Help!! Important!!!

[rachel27]

I totally dont know which forum to put this in and at the mometn i dont care. I just need someone to answer it.

My friend rang me up to say hes going to get in a car with this stranger. He said hes being talking to this 20 year old gay guy over msn for about a month. He also said this guy was coming over to pick him up in his car and he didnt know where he was going.

My frined is also gay and only 16. I know they both like each other but they have never met in person.

My friend told me he has taken a pocket knive and his phone.

I dont know what to do. I dont want to get him into trouble but i might have to phone his mum. I really dont want him to get hurt and i need to know hes okay. Im just sat here unable to do anything. And anything i do do, i dont know if its right.

Please help.

 

[NateBlack]

Call his mom. Immediately.

 

[rachel27]

I'm gonna phone him then i'll ring his mum. I dunno how im gonna say it.

 

[rachel27]

I feel like such a bad friend though. I could have gone round to his house to stop him. Grr..

 

[CSmrw]

How good will you feel when he gets into real harmful trouble?

 

[fillerbunny]

I'm with Nate.. you need to call his mom now. He's putting himself in what could potentially be a very dangerous situation.

 

[rachel27]

i text him asking where he was and stuff. He will really hate me if i phone his mum.

 

[NateBlack]

At 16, he may or may not have the faculties to defend himself from an older man. The man may be much older than 20.

Depending on age of consent laws, it may be legally ok for a 20 year old to date a 16 year old... though I wouldn't agree with it. BUT at 16, he is possibly putting himself at risk with no way for anyone to know where he's at or what is happening to him.

His safety is paramount. Even if he isn't out to his parents.

Dealing with homophobic parents would be better than dealing with the possibility of sexual or physical violence from a stranger.

If it helps, I'm a gay Christian. I would ONLY advocate outing someone if their safety is at risk.

Nate

 

[karen freeinchristman]

what a difficult situation! only thing I can do for you and your friend is pray, and I'll do so right now.

 

[fillerbunny]

I feel like such a bad friend though. I could have gone round to his house to stop him. Grr..

Hindsight is always 20/20.

You can't blame yourself for his poor judgment.

 

[rachel27]

His mum knows he is gay. He wouldnt be bothered about that. He just was dead set on going and if i phoned his mum it would mean things being taken off of him as punishment or possibly money being stopped. I really dont want to get him into trouble.

 

[fillerbunny]

I would ONLY advocate outing someone if their safety is at risk.

Agreed wholeheartedly.

I would think that, in this situation, she could probably alert his mother to the fact that he's meeting up with an older individual he met online without necessarily having to out him.

n/m.. late response.

 

[NateBlack]

His mum knows he is gay. He wouldnt be bothered about that. He just was dead set on going and if i phoned his mum it would mean things being taken off of him as punishment or possibly money being stopped. I really dont want to get him into trouble.

Sweetheart, don't worry about getting him in trouble. You're not telling on him to be mean, you're speaking up because he may be making a decision that is putting him at risk... and you love him and are concerned for him. His mom needs to know.

It's ok if he gets mad at you. A mad friend is better than a hurt or dead friend.

 

[bammertheblue]

I don't think it has anything to do with being gay (the morality of telling his mum or not, that is)....this is a dangerous situation where someone could potentially take advantage of or really hurt your friend. Call him now! Go to his house if you can stop him. Call another friend to try to stop him if that would work. Last resort, call his mum if you're really truly worried.
Just my opinion.

 

[rachel27]

i mean he might not even be in trouble. I could be reading too much into it. I mean there are good people in the world, not everyone is bad.
I just dont know. I think my best bet at the minute is to wait for him to reply to my text. If he doesnt soon i shall ring him or something then i will have to phone his mother.

 

[karen freeinchristman]

I don't think it has anything to do with being gay (the morality of telling his mum or not, that is)....this is a dangerous situation where someone could potentially take advantage of or really hurt your friend. Call him now! Go to his house if you can stop him. Call another friend to try to stop him if that would work. Last resort, call his mum if you're really truly worried.
Just my opinion.

I agree with this, especially as his mom already knows he's gay. It's the safety issue that could be critical here.

 

[karen freeinchristman]

i mean he might not even be in trouble. I could be reading too much into it. I mean there are good people in the world, not everyone is bad.

Yes, there are good people in the world, and not everyone is bad. But wouldn't it be best if they could meet for the first time in a place where either other people will be around, or at least somewhere that he can tell a friend about, and not be picked up in a car not knowing where he is going?

 

[CSmrw]

By the way, he isn't a friend. A friend doesn't put another friend in this situation. If he comes back, I would kick his...area.

 

[fillerbunny]

Sweetheart, don't worry about getting him in trouble. You're not telling on him to be mean, you're speaking up because he may be making a decision that is putting him at risk... and you love him and are concerned for him. His mom needs to know.

It's ok if he gets mad at you. A mad friend is better than a hurt or dead friend.

Absolutely.

IMO, if you can't stop him, you need to contact someone who can. He doesn't know this guy. No matter how wonderful he may seem online, he has no way of knowing that he is who he says he is. He doesn't know where they're going- nor does anyone else, and he's going alone. He's exercising supremely poor judgment and placing himself in great danger.

An angry friend is better than the possible alternatives.

 

[fillerbunny]

But wouldn't it be best if they could meet for the first time in a place where either other people will be around, or at least somewhere that he can tell a friend about, and not be picked up in a car not knowing where he is going?

I question this as well. Meeting someone you've met online doesn't have to be dangerous if you handle the situation properly and take precautions. However, the fact that this is being handled in such a secretive manner gives me great cause for concern.