Help me deal

[Anna N. Amos]

My hubs is bi-polar and he is so MEAN and says horrible things when he is manic, his words cripple me.

He screams in my face how much better he is than I am -- I am nothing but a fat lost person that he is stuck with and he is so above me. His rants have left me vomiting they are so bad, and then he will laugh as I am sick calling me weak and worthless.

When he took meds he was even and delightful but he took himself off and now is a nightmare. I am worn out.


How do I tell him?

How do I tell him that when he is manic he is hurtful and mean
when he feels he is on top of the world?
Unbeatable
The best

When actually he is the worst most insufferable human being
as he spits fire like a narcissistic dragon?
Cutting
Crippling

How do I tell him that when he is EVEN he is a wonderful man
when any words of his illness may set him of into a rage?
Tyrant
Torturous

How do I tell him when he plummets down he then blames me for his crash as well
if you were better than I would be better?
Accusatory
Abusive

All he does is feel badly about himself and blame others (me) for those feeling
(Me) cause I am the only one left in his life
That didn’t run
Or hide

How do I tell him that when he is normal he asks for help to stay that way
but as he begins to loose control refuses the help
Lashing out
My fault

How does he get help when his disease tells him he is better than most?
So, why would one not want to feel this way?
It’s the world not him
He is greater than all

How do I tell him though he is perhaps the meanest person I know
I still care for the good man?
Obscured
Lost

How do I get the good man to stay-- when he is trapped in the bad one--
And the bad man will not let the good one live?
I am tortured
Also by his disease

 

[goldenviolet]

God bless you hun ... who do you have for support? can you talk with a counselor, doctor, pastor?

 

[Yusuphhai]

I know that when I was in mania my parents needed bear me much, for I didn’t know the reality clearly. So it is no use arguing with a patient in mania. Please ask for help from medicine and Pray for Him.

Love, Yusuph

 

[wonderwaleye]

Dear Anna N. Amos

When dealing with a sick person you have to be the strong one.


It would be much different if there wasn't remedy.




You need to let him know that if this happens again that you will separate from him till he is back on his meds.


You are not given a choice.


Explain one more time why this must be done then follow through. You MUST be strong for him.




OHHHH DEAR ALWAYS REMEMBER:









XEven though you can't see Him, GOD is there!O
( click on the X and move to the O ) ( then feel who is around you )

GOD would not expect you to stay under such abuse.

 

[jgarden]

He has the right to stop taking his meds and you have the right to "walk." Don't threaten - going to stay over at a friends for a day or two will speak volumes.

Being bi-polar doesn't give him the right to abuse his spouse, particularly if it can be avoided. Don't be an enabler.

He needs you more than you need him.

 

[My_Sojourn]

I hate the fact so much that I am just like your husband when I am not on meds, or the wrong meds.

You said:
How do I get the good man to stay-- when he is trapped in the bad one--
And the bad man will not let the good one live?

It seems to me that where there is a bipolar there are always victims, both innocents and the bipolar himself... when the bipolar not treated with correct chemicals.

This is no consolation for the innocents - the spouse, children, siblings, parents - who love the bipolar but are mistreated and abused in return for their love.

This is the quandry of the bipolar. When we are sick, it is near impossible to recognize we are sick and to know how or take the steps to get the medicine we need to get well. Impossible. At least for me to see I am sick and to know what to do to get well. I can't see how sick I am.

Unless someone intervenes by taking a drastic step - drastic enough for the bipolar to be shocked into reality - threaten, give ultimatums, and leave the bipolar to his own devises. If the bipolar will not listen to reason and pleadings to seek help and receive it, then the loved ones must take care of themselves to keep themselves healthy.

This is how it is for me when I am manic, mixed, depressed and sometimes in between without the right chemicals added to my brain. I have lost my faculties to reason. I cannot be reasoned with, nor can I even discern reality from delusion, truth from false, and sometimes right from wrong if full blown manic. I can not do anything to stop my irritability, my anger, my rudeness, hatefulness, meaness, rage. I can see myself behaving this way, but being powerless to stop myself.

The bipolar brain has elevated Cortisol levels, which is the hormone that produced from the adrenal cortex and released during stressed agitated states. For us bipolars, our Cortisol levels are always elevated when they shouldn't be. This should only be the case in the fight or flight mechanism, not all the time.

This is a very frustrating disease to live with moment by moment without the right chemicals and even with them...it can still be frustrating because I end up having a bipolar moment and don't realize it until later.

Anna, I can honestly say that I wish my mother had not stayed with my father who was bipolar and treated my mom the way your husband treats you. I say this because she would have been happier and better able to help my dad. Unfortunately my father was not under treatment for bipolar and died just middle age. His narcolepsy was so severe it overshadowed his bipolar.

Untreated bipolars suffer and so do their loved ones. And the whole time, the bipolar loves his family so much but is powerless to be able to show it the way he wants to...

But just understanding all this doesn't take the pain away from being mistreated and abused.

I say take care of yourself first and stay healthy and not hurt... then you'll be better able to take care of your bipolar... we bipolars do need help when we are sick even if we don't know it or show it.

 

[AngelRider]

brain abnormalities is the article that I just copied and pasted myself to my word on the pc. He really needs to get on the meds asap and if it is really bad and you are afraid for your well-being get him into the hospital until he is medicated properly. I have been hospitalized myself because of my mania totally out of control. YOu are in my prayers hun and feel free to pm me if you need to talk or just want to pray : )

 

[AngelRider]

remember it is his sickness talking to you and not him too. I love you sis hang in there

 

[Zita123]

My hubs is bi-polar and he is so MEAN and says horrible things when he is manic, his words cripple me.

He screams in my face how much better he is than I am -- I am nothing but a fat lost person that he is stuck with and he is so above me. His rants have left me vomiting they are so bad, and then he will laugh as I am sick calling me weak and worthless.

When he took meds he was even and delightful but he took himself off and now is a nightmare. I am worn out.


How do I tell him?

How do I tell him that when he is manic he is hurtful and mean
when he feels he is on top of the world?
Unbeatable
The best

When actually he is the worst most insufferable human being
as he spits fire like a narcissistic dragon?
Cutting
Crippling

How do I tell him that when he is EVEN he is a wonderful man
when any words of his illness may set him of into a rage?
Tyrant
Torturous

How do I tell him when he plummets down he then blames me for his crash as well
if you were better than I would be better?
Accusatory
Abusive

All he does is feel badly about himself and blame others (me) for those feeling
(Me) cause I am the only one left in his life
That didn’t run
Or hide

How do I tell him that when he is normal he asks for help to stay that way
but as he begins to loose control refuses the help
Lashing out
My fault

How does he get help when his disease tells him he is better than most?
So, why would one not want to feel this way?
It’s the world not him
He is greater than all

How do I tell him though he is perhaps the meanest person I know
I still care for the good man?
Obscured
Lost

How do I get the good man to stay-- when he is trapped in the bad one--
And the bad man will not let the good one live?
I am tortured
Also by his disease

I went through the same thing!! My husband was on meds and was so wonderful that the kids couldn't believe it and wanted to be with him all the time, Then, He thought that the meds took his manhood away, that it took all his feelings away except nice ones. and he went cold turkey on them, what a nightmare!!! We all moved out of the house, we couldn't stand it, but on the day of moving he stopped and talked to all of us and said that he couldn't help saying the things he did and doing the things he did and he ppromised to go and seek help again, He did and we have been good since. Not that we don't have some of those times again but at least he has GOD in his life now and he knows to say sorry and tries to stop himself.
GOD BLESS TO YOU AND YOURS!!
Zita

 

[free4all]

Anna,

Your post sounds all too familiar. I have a parent who is bi-polar. The other parent didn't take strong enough action. We all suffered.

I appreciate the honesty of the folks in this forum, even when talking about themselves and their conditions. The following is good advice my family should have taken:

Being bi-polar doesn't give him the right to abuse his spouse, particularly if it can be avoided. Don't be an enabler.

When dealing with a sick person you have to be the strong one...

You need to let him know that if this happens again that you will separate from him till he is back on his meds.

Unless someone intervenes by taking a drastic step - drastic enough for the bipolar to be shocked into reality - threaten, give ultimatums, and leave the bipolar to his own devises. If the bipolar will not listen to reason and pleadings to seek help and receive it, then the loved ones must take care of themselves to keep themselves healthy.

It will continue as long as you allow it. When he is abusive, call the authorities or leave.

Or choose to be abused for the duration.

 

[Yusuphhai]

When I fell into serious depression or mania, my father cared for me with great love and patience. Once when I nearly wanted to die, I heard he called me in a simple word [FONT=&#23435]“[/FONT]ah[FONT=&#23435]”[/FONT],but my weak heart was full of very warm and soft flow, which made me cry inside . Although he is not a Christian yet, he loves me more than his own life and worship Jesus as the Greatest Man.

 

[Anna N. Amos]

You have all been very helpful. Thank you