Hello...I'm new here but my heart is breaking

Anonymous30 · Jun 17, 2006

Hello, I'm a 30 year old mom of two ages 7 and 11 and have been dating a man for 4 years. I just found out that my boyfriend was calling a woman from an online game we both played since January, I guess he stopped calling her in March. He lied to me when I asked him about the out of state phone calls and when i said i knew it was her, He said no it wasn't it was all in my head. I found out had an hidden email address so i figured out that password and logged in.He even changed passwords to other accounts so I wouldn't know he was emailing her.I also found severalemailsfrom him to her,tellingherheloved her and wished he would have met her four years agh and he also bought Roses for her for Valentines day which he lied about too. I really love this man and I know this is the first time he's done this. He's the ony father my children have ever known, but I can't stop thinking about what he did. I know doing the same thing to him won't fix anything,I don't know what to do anymore. Please pray for us.

tapero · Jun 17, 2006

Dear Anonymous, I am sorry about what he's done. I pray that he would turn his heart to you and you alone, and that you would be strengthened. Amen

madison1101 · Jun 17, 2006

I would dump him in a New York minute. You don't deserve this deception. Get rid of him and find someone who is honest and will only devote his affections toward you. He is not going to change.

Templedweller · Jun 18, 2006

tapero that's awesome that You are willing to pray for this situation.....That is what we need to do so that God can do His works.

As well I will pray that You will know what You ought to do too Anonymous30....It is awful that he has deceived You and has mis-taken Your trust.....Also I am SOOO sorry that He has hurt You SOOO and will be praying for You too....and that of Your kids...I will be praying for them too!!!

Sincerely,
Templedweller

Anti Existance · Jun 18, 2006

YOU DONT WANT TO BE WITH A LIAR!!!

Leave him immediatly! he's not the example you want to give to your children anyway, rather you give the right example by leaving him. You deserve to be nr.1, and you deserve a man much much better then this guy.

RomanPrincess · Jun 18, 2006

Im sorry you having to go through this......i know you love him and it must be tuff to have to find this out about him.Maybe this is NOT the man God has in mind for you.God has a plan for your life and someone better in mind for you.
Is this man a Christian?
Keep praying for him and that God will change him...it is only God that can change him.

Personally if it were me ...i would dump him so fast and not waste my time,energy or resources on him,i would spare myself the heartache.
You deserve so much better than the way he is treating you...i believe you are seeing this for the first time,his true caracther/his true colors..,finding things out about him and it makes me wonder what else he has done and what else he is hiding and what else he may do if you stay with him.Put your spiritual eyes on and try to see things through Gods eyes.Ask yourself..is this person the person God wants you to be with? Is this man God's best?( NO!)
with God all things are possible.

mom_one · Jun 20, 2006

Anonymous30 said:
Hello, I'm a 30 year old mom of two ages 7 and 11 and have been dating a man for 4 years. I just found out that my boyfriend was calling a woman from an online game we both played since January, I guess he stopped calling her in March. He lied to me when I asked him about the out of state phone calls and when i said i knew it was her, He said no it wasn't it was all in my head. I found out had an hidden email address so i figured out that password and logged in.He even changed passwords to other accounts so I wouldn't know he was emailing her.I also found severalemailsfrom him to her,tellingherheloved her and wished he would have met her four years agh and he also bought Roses for her for Valentines day which he lied about too. I really love this man and I know this is the first time he's done this. He's the ony father my children have ever known, but I can't stop thinking about what he did. I know doing the same thing to him won't fix anything,I don't know what to do anymore. Please pray for us.

I know this is easier said than done hun but I would leave him you really don't need this kind of man nor do the children need him. I would really pray to God to help you .I would forget him & pray for a good Christian man if I were you someone who will love you & your children you should not be going thru all this. I will pray for all of you

Paulos23 · Jun 20, 2006

Run far far away, and don't look back.

You have caught him in this one big lie and to me he has broken your trust in him. You should not give it back to him quickly or easly. My advice would be to break it off before you get hurt more.

UnitynLove · Jun 21, 2006

Well I would say to pray for him and if he is decieving you then leave him. Talk to him about it.

EIChief · Jun 21, 2006

Anonymous30 said:
Hello, I'm a 30 year old mom of two ages 7 and 11 and have been dating a man for 4 years. I just found out that my boyfriend was calling a woman from an online game we both played since January, I guess he stopped calling her in March. He lied to me when I asked him about the out of state phone calls and when i said i knew it was her, He said no it wasn't it was all in my head. I found out had an hidden email address so i figured out that password and logged in.He even changed passwords to other accounts so I wouldn't know he was emailing her.I also found severalemailsfrom him to her,tellingherheloved her and wished he would have met her four years agh and he also bought Roses for her for Valentines day which he lied about too. I really love this man and I know this is the first time he's done this. He's the ony father my children have ever known, but I can't stop thinking about what he did. I know doing the same thing to him won't fix anything,I don't know what to do anymore. Please pray for us.

We live in a world where people do things through the Internet that they would not do in person. Sometimes people get carried away in this electronic medium and do and say things that they would have never done face to face.

When innocent chatting turns to something more in reality then a line is crossed. It does not seem to me that your boyfriend thinks he has crossed it, or is simply in denial.

I would confront him with an ultimatum. Tell him that he has crossed the line by turning to this woman outside of the online game you played by sending flowers and such. Tell him that he must not contact her at all.

You should find out where he stands by doing this, which would probably go one of a few ways.

He could continue in his denial, submit to your demands but continue his actions behind your back. If this happens then you should seperate from him. He could simply tell you that he wants a new life with this other person, and there will be nothing further that you can do. Or he could keep his distance if he does not want to lose you, and maybe got caught up in something he temporarily lost control over.

In any event, a confrontation with him, where you clearly outline your position is in order here. Do not continue in a relationship with this person without getting to the bottom of what is truly going on.

God Bless

Anti Existance · Jun 21, 2006

Elchief, there was 'real' phonecontact, now although i consider the internet as one whole big lie, but phonecontact is much different and very personal and much more direct then the internet. The difference is that internet is wide-spread, but phone is direct one on one. No this was far more then just a fling, especially if they shifted from internet to phone contact to who knows real contact =\

kerrylee · Jun 22, 2006

This is obviously a very difficult situation for you!
You feel hurt and betrayed and unable to trust this man which is apparent from your actions in trying to find evidence of his behaviour towards this other person.
Once trust is broken, it can be very hard to sustain a loving relationship!
You say you love him, but its obvious that there are serious issues to deal with now.
You cannot love someone freely if you do not trust them! Suspicion is a cancer that will eat you up, whether you realise it or not!
The question I believe is, why do you feel that you want to continue in a relationship with this man? Do you think that you deserve to be treated like that? What mesage will it send to your children?
You need to be able to respect yourself and love yourself as much as God does of you, and then find the courage to stand up and admit this behaviour is not acceptable!
You are worth more than that, your value and worth does not come from anyone else, but God.He values you and even died for you! You are worthy!!Precious!!
If your child was an adult in your situation, what would you advise them to do? Would you tell them to settle for that kind of treatment, or empower them to change their situation for the better?
This is not about what this man has done, I believe this is about how you feel about yourself!
There has been some great advice given here, think about it all- and about what you feel you are worth in this life!
Life is defined by the decisions we make. Make good ones, for yourself and your children!
God will give you the strength and courage to do what you need to, to be happy and get the best out of life.
May He bless you and your family!

EIChief · Jun 22, 2006

Anti Existance said:
Elchief, there was 'real' phonecontact, now although i consider the internet as one whole big lie, but phonecontact is much different and very personal and much more direct then the internet. The difference is that internet is wide-spread, but phone is direct one on one. No this was far more then just a fling, especially if they shifted from internet to phone contact to who knows real contact =\

Understood...He crossed the line but does he realize it? And if confronted would he stop before things went beyond the realm of forgiveness? Or would he continue in his deception?

Like I said, an ultimatum shoudl be issued and if things don't change she should leave and take care of her and her children.

Anonymous30 · Jun 22, 2006

Thank you all for your help, I have decided to stay with him and try to forgive him, but if this happens again I will be out the door quick. He said the reason that he did it was because of some of the things I have done in the past. I told him that it wasn't right repaying evil for evil and what I did was over 3 years ago . And to the person who PM'd me, Sorry I couldn't answer your PM it said I had to have 5 posts first. Anyway thank you for all your help.

Anonymous30 · Jun 22, 2006

Oh yeah, There was real phone contact i checked my cellphone bill and he called her like everyday in January and even bought her $68.00 roses online for Valentine's Day. But he hasn't called her since March .So I really do think he feels bad about what he's done. He even cries when I say something about it or tells me "lets not talk about it".

Anti Existance · Jun 24, 2006

<edited for negative tone> Im not happy with your decision at all.

Protinus · Jun 24, 2006

AE: please keep this dialog along contructive lines with encouragement for positive outcomes. She does not deserve judgement from us.

Hello...I'm new here but my heart is breaking

New Member

Legend

Senior Veteran

Unexpected, But Always Meant To Be!!!

Anti Existance

Guest

Regular Member

Contributor

Never tell me the odds!

UnitynLove

Guest

The Brain

Anti Existance

Guest

Well-Known Member

The Brain

New Member

New Member

Anti Existance

Guest

...once more unto the breach dear friends

Similar threads

Privacy & Transparency

Privacy & Transparency