Help convincing my girlfriend

[heron]

I am sure that you could go on.

Lol, you grasp my personality quickly.

Fade, prying into your profile, I see you have a couple of kids -- I think this makes a difference in your decision, no?

The verse also speaks about uneven burdens. That can apply to many things, but what hubblebear said about immorality and abuse and values ties in -- you wouldn't want to partner in business with someone who had different work ethics than you.

A yoke is the commitment of working together, and taking on responsibility... accomplishing things and moving forward. With kids, you want to keep this yoke as even as possible.

Word definitions for that use of unbelievers (571):

1. [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Geneva][/FONT][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Geneva]
   [*] unfaithful, faithless, (not to be trusted, perfidious)
   [*] incredible
   1. of things
   [*] unbelieving, incredulous
   1. without trust (in God)
   [/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Geneva]
[/FONT]I am certainly not saying that unbelievers can't be trusted, but that the people you are not to be yoked with include people you can't fully trust.

The simplest conclusion about that verse is to not marry an unbeliever, but there are so many other connotations involved.


Mt 11:29
Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me.


Newshinycd, sorry to ignore you!!

 

[CShephard53]

Anyway, basically I need help convincing my girlfriend to become Christian.

No you don't. Number one, you shouldn't be yoking with an unbeliever (1 Corinthians 7, 2 Corinthians 6). Number two, you shouldn't be convincing anyone of anything. That's the job of the Holy Spirit.

 

[AutumnDreamer]

I'm hoping that this is the right section of the forum to post this >_<

Anyway, basically I need help convincing my girlfriend to become Christian.
I myself have been raised Christian ever since I was three years old, so I already understand the Christian faith, but my girlfriend, who I have been dating for two and a half years, hasn't been raised as a Christian and doesn't understand anything about Christianity. In fact she has told me the only time she has really gone to church is for a wedding or if one of her friends asks her.

On the other hand, well, I kinda need help explaining her stuff about Christianity. This as always been a problem with me; I understand stuff that is put in front of me but I cannot explain that "stuff" to save my life xD

But lately it almost fells as if God as brought me in this situation to not only bring her to God but her friends as well.

My question is, how do I do this? She wants to become Christian from what she has told me, but has a lot of trouble because she doesn't really have any motivation.

God did not bring you into this situation, you did. God would not bring you into a situation that He has already advised against, i.e. being unequally yoked, He may have brought her to you to witness to, but as far as your romantic relationship, that was your doing, not His.

You can not convince someone to become a christian. Only God can do that. In order for someone to accept Christ they have to first be prepared, this is done by the Holy Spirit. Is she asking about things, or are you just offering them up? Are you showing Christ through you? That should be enough for her to ask questions.until she has a desire to meet Jesus, you can talk until the cows come home and it will not convince her to become a real christian, i.e having a relationship with Christ as opposed to just accepting Him.

 

[AutumnDreamer]

Nice post hubblebear. I guess the word (not commandments) can be interpreted in many ways. I am still concerned about this.

The pastor of my church says that we would have to go through marriage counselling (christian, obviously) before he could marry us there. Since I've been a life long member of the church, I'd really like to be married there but my g/f is completely against it and wants nothing Jesus in the wedding. Not only is that not going to fly with my church, it's also not going to fly with my family - three of my dads sisters are teachers at christian schools, as well as my uncle, who is a pastor himself.

And then there's my g/f who I've been with for quite sometime (about 4 and 1/2yrs) and wants to get married, like...now! lol

I really don't know what to do.

The important thing is it shouldn't fly with YOU! The fact that she does not want Jesus a part of your wedding should send up some major red flags! Think for a moment, is Jesus a part of everything you do? Isn't a marriage the most important thing to have Him a part of? Do you honestly think He would want you to marry someone that does not want Him to be a part of that marriage?

 

[heron]

But lately it almost fells as if God as brought me in this situation to not only bring her to God but her friends as well.

He may have brought her to you to witness to, but as far as your romantic relationship, that was your doing, not His.

The present fact is, you are in this position, and you want to make the best of it. Wherever you go, you can treat as an opportunity to share the presence and love of God.

You asked for ideas -- I think that they are already learning from you, watching how you make decisions. Keep being honest about what motivates you. Share with them things you go through at church -- not in a preaching way, but letting them see your thought processes.

It's so often harder to influence the people closest to us, because there's always an edge of competition, and desire to be understood. Think of Jesus preaching in His home town. If your agenda keeps you from understanding her, then you ruin the relationship. Yes, be an influence and yes, convey your love for God. But leave the decision totally -- totally -- totally in her hands.

You can't continue with the expectation that she will change, because her beliefs will always be her prerogative. If she changes for you, then she hasn't really done so.

Sorry to belabor the one yoking verse. I think this is the other half of the wisdom of the yoking verse. Both a animal dragging their heels, and an animal surging forward can injure the other.

 

[fade2241]

Lol, you grasp my personality quickly.

Fade, prying into your profile, I see you have a couple of kids -- I think this makes a difference in your decision, no?

The verse also speaks about uneven burdens. That can apply to many things, but what hubblebear said about immorality and abuse and values ties in -- you wouldn't want to partner in business with someone who had different work ethics than you.

A yoke is the commitment of working together, and taking on responsibility... accomplishing things and moving forward. With kids, you want to keep this yoke as even as possible.

Haha seem to have a lot of experience with the subject so that's why I'm sure you could have gone on!

And you have it exactly right, there are kids involved, but this is mostly about her and me only. My kids are both baptized and are going to be brought up in the faith as well as being very well taken care of.

Most are saying that I shouldn't marry a non-christian, which I understand. But, other than the marriage and religion issues, we have a very strong relationship. We get along probably about as well as any believer/non-believer could. She has very strong christian like morals and is a very good person.

I don't want to lose her but I'm almost positive that something has to change before a wedding can happen.

 

[fade2241]

The important thing is it shouldn't fly with YOU! The fact that she does not want Jesus a part of your wedding should send up some major red flags! Think for a moment, is Jesus a part of everything you do? Isn't a marriage the most important thing to have Him a part of? Do you honestly think He would want you to marry someone that does not want Him to be a part of that marriage?

It doesn't, that's why I'm here! I agree, God needs to be apart of my union. Otherwise, what's the point?

But, if you read my above post, you'll understand why it's so hard for me to just cast aside the relationship.

 

[LilLamb219]

As it's already been said on here, you cannot change this girl. It's God who changes her (she can't even make a decision to change herself as it goes against the sinful nature). In scriptures John 15:16, Jesus said, You did not choose me, but I chose you...and earlier in John 1 we are told that it is not of human decision.

Salvation is God's doing and He does it in HIS time, not ours. We can't push someone to it, but we CAN plant seeds! We can give them God's Word that Jesus died on the cross in our substitute and that we are forgiven of our sins; past, present and future. This is the Gospel message that saves, not one that tells people THEY need to do something or they aren't saved.

 

[CShephard53]

Most are saying that I shouldn't marry a non-christian, which I understand. But, other than the marriage and religion issues, we have a very strong relationship. We get along probably about as well as any believer/non-believer could. She has very strong christian like morals and is a very good person.

Read 1 Corinthians chapter 7 and 2 Corinthians chapter 6. How does it help to have an unbeliever trying to tell her/your kids to believe, either through decisions or otherwise? If you two did get married, she would have to make that choice. And I can tell you that it does not help to have parental influence to obey the Bible when they don't. Been there. Done that. It didn't make me take anything seriously until I learned it for myself and had it modeled for me, when I was 15. No parental influence got me to believe. In other words, you're not going to be helping any children you have by marrying an unbeliever. Christian-like morals or not. That's my advice, take it or leave it.

 

[CShephard53]

Deleted- repeated post due to internet problems.

 

[AutumnDreamer]

It doesn't, that's why I'm here! I agree, God needs to be apart of my union. Otherwise, what's the point?

But, if you read my above post, you'll understand why it's so hard for me to just cast aside the relationship.

Look at Abraham, he was willing to sacrifice his son, the one he waited so long for, b/c God told him to. Are you willing to sacrifice this girl? If God asked you to? Let me ask you this, are living together now?

 

[fade2241]

Look at Abraham, he was willing to sacrifice his son, the one he waited so long for, b/c God told him to. Are you willing to sacrifice this girl? If God asked you to?

If it came to that, yes. I want what god wants and if that's what he wanted, so be it.

Let me ask you this, are living together now?

Nope.

 

[synger]

First, let me commend you, brother, for seeking godly advice (even if it sounds contradictory at times). This can be a real frustration, when you love someone who doesn't follow Christ.

Let me second what someone else has said. It is not YOU who can convince her. Only the SPirit can give her faith and do that work. But it IS your job to share the hope that is within you.

From reading your posts, it certainly doesn't seem to me that your hope is based on Moses parting the sea, or Noah and the animals... *grins* Your hope is in Christ, who defeated death and sin by dying in obedience and sacrifice. For us. Because he loved us. The rest of it, most of the discussions about details and doctrines, and floods and creation/evolution... all of it pales in the shadow of the cross.

I have a LOT of Neo-pagan and Wiccan friends. And they bring up the same arguments. They try to tear down this story or that, or the BIble as a whole. OVer time, I've learned to share what I know about such subjects (and God has lead me to learn a LOT more about them than I used to know!), but even so, I keep trying to bring back the focus to the foot of the cross.

We are sinners. We are wounded, and we hurt others, and we are selfish... even when we try really hard. There is a huge gap between sinful humans and our Holy God. We cannot reach across it. We cannot bridge that gap. Our sinfulness, our human nature weighs us down and we cannot cross. So God became man and God in one being, Jesus Christ. He lived, and talked, and prayed and taught. He suffered and died. Adn then, O then, He rose from the dead. That is our hope. That is the grace that pours down on us from God. His death and resurrection destroyed the power of sin and death over us. His death and resurrection wash us clean, and bridge that gap between man and God. He brings us spotless to the throne of God and presents us as holy and blameless. And the HOly Spirit comforts and teaches and guides and convicts us day to day in our battles and temptations in this life, in preparation for the next.

THAT is our hope. And that is what no other religion has. Every other religion in the world is "works-based." You live a certain way, or do certain things, or follow the seven-fold path or the pillars of islam or whatever. You rely upon your own works to follow divinity.

Christians rely upon Christ. His sacrifice is sufficient. (Of course, the Spirit guides us to do good works, but they are a result of obedience and joy, not a duty we do to EARN heaven. We cannot earn heaven. It can only be given.)

Sorry to be so wordy. I just wanted to bring the focus back to the cross.

If you are interested in learning more specifically about how to discuss the other arguments non-Christians bring up -- the truthfulness of Scripture, etc. -- I suggest you check out the Apologetics forum. Apologetics is "the defense of the faith" (not apologizing for it). I've learned a GREAT deal over the years from studying apologetics.

 

[fade2241]

Thanks to you, synger for the post. And also thanks to everyone for your help and replies. They have been very caring and thoughtful and I sincerely appreciate it!

As for 'planting the seed' I have tried. I really have. I've even had my pastor speak with her. He really likes her too, and wants us to get married.

It truly is frustrating. I think maybe I need to have a talk with my pastor again about how to go forward. We'll see...

 

[soulsearching1]

I don't have time to read through all of the responses, so I apologize if I reiterate anything.

Please don't be a missionary dater. It won't do either of you any good and will probably lead to more trouble than it's worth. My last boyfriend was a Christian and I was not at the time we started dating. I didn't become a Christian "for him", but whenever I tried to talk to him about his beliefs, in trying to work through my own, he would just get defensive, say he didn't know all the answers- probably feeling much the same as you are. And because of this, when I finally became a Christian myself, my ex had no reaction. And I felt as though I still could not share what I was thinking and wondering about, because he always seemed too nervous about discussing things. And I imagine that it's because he really wanted me to believe. One night (before I became a Christian), we were having a discussion (not completely about religion- lots of things) and it got very serious- I was upset and he was upset and he just looked at me with this painful look in his eyes and he just said "if you just believed, it would all be okay". I cry thinking about it now, because he's right, but he wasn't patient enough with me in my searching and all it did was drive us apart in the end. Now I wish every day that I could talk to him about my new life over the past several months.

So please, don't let that happen. Don't force her. Pray for her, invite her to church, invite her to functions with your Christian friends. If she doesn't want to go right away, don't be upset. If she's truly feeling God's call, or is at least curious, she'll come with you, or go on her own. Encourage her when she asks questions. It's okay if you don't know the answers, but don't let it get you down about talking to her about it. Be excited that she's asking, but if she challenges you, don't cave and don't get angry. I like what someone mentioned- look up the answer together. Study Bible passages or suggest books if she is really interested - I wish my ex had done that with me much more than he did. Just be patient with her, as long as it takes.

 

[heron]

Thanks for the specifics of what you went through!

Our relational emotions are so complex... I've even seen times where people compete spiritually, and when the nonbeliever finally believes, the believer gets jealous that s/he's no longer the specialist in that area. We humans are so warped. We need a few guidelines like this to keep us from trampling each other with human nature.

 

[soulsearching1]

Thanks for the specifics of what you went through!

Our relational emotions are so complex... I've even seen times where people compete spiritually, and when the nonbeliever finally believes, the believer gets jealous that s/he's no longer the specialist in that area. We humans are so warped. We need a few guidelines like this to keep us from trampling each other with human nature.

Yeah, after Brian (my ex) and I broke up, I had a friend of mine say something similar. I always kinda felt that Brian was a bit jealous of what I have in my life- his parents divorced when he was little; mine are still happily married (and he's met them). He got into some serious trouble as a teen/young adult; I was a really good kid. He grew up with little money and is always worried about it; my parents have provided me with everything I could possibly need, and I just don't put that much emphasis on wealth. He was miserable in his job; I liked what I did. So my friend hypothesized that he felt that Christianity was his "thing". And then I got it too.

It's really a shame. I sometimes think that if he'd been more patient, and I'd realized earlier on that it was a difficult thing for him to discuss his faith, we might not have ruined things and we might have had a wonderful, God-honoring relationship. Sigh...

Not to hijack this thread- but to the OP, please learn from the rest of our mistakes!!!

 

[fade2241]

Yeah, after Brian (my ex) and I broke up, I had a friend of mine say something similar. I always kinda felt that Brian was a bit jealous of what I have in my life- his parents divorced when he was little; mine are still happily married (and he's met them). He got into some serious trouble as a teen/young adult; I was a really good kid. He grew up with little money and is always worried about it; my parents have provided me with everything I could possibly need, and I just don't put that much emphasis on wealth. He was miserable in his job; I liked what I did. So my friend hypothesized that he felt that Christianity was his "thing". And then I got it too.

It's really a shame. I sometimes think that if he'd been more patient, and I'd realized earlier on that it was a difficult thing for him to discuss his faith, we might not have ruined things and we might have had a wonderful, God-honoring relationship. Sigh...

Not to hijack this thread- but to the OP, please learn from the rest of our mistakes!!!

Thanks for the response SoulSearching. This isn't my thread (I kind of hijacked it too, haha) but I was having problems with dating a non-christian as well. I honestly have never gotten into arguments with her about it. She always tells me, 'i am what i am and if you don't like it, sorry.' I've been with her long enough to know to not try and change her.

Going forward I am just going to have to make a decision about what's best for me and my kids. I dunno what that is at the time being but with the help of god and others in my life who care and love me, I'll figure it out.

 

[soulsearching1]

Thanks for the response SoulSearching. This isn't my thread (I kind of hijacked it too, haha) but I was having problems with dating a non-christian as well. I honestly have never gotten into arguments with her about it. She always tells me, 'i am what i am and if you don't like it, sorry.' I've been with her long enough to know to not try and change her.

Going forward I am just going to have to make a decision about what's best for me and my kids. I dunno what that is at the time being but with the help of god and others in my life who care and love me, I'll figure it out.

Well, good luck to you. The thing was, in my case, even when I was not a Christian, I still wanted to know and understand- I genuinely was interested. And even then, he didn't want to talk about it. I was clear in saying that I was not going to change "for him" because I don't think you should ever do that. But I really did want to discuss things with him and ask him questions- I thought he would be happy that I wanted to know. But he never really seemed to be.

 

[fade2241]

Well, good luck to you. The thing was, in my case, even when I was not a Christian, I still wanted to know and understand- I genuinely was interested. And even then, he didn't want to talk about it. I was clear in saying that I was not going to change "for him" because I don't think you should ever do that. But I really did want to discuss things with him and ask him questions- I thought he would be happy that I wanted to know. But he never really seemed to be.

Thanks! Yeah I'm not going to change her at all, she'll have to decide what she wants to do. Good advice and I'm glad you're a christian now!