- Jun 25, 2010
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So many of us struggle with lust, and oftentimes this can lead us to sexual sin. I have been very very far down that path. I was away from these forums for a while precisely because I fell into sexual sin, fornication specifically, and remained therein for quite a while. It is a very powerful sin, one that is extraordinarily hard to break away from. I Praise God for granting me repentance. It seems such a little thing when it first happens, but it can lead down a very long and dark road, and can bring some severe and unintended consequences.
So many times I would hook up with a girl, and that was it, and I'd think nothing more of it. Other times I would hook up with a girl and the sexual relationship would continue, often quite frequently. Inevitably feelings start to develop. Sex is so much more than physical pleasure, it can lead to strong attachments, bonds that are consuming.
I had a girl I thought I was in love with, and was dating, who I found out later would routinely cheat on me. I was devastated when I caught her in her lies. The pain was immense.
Later on I went down the road of "friends with benefits". I had one girl in particular who was my "main girl" and we would hook up very regularly. She was also sleeping with other guys, and a couple times she even ditched me to go hook up with someone else. Yet more pain and anguish ripped me apart, even though I set out with the intention of not getting emotionally involved. We would both cycle between getting attached, sleeping with other people, getting attached again, sleeping with other people, and on and on. Joy gave way to pain and pain gave way to a diminished joy. My soul was rotting within me.
This fwb thing with this particular girl went on for a while and, as a hedge against getting too hurt by her affairs, I began sleeping with other girls more regularly. I had ingrained within myself a "player" mentality and wanted nothing of commitment. Yet very soon the shallowness and meaninglessness of these relationships began to drain me and pain yet again set it.
Later on I managed to find myself a new girlfriend, who was actually a decent girl, and who did not cheat on me and was committed to me. One day me and her went out to the bar with one of my female friends, who I had never slept with, and I was thinking they would get along well. They did not. This female friend of mine got very drunk and asked to spend the night. Me and my gf consented to this.
Later on that night I was in the living room where this girl was sleeping and she made an advance toward me, a very very strong one. This girl was extremely attractive. There I was, high and drunk and filled with lust for her. Suffice to say we slept together that night.
I finally had what I thought was a "good" girl in my life, and I had become so wicked within that I myself had done the very thing I hated the most; I cheated. I did what I loathed all these other girls for doing to me, and I did it to a girl that did not deserve that treatment in any way, a girl that had only been good to me.
My girlfriend and I broke up, and I hooked up with the other girl a few times, then she went on her way. I had a few more hook ups here and there but inside I felt dead with anguish and was disgusted with myself. After all of this pleasure all that abided was pain and suffering of an immense kind.
Many of you cannot relate to this kind of thing at all, and you are lucky. I lived the promiscuous dream of unregenerate man, even after having in fact been saved, and God saw to it that I got nothing out of it but pain and anguish of the soul. Soon after all of this, I felt like the author of Ecclesiastes, vanity vanity all is vanity. The Lord graciously shattered me and brought me to repentance, restoring the fellowship I had forsaken by my sin.
Though I am effectively celibate now until God graciously leads me to the woman he has for me to marry, I am filled with joy inexpressible and I desire no such sinful thing anymore. He has delivered me from all my sinful addictions, from fornication to drugs to alcohol to smoking, and has been renewing and sanctifying my soul immensely. I am so thankful for his grace and his mercy, which abide and remain even in spite of my utter failures and faithlessness.
My point in all of this? Do not for a second desire any of the things the world chases after. I have been there and done that, and a child of God will find no lasting fulfillment in these things, only pain and suffering. Sure sin is pleasurable for a time, but with it comes a scaring of the soul so severe that I will likely suffer from the consequences of my actions for some time to come.
God gives us guidelines not to be a dictator over us, but as a loving father calling his children away from danger. Believe it or not, God knows better than we do how life is best to be lived. I know this now, and I praise him for his glorious grace and mercy.
May this testimony nourish all of you out there who so desperately need to hear it. Remember the proverb;
"Do not be envious of evil men
Do not desire to be with them" (Proverbs 24:1)
So many times I would hook up with a girl, and that was it, and I'd think nothing more of it. Other times I would hook up with a girl and the sexual relationship would continue, often quite frequently. Inevitably feelings start to develop. Sex is so much more than physical pleasure, it can lead to strong attachments, bonds that are consuming.
I had a girl I thought I was in love with, and was dating, who I found out later would routinely cheat on me. I was devastated when I caught her in her lies. The pain was immense.
Later on I went down the road of "friends with benefits". I had one girl in particular who was my "main girl" and we would hook up very regularly. She was also sleeping with other guys, and a couple times she even ditched me to go hook up with someone else. Yet more pain and anguish ripped me apart, even though I set out with the intention of not getting emotionally involved. We would both cycle between getting attached, sleeping with other people, getting attached again, sleeping with other people, and on and on. Joy gave way to pain and pain gave way to a diminished joy. My soul was rotting within me.
This fwb thing with this particular girl went on for a while and, as a hedge against getting too hurt by her affairs, I began sleeping with other girls more regularly. I had ingrained within myself a "player" mentality and wanted nothing of commitment. Yet very soon the shallowness and meaninglessness of these relationships began to drain me and pain yet again set it.
Later on I managed to find myself a new girlfriend, who was actually a decent girl, and who did not cheat on me and was committed to me. One day me and her went out to the bar with one of my female friends, who I had never slept with, and I was thinking they would get along well. They did not. This female friend of mine got very drunk and asked to spend the night. Me and my gf consented to this.
Later on that night I was in the living room where this girl was sleeping and she made an advance toward me, a very very strong one. This girl was extremely attractive. There I was, high and drunk and filled with lust for her. Suffice to say we slept together that night.
I finally had what I thought was a "good" girl in my life, and I had become so wicked within that I myself had done the very thing I hated the most; I cheated. I did what I loathed all these other girls for doing to me, and I did it to a girl that did not deserve that treatment in any way, a girl that had only been good to me.
My girlfriend and I broke up, and I hooked up with the other girl a few times, then she went on her way. I had a few more hook ups here and there but inside I felt dead with anguish and was disgusted with myself. After all of this pleasure all that abided was pain and suffering of an immense kind.
Many of you cannot relate to this kind of thing at all, and you are lucky. I lived the promiscuous dream of unregenerate man, even after having in fact been saved, and God saw to it that I got nothing out of it but pain and anguish of the soul. Soon after all of this, I felt like the author of Ecclesiastes, vanity vanity all is vanity. The Lord graciously shattered me and brought me to repentance, restoring the fellowship I had forsaken by my sin.
Though I am effectively celibate now until God graciously leads me to the woman he has for me to marry, I am filled with joy inexpressible and I desire no such sinful thing anymore. He has delivered me from all my sinful addictions, from fornication to drugs to alcohol to smoking, and has been renewing and sanctifying my soul immensely. I am so thankful for his grace and his mercy, which abide and remain even in spite of my utter failures and faithlessness.
My point in all of this? Do not for a second desire any of the things the world chases after. I have been there and done that, and a child of God will find no lasting fulfillment in these things, only pain and suffering. Sure sin is pleasurable for a time, but with it comes a scaring of the soul so severe that I will likely suffer from the consequences of my actions for some time to come.
God gives us guidelines not to be a dictator over us, but as a loving father calling his children away from danger. Believe it or not, God knows better than we do how life is best to be lived. I know this now, and I praise him for his glorious grace and mercy.
May this testimony nourish all of you out there who so desperately need to hear it. Remember the proverb;
"Do not be envious of evil men
Do not desire to be with them" (Proverbs 24:1)
