I need to tell someone about this bondage and attacks from the enemy regarding sexual perversion. All my life since I was a Christian I have wanted to do things Gods way, but when I started going bald at the age of 18, and because of bone disease and the deformaties and severe acne I could never find the courage to do what I needed to do to get a wife. I kept praying for God to help me, but at the same time I was just to nervous to do anything to be able to get married, so I kept going back to masturabation thinking that sex was a normal desire that I needed to do something about. I wanted to believe for God to help me get a wife somehow, but I just couldn't see how it was going to happen with all that was wrong with me. I know now I should have just forgot about that part of life, but for some reason it kept bothering me that I couldn't do things like other men, and get married. I kept getting frustrated and going back to that sin, but I didn't realize at the time that God was that mad at me for problems that I didn't know what to do about. Also because of acne, I took antibotics, like candy and damaged my intestinal tract and came down with another problem that ended up threatening my life. I kept praying for God to help me, and one day he did heal me from whatever was going on with my colon. I also asked him to take away the sexual desire since, I couldn't get a wife, and he took it away, but at the time I thought he took it away, so I wouldn't worry about needing a wife. Then I had a chance to have a wife with a old friend of the family, but again I didn't do what I need to do, because of the way I felt about being bald, and the other deformaties, and also because the sexual desire was gone, I didn't care that much anymore about having a wife. I started falling into hopelessness, frustration, and rebellion because of getting angry over my problem, and ended up going back to that sin. I always believed God would always forgive me, and understand, since I had such strange problems that I didn't know how to fix. I started realizing the devil was deceiving me, but at the same time I would forget or allow the frustration to blind me from what the devil was doing to me. Anyway I didn't realize that things were going bad with God and something got a hold of me that I have been trying to get free from. I started to realize how strange, selfish, and wrong motives I was having over wanting a wife and other things I did wrong, but I still couldn't get free from what I did. I started taking different things to deal with my problem then I was poisoned again, and started getting sick. God has tried to help me several times, but everytime I keep struggling with doubt, weakness because of getting poisoned, and fear over bone disease distraction and lack of help from family and old friends who are not christians. I have been ashamed of telling people about my problem, because I feel like I have been a coward over dealing with all these problems, but for some reason I couldn't seem to control the nervousness that kept be from getting a wife. I don't know why all these bad things happen me and why I went bald at such a young age, and why I had to break bones, and have such severe acne. I wish I could have realized what these problems were doing to my life, but because I was suppose to have faith, I tried to deal with things on my own, and I thought when Jesus came back I would be healed, but at the same time I remember feeling guilty over this problems, which at the time I thought it was the devil trying to keep me from having faith. I realized now that I wasn't being as obedient as I was suppose to be, because I thought we were saved by faith. I realize now that obedients is faith, but at the time I thought I was trying to keep the law to be saved if I had to keep all the commandments. Its not that I wanted to sin, its just I kept having this trouble with all these problems and dealt with them the wrong way. I want to deal with them the right way, and not get discouraged, but something keeps coming against real bad and trying to make me sin. I don't want to do wrong, and I want to have the courage to do right and not let these physical problems effect me. I thought for awhile that I had got over my shyness, and was going to stop worrying about the physical problems, but then I got sick and the low self image and hopelessness started coming against me again, along with all the other problems. I am still trying to fight all these things that are coming against me, and praying God will help me. I have also been afraid of God delivering me because of the bone disease and concerned my body will shake and I will break a bunch of bones and die without making up for all the wrong I have done. Also the other day i thought I was going to die, because I started getting real sick, and I because I was worried about all I have done wrong I was worried about going to hell, so I told the devil to help me, because I didn't know where God was, but now I realze that maybe the devil was lying to me, because I was going by my feelings. I denounced what I said and did, but things got worse and now I am more scared than I was before. I didn't want to do something so foolish. I want God, and was praying for him to help me. I wish I could have kept thinking on the fact that he has tried to help me through this several time, but when I got sick my brain was so messed up, because of getting poisoned. I temporarly lost my memory, but at the same time my mind was flooded with things I did wrong. I realize now it was the devil, because if my mind couldn't remember anything how were the thought of the things I did wrong coming up. I have been really tricked by the devil, over everything, and I am so tired of this. God please save me from the devil, sickness and the selfish and foolish ways I did things, in Jesus name. Please help me repent and turn from my wicked ways, in Jesus name.