Dear A-Bomb,
You are going through what I went through. I grew up a christian and was baptised when I was seventeen. I felt I was really committed to God. Then I went to college and after meeting several atheists I began to doubt God. I couldn't defend my beliefs to those who didn't believe in God. I couldn't make sense of the bible. There were too many things that just didn't add up. I was so confused and so lost. On some level I still believed in God or at least I wanted to, but I couldn't seem to reach him no matter how hard I tried. I was so skeptical(I am a computer engineer, I very much need things to make sense) that the few times I went to church I would just think "Ya right" the whole way through. This was a very difficult time for me. This period in my life lasted nearly two years (I'm sure that isn't very comforting). The hardest part was that I didn't want to doubt, I wanted to feel God, but I couldn't no matter how hard I tried.
Then I read this book, which I got by accident from the library (i didn't even know it was a christian book), called The Garden at the Edge of Beyond (I will try to figure out who the author is). It is a fiction book that isn't meant to be taken literally. This book was imagining what it's like after we die. What it illustrated to me was that all the stuff that gets argued about isn't what matters in the end.
What matters is that each of us has a personal relationship with God and that we live our lives according to God's will for us individually. Jesus died for our sins on the cross and this makes it possible for each of us to have eternal life. After I read this book I felt his power in my life so strong that it banished all doubts. I think I was finally able to let go of all the things that didn't make sense. All the stuff that gets debated, usually gets debated because no one can know the answers for sure. I thought that I was separated from God because he wasn't showing himself to me, but I really believe it was the other way around. I wasn't seeing him because I was doubtful. Every time he tried to show himself to me I wrote it off as my imagination.
Here are some words of advice to you that might help you get through this difficult time.
Stay away from controversial issues until your doubt is gone.
Begin with the basics. Whatever it was that initally brought you to Christ, would be a good place to start. If you read things that you don't understand or that you can't agree with skip over them. The bible is very long. God will bring you understanding of it with time.
Keep your attitude in check. I believe this was my biggest downfall. I was so negative, when it came to God and his word. Ask God to take negativity out of your heart and allow you to open your heart to him. You might not be able to feel him there when you pray to him, but I assure you he is there and listening.
Everytime something comes up that you doubt, tell God about it. I have started doing this. It's sort of like complaining to him. Like "God I just don't get it, your word doen't make sense to me." "God, what about evolution?" "God, why should I believe in creation when evolution makes so much sense?" He will help you with these issues.
Find a church where you feel comfortable and go even when you don't want to. Ask God to show himself to you through church. The first few times I started really going back to church, the sermons kept being about exactly what I had been discussing the week before.
Find other christians to help you through this, especially ones who have been through doubt before.
I really hope this helps. I will be here for you if you need me. Let me know how things are going. Remember this is not unusual. It is ok. You will make it through this and it will make you stronger in the end.
With love in our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ,
kservingchrist