Help letting go

[tripletiger1200]

So for like 10 days now I have just been constantly hearing "Let go" and "Give Him control". I just started taking prozac, and it seemed to make my OCD horrible for the first few days (maybe just a coincidence). My dad has been talking to me about giving God control, and I feel like God is speaking to me and telling me to let go. The only problem is, as I do this, the thoughts go out of control. I have given it up to God, and instead of fighting or neutralizing the thoughts I just say "God I give up". That works usually, but then they seem to come back more fiercely other times. I am having an extremely hard time just letting the thoughts go, because if I don't fight the thoughts or direct them at myself or the devil then it turns in to a word association type thing. Whenever I think of a member of the Godhead, the nasty insults pop up immediately, like I associate those words with Him rather than with whatever I used to direct those insults towards.
How do I just let go? Why would God help me if I constantly attack Him, and how can I let go if it means letting these horrible things run amok in my head?
I can't do this on my own, but I keep mocking the one who can help me. It's a vicious cycle and I don't know what to do anymore.

 

[eachallberg]

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good.

As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.

For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members.

What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!

So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.

(Before Romans 8 in 7)

Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray...
Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven.
(James 5:13-15)

Be still, and meditate on the Word.
Be content with everything and let the world go.
May your joy be complete and peace be with you.

 

[Mr. Runningfish]

How do I just let go? Why would God help me if I constantly attack Him, and how can I let go if it means letting these horrible things run amok in my head?
I can't do this on my own, but I keep mocking the one who can help me. It's a vicious cycle and I don't know what to do anymore.

I wish there was a real defined answer for, "How to just let go?". Unfortunately there isn't, but I will tell you I had prayed and prayed, everyday, many times a day for that same thing and then- one day, like magic, it was gone.

I had finally come to realize and accept that He is in control. The only way to explain what happened, is that it was a gift from Him. Nothing I did. Sometimes I will just thank Him for no reason, other than that. I just said a prayer for you Tripletiger. I pray you will find that same realization. Then, with it some peace.

As for the horrible thoughts, God is not petty, not like us. If you say terrible things to me, I might ignore you, decline to do something for you or just in general avoid you. With Him, He will never do any of that. Because His son was sent here, and suffered and was tempted, he knows real earthly pain. One thing Jesus knows, that we won't experience (being saved of course) is being forsaken by the Father.

And of course, as a father (of a teenager), I know on some tiny level what He means. In bad fits and bursts of anger, my daughter talks harshly to me, is mean, rude and all the other negative emotions and responses that come with a teenager who "knows it all"- one thing I say to her is that I will always love her. Always be there for her. I'm bigger than all the hurt she can bring on me.

And if me, just a tiny imperfect man can have some sort of small love like that, then imagine His love for us in all His perfect splendor and glory! He will forgive you! He will love you! He won't turn His back on you when you run to Him. All this, He promises.

I pray you find peace soon.

 

[tripletiger1200]

Thank you to both of you. I appreciate the words of encouragement and prayer