Hello- I'm New

[DivineSense]

Hello-

I'm new to this forum and newly diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I became a Christian during my sophomore year of college. I am now a 35 year old married mother of two (ages 4 and 6) and full time high school English teacher. I've struggled with depression since my teens, but more recently (in the past month) my dr. says she thinks I'm showing symptoms of the bipolar spectrum. I don't really have the stereotypical "manic" episodes with high energy, euphoria, etc, but I do have extreme irritability. I am currently taking Pristiq (past 6-7mos.) and Lamictal (for only the last 4 weeks.) I believe God uses psychiatrists and medicine- so I am sure to cooperate with my dr (I trust her whole-heartedly- she's wonderful) and I take my medicine regularly.

Some days I feel pretty accepting of this disease, but other days I really struggle. I hate that I will have this the rest of my life. I know that God could heal me tomorrow if He wanted to, but I kind of feel like this might be my thorn in the flesh. It is a weakness He may have ordained for me in order to keep me humble and display His strength. I just wish I could always have this perspective. On my bad days- I'm despairing and suicidal. I feel like many times my moods and emotions replace what I know deep in my heart to be truth. I struggle with understanding the role of the Holy Spirit in a situation of mental illness. Many times I feel like I'm at the mercy of my moods- not God's mercy. I just ordered a book called Telling Yourself the Truth by William Backus (?). I would like to know if any one else can recommend some good books (other than the Bible- which I consider my ultimate authority!) to help me understand God and mental illness (esp. bipolar) Thanks! And by the way I have NEVER taken part in an online group like this- I'm kind of nervous!

 

[Alive again]

Welcome, I do not have much time tonight, but I will try to get back over the next weekend and list some books that have been helpful to me!

And btw, what you describe is so similar to my life> > >Welcome!!

 

[rickr1955]

My symptoms are similar to what you describe. Mostly depressive. First off let me say that on your bad days when suicidal ideation takes hold, look at those 2 little ones. They need both parents. My father, after many attempts over the yrs finally succeeded in killing himself when I was 18. It has left an indelible mark lasting almost 35 yrs now. I too fight against accepting BP as my life.

“Many times I feel like I'm at the mercy of my moods- not God's mercy” Wow, have you been looking into my heart? Such a raw emotion so beautifully expressed. I won’t be forgetting that anytime soon. The whole God thing has been a nightmare for me as well. I can’t seem to find my way back to where I was pre-diagnosis.

While not specifically Christian, two books my shrink recommended that I found good reads are “An Unquiet Mind” Kay Jaimesson (sp?)
“The Center Cannot Hold” Elyn Saks
Both women are professionals like yourself, and are successful in spite of mental illness.

A good Christian read dealing with the stigma surrounding mental illness is;
“Why Do Christians Shoot Their Wounded” Dwight Carlson M.D.

Rick

 

[dark struggle]

Good moring
I just found this forums a couple days ago myself. I have had to live with this since my kindergarten days. Dad didn't believe in Dr.s and such so when I would have an out burst or high energy days (which was quiet often) I would get in trouble and dad would ground me. I had been from dr to dr since high school when I was old enough to start talking myself and it wasn't until last wed. that I found one whom listned to me and it wasn't 5 minutes and she diagnosted me with a few things.
So hang in there because I know how you feel about the not want to accept this and then accepting it all can be so confusing but I think that if we stick together and give eachother support we can make it through with little disaster