HELP!! Need some Advice

[A6A4]

I am from a very religious family, my father is a preacher (Baptist). I love my family unconditionally. Well I had gotten divorced some time ago and my family has pretty much disowned me!!! My brother, whom is also a Baptist preacher, has totally washed his hands of me. My sister and I talk maybe once a month now and they dont even seem like they love me. My parents for the longest time did not talk to me or have any contact with me. Presently, they will talk to me about once a week. THIS IS BREAKING MY HEART!! As I said I was brought up in a very strict household being the preachers kid. My family is the type of family that if you dont live in the way that they want you to live, they are ashamed of you. I feel that they should love me unconditionally no matter what!!! My father as I said is a pastor and has been one for 30 years. I have pretty much stayed away from my family because of the divorce. I feel that it is not right that they are judging me for my actions. So please give me some advice. My family seems to be all about image and please whoever reads this dont think that I am judging my family because I am not. I just feel they should love me no matter what goes on in my life.

 

[SumTinWong]

A6A4,
Divorce is a hard thing for anyone to go through. Not only is it hard on you and your husband but on the kids, and your families as well. You feel that your family should love you no matter what and I without a doubt believe that they do love with all their heart. Obviously it is this divorce which has them concerned and maybe even disapointed in you. Right?
If I as a father see my kid doing something that is wrong should I not react as if it were wrong? One does not stop loving a child because the child is wrong, but one will not pretend it is okay, when it isn't. Obviously your folks are disapointed in your actions. Are they justified in this feeling or not?
The Bible is straight forward in this matter, and it is possible that your folks have a Biblical reason for being mad about what you did. Have you checked that possibility out?

 

[ZiSunka]

I grew up with a conditionally-loving family, too, so I know your pain.

There's not much you can do, but be a good daughter and pray and wait to see if they ever come around. As time goes by, they might soften up a bit, but they may never be the loving folks you wish they were. My dad died in january without ever being close to us. All my sister and I could do is marvel at what a good guy he was to others and mourn that he never gave US that kind of love and affirmation. It helped to know that we had been the best daughters to him that we knew how to be, but I doubt we will ever get over the conditional-ness of his love.

 

[A6A4]

I just know that I would NEVER treat my children the way that my family has treated me. I would NEVER disown them or look down upon them for their choices they make in their own lives. My sister and brother has made some choices in life that I did not agree with and I have stuck by them and not threw them by the wayside. Maybe I just look at life differently then they do and accept them for who they are and not what they do. It just HURTS so bad when at one time my family and I were SOOOOO close and now it is like they are so distant from me. I know that the holidays are coming up soon and I dont even know if I am going to be with them or not. I do know that my brother (the preacher) said that if I would go to my parents during Thanksgiving or Christmas that he is not going to go. So I think that I have decided to stay away so that I will not cause turmoil on the holidays.......................... Please pray for me and my family.

 

[SumTinWong]

I just know that I would NEVER treat my children the way that my family has treated me. I would NEVER disown them or look down upon them for their choices they make in their own lives.......................... Please pray for me and my family.

I will pray for both, but let me ask you this. If you saw your child doing something that was against God, what would you do?

 

[A6A4]

I would let them know how I felt about it, but I would NEVER disown them. Children are gifts from God and you are to love them unconditionally.................. I have 2 children of my own and I just know how I would handle it.

 

[ZiSunka]

I just know that I would NEVER treat my children the way that my family has treated me. I would NEVER disown them or look down upon them for their choices they make in their own lives. My sister and brother has made some choices in life that I did not agree with and I have stuck by them and not threw them by the wayside. Maybe I just look at life differently then they do and accept them for who they are and not what they do. It just HURTS so bad when at one time my family and I were SOOOOO close and now it is like they are so distant from me. I know that the holidays are coming up soon and I dont even know if I am going to be with them or not. I do know that my brother (the preacher) said that if I would go to my parents during Thanksgiving or Christmas that he is not going to go. So I think that I have decided to stay away so that I will not cause turmoil on the holidays.......................... Please pray for me and my family.

It sounds just my dad's family. They had a sister they wouldn't talk to for 30 years because she married an older man (like her father's age). We couldn't go to grandma's for Christmas or Thanksgiving until we knew this sister had already left because there was terrible anger between her and all her siblings. It spilled over into the other sibling relationships, too and pretty soon there was tension between them all. My father's brother doesn't talk to anyone in the family at all now that my dad is gone.

 

[A6A4]

WOW!! But I just cant understand this at all. My father is a PREACHER and he knows better then to behave like this. I can see me and my family not talking at all. One of these days I will remarry and that will probably be the straw that broke the camels back. They will probably never talk to me again.......

 

[A6A4]

Sorry to hear about your dad Lambslove

 

[d0c markus]

I think you should sit down, and talk with them, or perhaps it would be better to write them a letter because sometimes when you write someone, it doesnt demand a response right away. It gives them time to chew it over. If it was me Id say "Dad, I need you to love me like Jesus loves me - Unconditionally. You say you love me with your lips but your actions tell a different story. We talk so rarely ever since the divorce..." and so on. If you were wrong in getting a divorce it may help to state own up to it to your father.

But yea, I shall pray for you and your family.

Mark

 

[ZiSunka]

I will pray for both, but let me ask you this. If you saw your child doing something that was against God, what would you do?

Talk to them about it, but don't condemn and reject. Be kind at all times as much as depends on you. Think about how you would feel if you were being told the same thing.

Withholding love is never part of God's plan for discipline.

 

[RED that's ME]

Living in a pastor's house can be hard the extra pressure on the whole family to show "perfection" can stink. Too many church members don't allow pastors/pastors family to live like humans. We all make mistakes but the important thing is learning from them even pastor kids.
You can't help how other people treat you even family but what you can do is live as Christlike as possible and when you mess up make it right no matter if the others are accepting or not and yes this can stink sometimes but God will reward you for it.

As for the divorce issue too many people act like it is one of the ultimate unforgivable sins.
Most Christians don't even realize either that God know very well what and how divorce is. My pastor gave a sermon several years ago that blew me out of the water at first. Did you know that God himself is divorce?

God said he was “an husband” to Israel. In Jeremiah 3:8-14 and Isaiah 50:1, God states that he was married to Israel, and gave Israel a bill of divorcement, because Israel committed adultery.

There's also no perfect families. Parents sometimes worry about being the perfect parents when their kids misbehave, feel they have failed well God has some children and none of them are perfect and has failed too. God understands even when people don't.
Talk with your parents again and try to work it out even doing what Mark suggested is maybe putting it down on paper.

Bottom line...
We should live for Christ no matter what others think or say and when we stand before the Lord we won't have to answer for them but for our words and deeds.

 

[ZiSunka]

“an husband”[/color] to Israel. In Jeremiah 3:8-14 and Isaiah 50:1, God states that he was married to Israel, and gave Israel a bill of divorcement, because Israel committed adultery.

The difference being that God didn't remarry someone else and put Israel to shame. Also, it's a metaphor, not a reality. God didn't go through a marriage ceremony then actually divorce Israel. He's using the metaphor to show Israel the extent of its sin against him. He's saying, "You have abandoned me and whored around with other 'gods' and it's so serious that if you this were a marriage and you were my wife, I would be within my rights to be rid of you through divorce." Obviously, God still loves Israel because she is to be his bride. The whole marriage thing is a metaphor for the union between God and his people.

Bottom line...
We should live for Christ no matter what others think or say and when we stand before the Lord we won't have to answer for them but for our words and deeds.

Amen!

 

[Ave Maria]

You are definitely right in saying that they should love you unconditionally. I am sorry that you have to go through this. You have my sympathy. I really don't know what to say other than to give them time and pray for them. I wish you luck!

 

[Ave Maria]

I hope things are going better for you now.