMUNION HAS LIGHT WITH DARKNESS? . . . OR WHAT PART HAS A BELIEVER WITH AN UNBELIEVER?"(2 Corinthians 14,15)
According to your own report above, your "boyfriend" is dragging you back to the old you who existed before you came to know the Lord--and you don't want to go back there anymore. Sooooo . . . it seems obvious that you must make a choice, because anything in your life that you become aware of which is holding you back in your Spiritual growth and increasing closeness to our Lord must be forsaken for the sake of the Kingdom. As our Lord said, you can't serve two masters.
The choice you have to make is between a "boyfriend" who is dragging you down and your Lord who wishes to lift you up to heights which you can't even imagine. i would think that the choice you should make would be clear--painful, perhaps, but clear.
Likewise, our Lord is quite clear on what the rewards are for us if we do give up those things that are holding us back from full Fellowship with God: "ASSUREDLY, I SAY TO YOU, THERE IS NO ONE WHO HAS LEFT HOUSE OR PARENTS OR BROTHERS OR WIFE OR CHILDREN, FOR THE SAKE OF THE KINGDOM OF GOD, WHO SHALL NOT RECEIVE MANY TIMES MORE IN THIS PRESENT TIME, AND IN THE AGE TO COME ETERNAL LIFE."(Luke 18:29,30)

MAY GOD DIRECT YOU, AND STRENGTHEN YOU, THAT YOU MAY MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICE, SETTING YOURSELF FREE FROM ALL THAT IS HOLDING YOU BACK FROM THE GLORIOUS FUTURE WHICH OUR LORD HAS IN STORE FOR YOU!

MAY YOU BE BLESSED ABUNDANTLY,
ephraimanesti

 

[millerrod]

1Cor.13:4-7 defines Love, this describes the 12 manners of Love study them and live them put them into practice in your life. God is Love and true Love is more powerful than all, but we must know Love and when we do it will overcome ALL. If you truly Love this man Love him the BIBLE way as shown in 1 Cor 13:4-7. your light will be so bright it will lead him out of the darkness he is now in the same darkness we were also once in . be a light dont give up on him.

 

[Lilly of the Valley]

I need answer. I need help.

I have been with a guy for 2 years on & off. I've recently been saved and I feel wonderful. I like serving God & going to church. My boyfriend isn't saved and he labels himself a "Catholic." He does things that I don't like. I've been praying about him, he's improving but he's not yet ready to commit himself to God. Everytime I talk to him I feel like he's taking me back to the old me, the me that I don't want to be anymore. I don't know what to do. Neither of us want to let go of each other. I need advice. What should I do? Please help me.

You may have to break it off as boyfriend and girlfriend because your relationship w/ God is way more important. It comes down to who is first in your life......your boyfriend or God?

 

[bliz]

You know what to do, darlin'. You just don't want to do it.

I know it's hard, but please believe me, it will be so much harder to stay with him and keep getting sucked back to your old life. The Bible says that we cannot serve two masters. What God wants for you and what this guy wants for you are two very different things, and you cannot have both.

When you are ready to take action, let us know, and there will be people praying for you.

 

[heron]

I've run across this situation with friends before, where I realize that we're in limiting ruts we can't pull ourselves out of. When this happens, I let things drift a bit by spending less time with them temporarily.

You can tell him how much you respect and care about him, how dear he is to you, in a way that doesn't sound like a lame excuse.

Don't pressure him to be a different person. God sees his heart, and it's unfair to make him pretend to think a certain way just to keep you. Do tell him when he does something that offends you, and why. If he's putting others down, pilfering, lying, showing up for work drunk, kicking the cat, those are specific problems that should be addressed whether you're Christian or not.

This is an opportunity to be honest and work on the relationship. If you two do stay together, or get back together later, you want to feel free to disagree.

People like security, and sometimes relationships stay together only because people don't want the chaos and hurts of a break-up. Maybe he's feeling the conflict too, but doesn't want to let you go.

 

[1saved1]

See if he is open to praying with you about it and your relationship with God and each other.

 

[L0U]

Excellent counsel guys. Right on.

 

[chilehed]

girlintact,

I'm a fervent Catholic: I'm madly in love with Jesus and His Bride and I want nothing to do with the old me. My counsel is to dump him (kindly and lovingly but a firm toss overboard nonetheless), tell him why and don't let him convince you that he'll change if you come back to him. Then walk away and don't look back.

In time he may come home, but you can't afford to deepen your relationship given the circumstances. If you stick around your bond with him will become stronger, it's the way we're made.

You have my prayers.

 

[greenjeans]

God does come first, I agree you must break it of with your boyfriend, I know this a very hard thing to do, put your faith in God, he will show you the way. God loves you now and forever. I will pray for you.

 

[heron]

"You can't afford to deepen your relationship given the circumstances. If you stick around your bond with him will become stronger, it's the way we're made."

Oh, yeah!
Don't let emotions, hormone rushes, and fatalism get the best of you.

 

[Redeemed001]

girlintact,

I've been where u are right now and I chose the boyfriend over God. 15 yrs. later, I know that God never left me even in my wavering and unfaithfulness. However, the guy did, not only did he leave me but he left me worse off than I was before. But God being the Wonderful, Counselor, Comforter, Lifter up of my head and Restorer that He is, rescued me and made me whole again. Perhaps it was for this very reason, so that I can encourage u to make the right choice. And if that is the case, it was all worth it.

Right now, it may be difficult to leave...but it really is a small sacrifice to make. Trust God...he will never lead u astray.

He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it...
Matt 10:39

Luv U

 

[ILoveYeshua]

Matthew 5:30
(30) And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.

how much more so our friends who cause us to sin? do not let him drag you into sin, but do not judge him either. simply love him as Christ loves him and repeatedly expose him to the gospel of Christ's death on the cross and his resurrection. that faith will grow in him, the Holy Spirit himself will lead him and teach him and help him to grow. But you, yourself, walk righteously as Christ walked righteously. Believe fully and do not doubt the Messiah.

 

[godsgirl4ever]

I need answer. I need help.

I have been with a guy for 2 years on & off. I've recently been saved and I feel wonderful. I like serving God & going to church. My boyfriend isn't saved and he labels himself a "Catholic." He does things that I don't like. I've been praying about him, he's improving but he's not yet ready to commit himself to God. Everytime I talk to him I feel like he's taking me back to the old me, the me that I don't want to be anymore. I don't know what to do. Neither of us want to let go of each other. I need advice. What should I do? Please help me.

well in ur case pray hard before u talk to him about God. & take him to church & to a youth group. & go to christian concerts too.

 

[jak]

Since you've had a long association with this guy, and specially if you've been emotionally and physically intimate with him, I think you shouldn't dump him just like that, unless he is a drug dealer, or something like that!! It doesn't seem to me that that is what Jesus would do.

Make absolutely sure you keep to the standards of your new life in Christ, but on those terms, if he is willing to stay with you, I think you should stick with it giving him a chance to change. For instance, being a Christian will imply that you cannot be physically intimate with him anymore, unless you both are willing to marry and make this a life-long relationship. Is he willing to accept that? Being a Christian will imply you would want to go to church rather than a movie on Sundays, be kind and gentle with him rather than fighting/ complaining, (that is very important), speak good things rather than gossiping about others, pay your taxes, be honest in all your dealings, stop telling lies even about little things, always be in control, rather than getting drunk, and so on....

That challenge is for you, and that is the life God calls you to. Don't blame him for your own failures in living this new life, but ask God for the strength to live this way every day. If you are able to continue with this kind of changed life, believe me, he will either follow you into being a Christian or will break up with you on his own. I think that is preferable to you doing the breaking up.

After all, this is what I Corinthians 7: 14-16 says : If a woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is consecrated through his wife...but if he desires to separate, let it be so; then you are not bound. God has called you to live in peace ...."

 

[TheDag]

I need answer. I need help.

I have been with a guy for 2 years on & off. I've recently been saved and I feel wonderful. I like serving God & going to church. My boyfriend isn't saved and he labels himself a "Catholic." He does things that I don't like. I've been praying about him, he's improving but he's not yet ready to commit himself to God. Everytime I talk to him I feel like he's taking me back to the old me, the me that I don't want to be anymore. I don't know what to do. Neither of us want to let go of each other. I need advice. What should I do? Please help me.

What might be good is to read the book Boundaries in dating (or called Boundaries before marriage in some countries) by Drs cloud & Townsend. Read a chapter a week seperate then come together and read through it together and discuss any isues that arise. It is a very good book to show if your ready for a relationship and also a good guide as to if the two of you are compatable. If not then it can be good at making it clear to both if a relationship is a good idea or not. From what you've said it certainly sounds as if you shouldn't be together which is sad but it might be the tool God uses to bring him to a genuine faith similar to yours. If it doesn't then he is not committed to growth which will only cause problems.

 

[FreedIntheLord]

Lots of good input here, all I can do is tell you I am praying that you make a wise decision in this situation. I am pray for myself to make wise decisions. Look to God and not yourself. You will do the right thing. You are still young and perhaps God has another for you. If not, you will be happier just serving God as a single woman. There is no shame in that! God Bless

 

[heron]

Happy birthday, Freed!
Good point, being single can be fun.

 

[FSK]

Dear,
Prayer always brings victories in our lives. Nothing is impossible for God. Continue to pray for him. Pray for him and am sure and by faith, God will do wonders in your life...Do not worry, dear...Trust in God....Commit all your ways to Him and He will bring it to pass..
Is anything too hard for Our Lord??

 

[heron]

"That challenge is for you, and that is the life God calls you to."

Good point!

When God wants to strengthen something in us, He will allow uncomfortable circumstances to repeat until we get it. You'll become stronger by having to stand up for yourself. (Remember the Israelites in the desert...they never would have guessed it would take 40 years!)

Having a healthy marriage includes declaring what you need, and learning to say it in an effective way. That's easy to say, but hard to do well.

Your reactions speak a lot for who you have become. How you operate will help your BF grasp how God wants to be involved in our lives, more than any things you can say to him.