Hello.

[Extraneous]

All these political activists and religious people talking on the internet, i would like to tell them all to sit down and shut up. Just be quiet already. You are not going to save the world and your church is not the "one true church". You think i have problems? Look at yourselves, you vainly try to fix the world but its getting worse the more you try. Its madness. Just sit down and shut up. Go help someone pay their bills, or fix their house, or watch their kids while they work. Do something good besides arguing about politics and theology. You just make people worse, not better. Take that theology or political degree and burn it. Its worthless.

Thank you an have a nice day.

 

[Tempura]

I sit around and it makes my mental problems worse, but its because i have problems that i cant go places like normal people, or hold a job like normal people. Its like my sickness feeds itself.

That's how it was for me too. I guess still is, but I'm much better now, even if I'm on a disability pension.

I have troubles sleeping too, always have. Seems like my natural sleep comes during the day or evening. Makes it hard to get to places at times. Add the anxiety and I could stay awake for long, long times and I couldn't sleep even when I was tired.

Please consider some treatment still. Then again, if you're like me, you'll resist it as long as you can and only do it if you absolutely have to. I was against it. I get the fear of meds, and sometimes it is a crapshoot. Some of it helped me, though. This is a hard advice to give, because you said you're paranoid at times, into conspiracy theories, and yes, there are too many medicines around. A couple of my friends were extremely paranoid, and one of them tried to kill himself before getting help. But you know if you're ready at some point, just leave a door open.

And it doesn't have to be just meds. Therapy worked for me. It didn't cure me, but it helped. And I thought for many years that it did nothing. Then at some point it's like someone turned a switch. A small switch, but a switch nonetheless.

That's it, won't push it further. I know how I react when people push something on me.

 

[Extraneous]

That's how it was for me too. I guess still is, but I'm much better now, even if I'm on a disability pension.

I have troubles sleeping too, always have. Seems like my natural sleep comes during the day or evening. Makes it hard to get to places at times. Add the anxiety and I could stay awake for long, long times and I couldn't sleep even when I was tired.

Please consider some treatment still. Then again, if you're like me, you'll resist it as long as you can and only do it if you absolutely have to. I was against it. I get the fear of meds, and sometimes it is a crapshoot. Some of it helped me, though. This is a hard advice to give, because you said you're paranoid at times, into conspiracy theories, and yes, there are too many medicines around. A couple of my friends were extremely paranoid, and one of them tried to kill himself before getting help. But you know if you're ready at some point, just leave a door open.

And it doesn't have to be just meds. Therapy worked for me. It didn't cure me, but it helped. And I thought for many years that it did nothing. Then at some point it's like someone turned a switch. A small switch, but a switch nonetheless.

That's it, won't push it further. I know how I react when people push something on me.

I do suffer with occasional bouts of paranoia. Its not normal and its like a switch goes off inside my mind and i cannot think rationally. It goes away eventually but i go through hell while i wait for it to pass. I have noticed that the internet multiplies this problem. I am far more paranoid online than i am offline. I think its because the internet has harmed me in so many ways and i really dont trust anyone. Its because of the internet that i hate Church people. Im sorry but i do. At the same time i was once like them, so im a little understanding and i try my best not to judge them, but i find it hard to love them. People start talking about Church and its like fingernails running down a chalkboard. THey start quoting famous TV preachers or the Pope and its the same. I would ask that you forgive me for this because i know you go to Church, i dont want to be like this, but i cant help it.

Im not into conspiracy theories though, im against them. I hate conspiracy theories, and politics which are usually associated with them. I hate contention over politics and religion. I use to be one of those people who argued over such things, but after i read the scriptures more deeply i saw that those things are worthless and harmful.

I have resisted getting treatment for many years now, and its just as you said, i will most likely go because things are so bad that there is no other thing that i can do.

 

[Tempura]

I would ask that you forgive me for this because i know you go to Church, i dont want to be like this, but i cant help it.

I only go when something happens. If someone close dies or gets married. No harm done, there's a reason why you think like you do, and I can't deny it altogether.

I have resisted getting treatment for many years now, and its just as you said, i will most likely go because things are so bad that there is no other thing that i can do.

At least the door is open. My father was like that too, and I am like my father. Going to the doctor was the last thing he would've done. I guess were stubborn in a way. Better to learn the hard way than not at all, though. In my case I can't probably learn anything if it's not the hard, stupid way.

Said a prayer for you, brother.

 

[Extraneous]

I only go when something happens. If someone close dies or gets married. No harm done, there's a reason why you think like you do, and I can't deny it altogether.



At least the door is open. My father was like that too, and I am like my father. Going to the doctor was the last thing he would've done. I guess were stubborn in a way. Better to learn the hard way than not at all, though. In my case I can't probably learn anything if it's not the hard, stupid way.

Said a prayer for you, brother.

Sorry about all that hate stuff i said. I'm working through some things. Thanks for the prayer.

 

[Tempura]

Sorry about all that hate stuff i said. I'm working through some things. Thanks for the prayer.

Nothing to forgive, don't worry about it.

 

[Extraneous]

Nothing to forgive, don't worry about it.

Thank you.

 

[blessedbethyname101]

To the OP, I had a similar situation when I was off medication. Doctors thought I was hopeless and had no future. Well. three years have passed since I re-started taking my medication. I am doing well now to live on my own and am looking for a job. I give credit to my family and medication for my recovery. People think I am quite "normal" now. Well, this is a nice thought but I used to struggle like you do. After finding the right medications, you might be able to relate to others and find a job. I like my new church and have told them about my illness. This has helped me tremendously because I can be myself. I feel welcomed by others but at times they do think that my illness is not much of an issue and expect me to be "normal" all of the time. It is not easy being with people all of the time. I need to be by myself at times still. I do the best I can with what I have. I am blessed and do feel that knowing that God cares about me helps me with my illness. I don't feel alone. I feel that God is there for me. I am happier now than when I was off my medication. I take only Abilify now and am doing fine. I take a high dose but it works. I still have ups and downs though but these are minor compared to the psychosis I had. I don't want to repeat the psychotic episodes anymore. I was in my own world and could not function in society. I definitely was impaired and could not distinguish between my hallucinations and reality. It was not worth it anymore to be that sick. Thus, I was determined to recover and did by taking my medication daily. I know I may be lucky to be doing as well as I am even though I have such a disabling illness. But, I think it is with God's love that I am doing as well as I am. He took care of me during my psychotic episodes also and helped me to recover to this point. I hope you receive treatment and find the right medications that are effective for you. It takes time to recover and to find the right medications. However, once you are on the right path, you will probably do well again. God bless!

 

[Extraneous]

To the OP, I had a similar situation when I was off medication. Doctors thought I was hopeless and had no future. Well. three years have passed since I re-started taking my medication. I am doing well now to live on my own and am looking for a job. I give credit to my family and medication for my recovery. People think I am quite "normal" now. Well, this is a nice thought but I used to struggle like you do. After finding the right medications, you might be able to relate to others and find a job. I like my new church and have told them about my illness. This has helped me tremendously because I can be myself. I feel welcomed by others but at times they do think that my illness is not much of an issue and expect me to be "normal" all of the time. It is not easy being with people all of the time. I need to be by myself at times still. I do the best I can with what I have. I am blessed and do feel that knowing that God cares about me helps me with my illness. I don't feel alone. I feel that God is there for me. I am happier now than when I was off my medication. I take only Abilify now and am doing fine. I take a high dose but it works. I still have ups and downs though but these are minor compared to the psychosis I had. I don't want to repeat the psychotic episodes anymore. I was in my own world and could not function in society. I definitely was impaired and could not distinguish between my hallucinations and reality. It was not worth it anymore to be that sick. Thus, I was determined to recover and did by taking my medication daily. I know I may be lucky to be doing as well as I am even though I have such a disabling illness. But, I think it is with God's love that I am doing as well as I am. He took care of me during my psychotic episodes also and helped me to recover to this point. I hope you receive treatment and find the right medications that are effective for you. It takes time to recover and to find the right medications. However, once you are on the right path, you will probably do well again. God bless!

Maybe medication will help me, but im afraid to find out. Its my opinion that doctors are a bit clueless about mental illness, and they are winging it when trying to treat someone. Furthermore i have no faith in drug corporations, and i think all they care about is making money. They are no different than tobacco corporations or processed food manufacturers. Its all about profits, they don't really care about people. I should give it a try anyway though because i need disability assistance. I don't think i'll ever be able to hold a job again. There is much more to my problems than medication will help. I'll give it a try anyway though, and i'm trying to get myself to go. If they don't give me disability then it doesn't matter because i'll be no worse off than i am now, but if they do then perhaps i can finally get out of the house. I been living like a hermit for about 10 years now and its taken a toll on my health. I dont much care anymore what happens because i have grown accustomed to this wretched life, it has sucked the life out of me to the point that i dont care anymore.

 

[Extraneous]

Maybe not quite 10 years, maybe more like 7 years. Im not sure. I dont even know what day of the week it is anymore. Time means nothing to me.

 

[blessedbethyname101]

I feel the same way about pharmaceutical companies. However, I've been off my medication for four years and on for about three years and noticed myself that there is a big improvement in my behavior. I don't need to be told anymore to take my medication. Also, I was threatened with ECT when I was last hospitalized, I felt this was the last straw. I did not receive ECT but the threat was bad enough to force me to re-think my non-compliance. I look back, I was homeless during my non-compliance period. I am now looking for a job. The improvement in my behavior has been dramatic. I understand you need to be on disability. Even on disability, you can work still if you want. However,your first priority should be receiving some kind of treatment. I believe, without medication, I would be truly impaired and not even thinking about working. I hope you receive some kind of help. Psychosis, mania, and depression with suicidal thoughts obliterated my mind. I don't want to repeat these episodes again. Life is too short and it just isn't worth it anymore. I'd rather be considered "normal" than insane. But, this is just my experience. Some people never recover even with medications. Thus, I am blessed. I hope you find some type of relief from your illness whether it be medication or some other type of treatment. God bless!

 

[Extraneous]

I feel the same way about pharmaceutical companies. However, I've been off my medication for four years and on for about three years and noticed myself that there is a big improvement in my behavior. I don't need to be told anymore to take my medication. Also, I was threatened with ECT when I was last hospitalized, I felt this was the last straw. I did not receive ECT but the threat was bad enough to force me to re-think my non-compliance. I look back, I was homeless during my non-compliance period. I am now looking for a job. The improvement in my behavior has been dramatic. I understand you need to be on disability. Even on disability, you can work still if you want. However,your first priority should be receiving some kind of treatment. I believe, without medication, I would be truly impaired and not even thinking about working. I hope you receive some kind of help. Psychosis, mania, and depression with suicidal thoughts obliterated my mind. I don't want to repeat these episodes again. Life is too short and it just isn't worth it anymore. I'd rather be considered "normal" than insane. But, this is just my experience. Some people never recover even with medications. Thus, I am blessed. I hope you find some type of relief from your illness whether it be medication or some other type of treatment. God bless!

Im glad you are better. Its good news. I know how hard life is in these situations. Its a living hell, and no one can possibly understand it unless they have experienced it. I dont mind work, its people i cant handle. There are many things keeping me from holding a job right now. One thing is my mental problems which make it impossible to hold a job. My last couple years of working were hard. I tried but i either got fired or quit. I finally said enough is enough, i'll never put myself through that again, never. I have made a little money over the years doing small jobs for people, working by my self, but even that was difficult. Another thing which holds me back is that i cant sleep regular hours any more. I dont get up or go to sleep on regular intervals, and that pretty much makes it impossible to hold a job. Even after i get on medication i will never again attempt to find employment unless i can treat my symptoms and unless i can find a job working by myself. Never gain will i work with other people. I might just eat a bullet first.

 

[blessedbethyname101]

Yes, you know your situation best.　　You must　do what is best for you. I think you should tell the doctor about your sleep issue
since there are many medications that can help you with sleep. I think each person's experience is unique. I am hoping you do receive some relief from some type of treatment. When I think about the times I was psychotic, I feel your pain. I would not want to put anybody what we go through during these times. It is utter spiritual, emotional, and mental pain. I hope you find a doctor soon and receive help. It is not worth it to suffer for no reason. I am praying to God you find help!

let me say a prayer for you.

Dear Lord, Please help this person find the help he needs. Please guide him and help him find the right treatment for his illnesses. You are the ultimate physician, my Lord. We know you know what is best for us and can heal us. Please heal this person of his illnesses as quickly as possible. He has been suffering for years with these illnesses. It is now time for relief from them. I ask of you, my Lord, to walk with him and bless him with good doctors who can help him during this time of suffering. Please show him mercy and compassion. He needs you more than ever now. He is asking for your love, guidance, and help. Please deliver him from his current situation. We love you as always! Please again offer him the right combination of medications and treatment to help him find relief! We know you are there! Please answer our prayers. We ask of these things in your name. Amen

May God be with you always! God bless!

 

[Extraneous]

Yes, you know your situation best.　　You must　do what is best for you. I think you should tell the doctor about your sleep issue
since there are many medications that can help you with sleep. I think each person's experience is unique. I am hoping you do receive some relief from some type of treatment. When I think about the times I was psychotic, I feel your pain. I would not want to put anybody what we go through during these times. It is utter spiritual, emotional, and mental pain. I hope you find a doctor soon and receive help. It is not worth it to suffer for no reason. I am praying to God you find help!

let me say a prayer for you.

Dear Lord, Please help this person find the help he needs. Please guide him and help him find the right treatment for his illnesses. You are the ultimate physician, my Lord. We know you know what is best for us and can heal us. Please heal this person of his illnesses as quickly as possible. He has been suffering for years with these illnesses. It is now time for relief from them. I ask of you, my Lord, to walk with him and bless him with good doctors who can help him during this time of suffering. Please show him mercy and compassion. He needs you more than ever now. He is asking for your love, guidance, and help. Please deliver him from his current situation. We love you as always! Please again offer him the right combination of medications and treatment to help him find relief! We know you are there! Please answer our prayers. We ask of these things in your name. Amen

May God be with you always! God bless!

Thank you friend/sister.