Help I've messed up...

[NeedyOne]

I've cheated on my husband... and truly feel I have ruined the whole marriage. We are "temporarily" separated now. I know I've messed up. I haven't - and can't - tell him the WHOLE story. We've had our issues (There is a big age difference) but otherwise we've had a good marriage, and he is a good husband... I know for a fact that I didn't resist temptation (or even pray over it)... at the time I thought I didn't want to be married anymore (the usual cheater-rationale I guess). I am still working on forgiving myself. I feel horrible.

I just feel like now I should leave and try to start over (the "other" person is no longer in the picture as well). I guess I am so torn on what to do. I think I have (and I have) messed up a good marriage, and now I just think if I leave I am going to suffer the repercussions... or punished... or lonely... I'm 35 w/2 kids, and just in a mess that I made. I know, too, if I try to be honest and tell him ALL that the marriage will be completely over, and it will hurt him more as well.

I've tried to pray - but for what? I've asked God for forgiveness - I am truly sorry - but the damage is done, and I know I've trashed my marriage, as well as wounded my own relationship with Christ. Any advice?

 

[mamaneenie]

Lord i pray for this marriage. I pray that you will give this woman wisdom in what she has to say to her husband. I pray for the husband, the he will be able to forgive his wife. I pray for the 2 children that you will be able to bring comfort.


There is no advice I can give you really, I have never been in this situation before. I do know it is something that you guys won't be able to handle on your own. Are you both going to consider going to counselling. FOr your husband his trust in you has been shattered, it won't be fixed over night.

 

[SadFella]

Seeing how my wife recently left me -- all I can say is get counseling, and do it soon.

If he is willing to go... consider yourself ahead of the game. You don't say if he is younger or older... or if the kids are from him... there are MANY other issues here...

I can only say a prayer and hope for the best for you.

But seriously, counseling is going to be the first best choice!

 

[NeedyOne]

I understand about the advice... but THANK YOU for your prayers. I'm having trouble praying right now. But I'm not giving up...

 

[NeedyOne]

Thank you SadFella. He is 17 years older, and we've had a few minor problems with "generations". My children were from my first marriage (prior to this Christian marriage) when I was very young. I have a counselling appointment a week from tomorrow, and I'm counting the days. He's willing to go now, but if I tell him everything, I know it's over. I'm just not sure what to do. I'm sorry about your wife, I know how things happen now... a bit too late for me maybe...

 

[desi]

NeedyOne you should probably try to smooth things over without telling him so much he gives up on the marriage, so long as you are committed to honoring the vows you made to him and God from now on. You should have a good idea of how much and what to say to fix things. Just don't lie to yourself or him again as it is unfair.

 

[Svt4Him]

You should tell him all that you don't want to, for his sake and yours. He has to deal with forgiveness, you have to deal with consequences. Honestly if you think the grass will be greener, you are in for a surprise. A big issue I had to deal with was a lack of respect that keeping the secret showed. Now let me ask some hard, personal questions, that I don't expect you to answer. Do you love your husband? You said you couldn't resist the temptation, but this is not a "oops, I made a mistake" sort of thing, it's usually a process, so what started you on this process, and has it been fixed? What do you want, and what are you wanting from your spouse? Are you willing to accept the consequences for your action?

Finally, if you aren't where you should be, condemnation won't get you there. So don't be guilt driven. Confess, and believe God forgives. But know there are still consequences to this type of sin.

 

[Messenger]

Your in my prayers.

Love and God Bless,
Messenger

 

[Mom4Christ]

Keep on praying. Ask for forgiveness, if you haven't already. You don't want another failed marriage. DO what you can to save this one. Is he going to counseling with you? He needs to. Take care!

 

[Messenger]

Take Care

Love and God Bless,
Messenger

 

[blitzn]

Everyone makes mistakes...you should be honest with your husband and tell him the truth, maybe not all at once, but you'll need to as there is a trust that's been violated. At least give him a chance to see where his heart is; it will hurt, but hurt can pass, and if he knows the Lord, much grace is available to him to help him forgive you. I'm in this boat sort-of, but my wife will not stop her behavior or even apologize - and I never did anything to her to cause this, just normal marriage stuff! I can tell you personally that for most of my life I've always thought and said that I would never be able to forgive, whether girlfriend or especially wife, if I was cheated on...yet I now find myself in a place that if my wife asked me to forgive her, even now after months of this and a lot of other bad that she's done, I COULD and WOULD forgive her. It's amazing what the Lord can do inside us if we let Him.

- blitzn