Barry Egan said:
I have a question, or a problem. I have an addiction. Yeah, it's the
porn and all its consequences. I know I
need help. A lot. But I do it, and then feel bad
about it and ask
God for forgiveness. But the next day I do it again. And it's a vicious circle, back and forth. I'm beginning to think that everytime I ask for forgiveness I don't mean it, and that I can't be really forgiven until I stop completely. I feel really sick in the head. I'm beginning to think I'm becoming desentized[sp?]. You know what I mean, that I'm becoming so used to the images that soon I'll
need stronger images to satisfy me. Or something. It's the same with violent films, but that's a whole new thread.
So, any advice? I hit myself. Hard, or I try, because I get mad at myself because I keep on failing over and over and over. And I'm confused, really. Sometimes I think God's gonna kill me or something for what I'm doing, no joking. And I basically hate me for what I do. And lately I've been thinking about suicide, and everything's just a mess. I really don't know what to do. I can't bring myself to ask for help from my family or the people at church. This has been going on for a couple of years now. You have not idea how frustrating it is. And on top of that my problems with anxiety. I never thought it would get so messed up as it is now!!! But I have myself to blame. One day I will cut myself again. Maybe not.
Almost every night's the same. Tonight was no different.
And also, this is one of the reasons why I don't dare get involved with a nice, decent Christian girl. I mean, I assume they won't like me. I need help either ways. Anyone?
Barry, I totally appreciate your frankness and your honesty. Do not feel like you are alone. As I'm sure you've realized through this thread, a lot of guys have this same struggle. I have heard of a Christian group to help guys with porn called "Every Man's Battle"; and you know what? It probably is every man's battle. I know I struggle with it. It's definitely my battle. Let me tell you one more thing, before I move on. The desire you have to look at porn, is 100% natural. That is how God created you, to be visually aroused. If you didn't have those desires, if you didn't like to look at naked women, we most assuredly would be talking about other problems than porn.
The first question I have for you, is are you really a Christian? I'm not saying you're not, and in fact you are the only one who can actually know the truth, but unless you are truly born again, you CANNOT stop sinning. If you have trusted in Jesus blood to cover your sins, then they are covered. Jesus ascended into Heaven and sprinkled His blood on the Mercy Seat, to atone for your sins. God accepted that atonement, and so your sins, all of them are paid for. If you are willing to trust that Christ's blood is adequate payment for your sines, then you can rest on that fact.
Once you are a Christian, your spirit is regenerated, or made alive, by the Holy Spirit. That doesn't mean that your flesh (sinful and dying) automatically goes away. In fact, now that you have two natures, one fleshly, and one spiritual, they will always be in conflict. Paul devotes entire chapters to this conflict.
Now, here's the deal. Although the desire is God's original plan, it is only part of God's original plan. Are you familiar with the passage where Paul wrote that is better for a man to marry than for him to burn? Paul wasn't talking about Hell there, he was talking about burning with lust. God said, in Genesis, that it wasn't good for man to be alone. That's WHY He made woman in the first place. The reason porn is bad is because Satan twists your God given desire into sinful actions, lusting after a woman who is not your wife. As with everything, Satan twists God's original into a perversion that subverts the beauty of the original. Sex, as God intended it, is AWESOME!!!! Sex, as the devil gives it to us, ruins our lives. You can't have it both ways. Don't let the awesome gift of sex be taken from you by your lust.
Paul says in Galatians 5, verse 25, "If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit." If we are Christians, we do live by the Spirit, but unfortunately we do not always walk in the Spirit. When we are simply living, but not walking, in and by the Spirit of God, we will be helpless against temptation.
Paul said in Ephesians 5:18, "And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit;" The word "filled" in Ephesians is taken from a Greek tense which implies continuous activity, or in other word, "be being filled" with the Spirit. But Paul compares this filling to being drunk; not in it's physical manifestation, but in the same way that too much wine takes control of your body, so too, allow the Holy Spirit that degree of control. When God is completely controlling every aspect of your life, you cannot sin.
So, the key is, to allow the Holy Spirit of God to control your life. When this is happening, you will see evidence of it, as found in Galatians 5, and in Ephesians 5. You can see that the fornication, or sexual misconduct, of pornography, is a fruit of being controlled by your own flesh. You can also see the other side of the coin, the proof that things in your life are going successfully, and are being directed by the Holy Spirit. But now for the million dollar question! How do you get the Holy Spirit to control your life?
I often wish that I could just flip a switch, and put myself on remote control, so that I could not sin, and do nothing except what God wanted me to. I would be His robot, if I could. Here's the catch, although I can exercise my free will at any time, and thereby sin, it IS possible to crucify myself daily, as Paul tells us in Romans, and allow the Spirit to control me. I do this by choosing to act as I KNOW He is directing me. He gives me the directions, but I have to choose to implement them. The instant I do not heed His prodding, I am sinning, and out of fellowship with Him. I cannot be led by Him any longer until I rectify the situation. This is why it is so important to keep short accounts with God, because sin will compound sin, and the refusal to switch the channel from the hotties on the beer comercial during the footbal game can lead to a major slip, and leave you feeling completely defeated. Confess everything as soon as you are aware of it, and try to stay as close as you can to God. Paul also told us in Romans 12:1 & 2, "I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, [which is] your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what [is] that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God." Do you see that it starts by giving God our bodies, learning to do with them as He directs, and then also renewing our mind? How do we renew our mind? Our natural mind is sinful and lustful and desires wickedness; we can't help it, that's the way it is. Yet Paul tells us to take up our cross daily, and die with Christ. We must realize that we are dead to sin, and that we no longer live our own lives, but that Christ lives his life THROUGH us. Galatians 2:20 "I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me." So we need to transform our mind by renewing it with the Word of God on a daily basis.
I used to think it didn't really matter when I read the Bible, as long as I read some every day, but then I joined the Army. I know that may have thrown you for a loop, but that's where I began to learn about warfare, which you may have noticed, is how our spiritual lives are described. I wouldn't even consider going on a patrol or a mission without certain pieces of gear, like, oh, say a rifle. Gotta have it, otherwise, what's the point of going on patrol? So in real life, the first thing you do when you wake up, is make sure your weapon and other gear is functional. Why do you do this...So you don't get killed. Well in the spiritual world, our armor and gear are even more important. I am firmly convinced that at a minimum, our first thought, before we even get out of bed, should be to ask the Holy Spirit to control us, and to help us to avoid sinning against God throughout the coming day. I also am convinced that we should incorporate some significant study time before any significant activity, and especially leaving the house or letting the outside in via TV/radio. I can definitely point out to you many biblical reasons to commune with God in the morning, but that's not the point of the thread.
Satan will take you down in a heartbeat if you give him the opportunity. So not reading your Bible, not relying on God and the Holy Spirit, and thereby stregthening your faith, preparing your sword, etc. etc., makes you a target of opportunity for Satan. If Satan can have his way, he will keep you addicted to porn, and thereby never have to worry about you sharing your faith, doing God's work, etc. To defend against that, and to transform your mind, you need to be very purposeful about your preparation for each day. Even when you don't feel like it, remember the soldier analogy, and you will realize how vitally essential it truly is. You don't exactly feel like getting out of bed after a 30k hump and 3 hours of sleep, but you make sure your rifle is loaded, you know?
So what are you going to feed? The old man, who wants to look at porn, or the new man, who so far is starving? Whichever one you feed, that's the one that will grow stronger. Let me assure you that the old man WILL NOT go easily, but as long as you rely on the Holy Spirit to lead you literally STEP by STEP, you cannot go wrong. Jesus said He was the Vine, and we are the Branches. Are you abiding in Him, and getting your day to day nutrition from the Vine?
So some practical advice: Deep six the computer, and maybe even the TV. Not practical I know, but Jesus said if your eye offends, or causes you to sin, pluck it out. The comfortable anonymity of the internet as well as the endlessness of porn freely available make the whole premise a booby trap you CANNOT escape. You have to take every step you can to avoid the obvious sources of porn. Do you know that Daniel "purposed" in his heart not to sin? That's what you have to do.
Secondly, you have to find someone you trust to be accountable to. This can sort of be a catch 22, because the more you respect them, the better a mentor they will be. The catch is that is harder to broach the subject with them in the first place. Trust me though, if they love you, they will not only understand, but they will be eager to help you. The Bible tells us to confess our faults one to another. Find someone who can give you true wisdom from the Scriptures. Find someone who WILL ask you the hard questions, and not let you wiggle, even a little bit. Find someone you will see frequently. Most likely they will be able to tell how you are doing just by making eye contact with you. Don't fell condemned, feel loved.
Thirdly, once you have confessed a sin, if you have a relapse, realize that you are no longer guilty. God has forgiven you for that sin before you even committed it, because He also paid for it, before you even committed it. Realize that God has moved your sin as far as the East is from the West. Satan would LOVE for you to wallow in failure and guilt, but that is an illusion. God has given you new life, and came to set you free. You are free indeed, don't lose your perspective. You're not a slave to sin, but sometimes I know it does feel like it.
Lastly, I would like for you to read a book by a man named Ray Stedman, called "Authentic Christianity" This book teaches you that the abundant life Jesus promised comes not from following rules, but from following God's Spirit. He won't show the whole plan at once, but instead, just the next step. What happens next is up to you.
