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Help! I'm going nuts!

Living4Him03

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Ok, so I recently decided not to date, to just be a good friend to my brothers in Christ and encourage them in their walks with God. I really feel I have been striving to do a good job at that and have done a good job. I am beginning to see how much more fulfilling my relationship with Christ is than any other human relationship I could ever have on this earth. I really really really want to focus on God and His glory and His will. I have asked God that if it's His will for me to marry He will allow me to serve Him side by side with my husband. I've told God I only want a romantic relationship if it will glorify His name and bring me closer to Him.

Well, here's my problem. Thursday a friend of mine from way back contacted me. We were friends but didnt ever have anything romantic going on. We ended up talking for nearly 4 hours and talked again Sunday night for about 5 hours. Most of what we talk about is our walk with God, our faith, Scripture, etc. We do talk about other things, but we are always seeking to encourage one another and to bring each other closer to God. I really want to be a good friend to him and I want to keep my focus on God, but it's soooooooo hard! I have become so attracted to M. ...and I'm not talking about looks (although he is very handsome)...he really is a Godly man. There is a mutual attraction, but I know that if we are to be more than friends at any point it will have to be in God's timing and for God's glory alone. But, I'm so afraid I'm going to mess things up and develop strong feelings for him and end up losing focus. I am so glad we have gotten back in touch, but at the same time, I don't know what to do! Today I kept thinking of how I wanted to tell him about things throughout my day and how I wanted to share more about what God is doing in my life that I was not able to share the night before when we talked. UGH! How do I stop myself from developing feelings for him before it's time? I keep praying whenever those feelings start to surface and I keep trying to remind myself that above all he is my friend and I have to do what is best for him so that he won't lose his focus on God.

So, how do we remain good friends and encourage one another yet keep the romantic feelings at bay until the time is right? :help:
 

eutychus

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Not like I'm an expert, but past experience has led me to take a break from the relationship when it gets too close (which was really difficult). If it hasn't gotten that far, though, then I think it's possible to continue talking, but just set boundaries so you don't get so attached. For instance, talking about deep spiritual things with some guys I know leads to me having ill-timed feelings, which only hinders things. Yeah, don't know if that helped, but good luck!
 
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KeilCoppes

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L4H, you're on the forks of it. This is the time when trust in God becomes the most important and totally submitting to what He will bring for good or ill while at the same time struggling to be wise and keep focus. You have a lot of prayer time ahead of you, but growing and happy emotions are a good thing as long as you keep one foot on the ground.

And yet, and yet, and yet - don't let the blessing pass you by. This is the time of great opportunities in your life, particularly in this area. Yes, you need to not be swept away into foolishness, but a little sweeping is a blessing from God - that's how He built us. No matter what, don't disdain His blessing. I am really glad for you.
 
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TriptychR

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I guess I'm having a hard time understanding this. Why should you be worried about this part of life interfering with your relationship with God? You both seem crazy about the Lord. If anything, it seems like a relationship between you would amplify what you can do for God. Am I nuts?
 
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VivDaGurl

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It's really a good thing that when the two of you has God in the centre of your friendship. May it be a mutual interest between the two of you and if it's God's Will, things will start to fall in place slowly. Treassure your friendship with him and always focus on the Lord. Who knows? Maybe God is putting you through a test to see how much you trust Him? I don't know and only God knows. Continue to seek the Lord and never move away from your focus on God. Always remember that we should put God first in whatever situation it could be.
 
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brinley45cal

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I think your giving in to fear.You cant let fear get in the way of your devine destiny.Just because you are attracted to this person dosent mean its a bad thing.Have you considered that the lord has brought him to you?Im not saying this guy is the one you are to marry or anything.It is gods will for us to marry,but just take it slow.You have made the right choice as far as waiting for the right godly man to come along,but dont be so cautious that you push away the very person god wants you to be with.Mybe this is the guy,mybe its not , stay in prayer and take it one step at a time,when you find the right one you will know it.As far as this guy is concerned,go for it , see how things go.
 
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Living4Him03

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It's going okay...I'm so busy and so is he...so the only time we can talk is at night before we go to sleep. Which is fine, but we talk EVERY night. Not that I mind talking to him AT ALL lol...but I think i need to talk to him about us talking to each other so much...it's keeping us both up really late and I know we need our sleep!
 
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KeilCoppes

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Living4Him03 said:
It's going okay...I'm so busy and so is he...so the only time we can talk is at night before we go to sleep. Which is fine, but we talk EVERY night. Not that I mind talking to him AT ALL lol...but I think i need to talk to him about us talking to each other so much...it's keeping us both up really late and I know we need our sleep!
(smile) Yes, that point does come. Sounds good. Just schedule a time to... yes, sleep! And if you have problems getting off the phone, schedule it even earlier.... I've had that point in life where I simply didn't want to get off the phone. Even if there was nothing left to say, simply spending time together at the ends of the phone line was so precious. Just don't burn yourselves out - make sure you schedule some time apart to catch up on life, rest, and personality apart. Else you'll likely get to be just too much. Glad to hear all is well! It's great to hear of good things happening for folks. :^)
 
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Tuffguy

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Living4Him03 said:
Ok, so I recently decided not to date, to just be a good friend to my brothers in Christ and encourage them in their walks with God. I really feel I have been striving to do a good job at that and have done a good job. I am beginning to see how much more fulfilling my relationship with Christ is than any other human relationship I could ever have on this earth. I really really really want to focus on God and His glory and His will. I have asked God that if it's His will for me to marry He will allow me to serve Him side by side with my husband. I've told God I only want a romantic relationship if it will glorify His name and bring me closer to Him.
Maybe God has a different plan then what you think you want. ?
 
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Living4Him03

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guess you're right tuffguy :)

thanks for the advice and all ya'll

things are going good...both of us got some sleep last night which was great and I spent some time in prayer and reading God's Word. I think we needed to time apart as much as I missed seeing how his day went and all.
 
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Living4Him03

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Yep I agree. If we don't spend time with God and keep Him as our focus and first priority, then our friendship and any potential romantic relationship will just go down the drain anyway. Not that all relationships that aren't centered on God are bad, they just often are not too good either.
 
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Living4Him03

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As a side note, I'm going home to see my parents next weekend (talked to my Mom tonight) and he said the sermon series he burned on CDs for me is done, so I can come and get it. woo hoo! hehe. I'm hoping I can spend some time with him when I go home for the weekend and can get those cds.:blush:
 
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KeilCoppes

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It's a helpful thing to learn that taking care of yourself allows you to serve others better. And sometimes they might not understand that, or we may lose track of it, but it's true. :^)

If you don't, it's like starving yourself of time and what you need to try and help someone. You may feel like you're doing right, but about the time you faint or fade out, you find that you don't have the werewithal. Look to find the balance!
 
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Mr Morning

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Living4Him03 said:
um talked to them about what?

flip a coin? Please don't belittle my post just because you think you are wiser.
I'm sorry, I honestly didn't mean to come across as belittling. What I meant was have you talked to someone you know, like a friend or relative that you can talk to and ask advice the same way you were asking in this thread?

As for the 'flipping a coin' that was me attempting humour...and fitting a very big foot into my mouth... :help:

I sincerely apologize for my comments.
 
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Living4Him03

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I'm sorry, guess I'm just used to people acting like that here on these forums, very sad. Anyway, thank you for the suggestion. I usually talk to my grandmother about guys and I'm going home this next weekend, so hopefully I can stop by her place (not far from my parent's) to sit and chat and ask her what she thinks about it. But really I just need to trust God and let Him lead us where He wants us. We are still just friends and getting to know one another. We've talked about how we think the best thing to do is continue getting to know one another and letting God develop it into what He wants it to be, whether it stays friends or becomes more. We have even prayed about it together.
 
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