Heart to heart.....

[Defcon]

I wanted to share this with you all as I have been pretty much down in the dumps the last week. My wife and I have decided that we have to leave our church. It has everything to do with doctrine - not that we're reformed and they aren't; but that we have an understanding of theology and they want none. This of course starts with the pastor who does his best Joel Olstein (sp?) impression every Sunday morning by telling us not to give up, encourage others, love, love, love, etc. with no mention of sin, no explanation of why Christ died, and no teaching on who God is. We have mentioned in leadership meetings (we're a small church -5 years old,we've been there almost 3) that we need to teach doctrine but it falls on deaf ears. My wife and I are/were very involved - she led the music ministry and we were the youth leaders - but this has been going on for over a year and we can't deal with it any longer. This Sunday will be our last as we will tell our pastor that we won't be back.

It's been extremely discouraging as there are kids and adults that we will definitely miss, but the alternative is to continue going to a church who does the very thing we despise- ignoring God's Word. In the next few weeks I may be asking about new churches etc. but right now can't think that far ahead. Anyone else have to go through leaving a church before?

 

[Jon_]

I wanted to share this with you all as I have been pretty much down in the dumps the last week. My wife and I have decided that we have to leave our church. It has everything to do with doctrine - not that we're reformed and they aren't; but that we have an understanding of theology and they want none. This of course starts with the pastor who does his best Joel Olstein (sp?) impression every Sunday morning by telling us not to give up, encourage others, love, love, love, etc. with no mention of sin, no explanation of why Christ died, and no teaching on who God is. We have mentioned in leadership meetings (we're a small church -5 years old,we've been there almost 3) that we need to teach doctrine but it falls on deaf ears. My wife and I are/were very involved - she led the music ministry and we were the youth leaders - but this has been going on for over a year and we can't deal with it any longer. This Sunday will be our last as we will tell our pastor that we won't be back.

It's been extremely discouraging as there are kids and adults that we will definitely miss, but the alternative is to continue going to a church who does the very thing we despise- ignoring God's Word. In the next few weeks I may be asking about new churches etc. but right now can't think that far ahead. Anyone else have to go through leaving a church before?

Ugh, leaving a church is extremely difficult. I empathize with you. Our family went through this when we left our Nazarene church, where my dad was the adult Sunday School teacher and my mom was the pianist for worship. We had a long heritage in the Nazarene (hardcore Arminians) church, but my dad, as he prepared his Sunday School lessons everyday, was revealed the truth of the word through the Holy Spirit. God did not hide his wisdom from him and as he continued to study, he began to realize that so much of what the Nazarene church affirmed simply was not biblical. The thing that really decided it was our pastor. He was simply a miserable, selfish, impious man that was more interested in running a religious country club than a church.

Enough about me, though. I commend you in the name of Christ for making this very difficult decision. Relationships are very important, but no relationship is more important than that which we have with God. A church that deigns to preach the word of God in the fullness of its expression is no church for a godly couple. I'm praying for you. Praying that God would bring you to a church where his word is truly partaken of as the bread of life it is.

Soli Deo Gloria

Jon

 

[Cajun Huguenot]

I wanted to share this with you all as I have been pretty much down in the dumps the last week. My wife and I have decided that we have to leave our church. It has everything to do with doctrine - not that we're reformed and they aren't; but that we have an understanding of theology and they want none. This of course starts with the pastor who does his best Joel Olstein (sp?) impression every Sunday morning by telling us not to give up, encourage others, love, love, love, etc. with no mention of sin, no explanation of why Christ died, and no teaching on who God is. We have mentioned in leadership meetings (we're a small church -5 years old,we've been there almost 3) that we need to teach doctrine but it falls on deaf ears. My wife and I are/were very involved - she led the music ministry and we were the youth leaders - but this has been going on for over a year and we can't deal with it any longer. This Sunday will be our last as we will tell our pastor that we won't be back.

It's been extremely discouraging as there are kids and adults that we will definitely miss, but the alternative is to continue going to a church who does the very thing we despise- ignoring God's Word. In the next few weeks I may be asking about new churches etc. but right now can't think that far ahead. Anyone else have to go through leaving a church before?

I too feel for you and your wife nd I will also pray that the Lord will lead you to a churrch where the whole Council of God is preached and lived.

In Christ,
Kenith

 

[edie19]

I'm where I am (and where God wants me to be) for a comparable reason. As a young adult with children I was looking for a church, with reformational roots, that was similar to the church I grew up in. I chose a UCC because it was similar to my Presbyterian background and because I had friends who attended (so I didn't start off a total stranger). As I grew in knowledge and understanding of Scripture I began to see things missing in this particular congregation - not enough Scriptural teaching heading the list. I remember sitting in a meeting one time and different people were talking about what the UCC meant to them - the answers were all fellowship & service related, not one single answer about God. I couldn't help thinking, why aren't we a social club - what's the difference? But the straw that broke this camel's back - we had a pulpit exchange one Sunday. I don't remember the topic of the guest pastor's sermon, but I do remembe one thing he said very clearly. This man of God (?) stood in the pulpit and said that true theologians couldn't truly attribute most of Jesus' teachings to Him - that we couldn't be sure that He spoke the words of the Sermon on the Mount or the Lord's Prayer. It took everything I had not to take my 2 children by the hand and walk out in the middle of the service (actually, the older I get the more I wish I had done that).

I'm not saying I left the next week - I didn't. It probably took 6-12 months, I kept hoping things would change, plus I loved the people. These were men and women who truly took "loving their neighbor" and taking care of "the least of these" to heart. But I knew I needed more.

I had a list of churches to visit - starting with one (a Vineyard) a friend (from the same UCC) was attending. I went there first and never went to the rest of the churches on my list. We've changed since then - we split from the Vineyard less than 6 months after I started attending (pastor was reformed and the Vineyard wasn't), then a few years later one of the elders planted a church and I went with him (David and his wife Jeni are 2 of my best friends). I've been worshiping with the same people for ~12 years, at Providence Reformed Baptist for 6. I don't ever want to leave the Toledo area because I can't imagine worshiping anywhere else.

If you ever visit Toledo - please come worship with you. You'll be welcomed, you'll be fed (both Scripturally and physically) and you'll be loved.

I know from my experience, prayer for God's guidance will take you to where you're supposed to be. My heart goes out to your family because I also know how difficult this process can be.

God be with you.
edie

 

[calmcoolandelected]

Defcon,


Recently, our family had to go through this gut-wrenching process. As it turned out, we did not leave our church as circumstances changed DRASTICALLY. We went through a couple of years of discouragement and disillusionment. I have to admit that I was ready to just throw my hands up and leave early on (and about every other week after that!:o ). My husband reminded me that our membership vows are very important and that we should make every effort NOT to leave. In fact, as a dear friend has said, "Leaving a church should be one of the hardest things a person does".

Having said all that, I have a couple of questions for you. Have you met with your pastor or any church leadership and discussed any of this? I'm sure that you have done this but I still will ask, have you been in fervent prayer for your pastor and other leaders? I have come to realize that as a member of my church, it is imparitive that I pray for the leaders of my church. There is so much for them to deal with spiritually and also that they don't succumb to every wind that blows about in the Christian community.

I'll pray for your family and your church as you go through this process. Whatever the outcome, may God be glorified through you and your family.

CC&E

 

[JJB]

Ah, Defcon, it is tough. Church isn't solely about preaching and the preacher. It's also fellowship and service, which is where we meet one another face to face. That's what makes it so difficult when you feel you must leave.

We went through several divisive pastors before we left. The elders continued to choose candidates that wanted to have more "consensus" with other faiths, we knew the congregation was headed divisiveness or departure. Many chose to leave. We stuck it out for awhile, then we physically moved so we could no longer attend there.

The only reformed church we knew in our new town was going through a pastor search and we just could not fathom that again. We found a non-denominational church that we continued to return to. So we stopped looking and currently call this church home. They had such good, solid bible teaching that we yearned for worship time. After several years we lost that pastor to another ministry with a worldwide audience, and now have one who is reformed.

God is good and will guide you with every step you take in faith.

 

[Defcon]

I appreciate all the responses so far. They have been extremely uplifting.

Concerning whether we have discussed this with our pastor - yes, multiple times we have discussed how doctrine needs to be addressed as well as other poor leadership decisions he has made (pretty much the choice is always to do nothing). If you are asking if we have sat down with him and said "If this doesn't change- we're outta here", no - but for good reason. Doing so would mean that we were constantly grading him every service, then is he changing only because he fears us leaving? Is that what it should be? We thought about doing that but the ultimatem was just not an option. Not when we are such visible parts of the church. Inevitably there will be an effect on the congregation, but the quieter we leave the better. We have even made arrangements to meet with the area pastor concerning the issues at the church (which my wife has done already months ago, but nothing changed). All we can do is hope that the pastor and the leadership will evaluate the situation make changes. However, I can't be sure that what is being taught isn't exactly what the leadership wants taught.

 

[Rolf Ernst]

I wanted to share this with you all as I have been pretty much down in the dumps the last week. My wife and I have decided that we have to leave our church. It has everything to do with doctrine - not that we're reformed and they aren't; but that we have an understanding of theology and they want none. This of course starts with the pastor who does his best Joel Olstein (sp?) impression every Sunday morning by telling us not to give up, encourage others, love, love, love, etc. with no mention of sin, no explanation of why Christ died, and no teaching on who God is. We have mentioned in leadership meetings (we're a small church -5 years old,we've been there almost 3) that we need to teach doctrine but it falls on deaf ears. My wife and I are/were very involved - she led the music ministry and we were the youth leaders - but this has been going on for over a year and we can't deal with it any longer. This Sunday will be our last as we will tell our pastor that we won't be back.

It's been extremely discouraging as there are kids and adults that we will definitely miss, but the alternative is to continue going to a church who does the very thing we despise- ignoring God's Word. In the next few weeks I may be asking about new churches etc. but right now can't think that far ahead. Anyone else have to go through leaving a church before?

Defcon--I agree with your position. The Bible clearly says that God has "given unto us all things that pertain unto life and godfliness through the knowledge of Him."
and that comes through learning of Him; that is, through theology. To turn away from proclaiming the truths of Christ is apostasy.

 

[Imblessed]

Defcon,

we are all praying for you as you make this difficult decision. My family also changed churches a couple of years ago. We realized that something had to change when we would wake up every sunday morning looking for an excuse not to go, but feeling obligated anyway. Although we were not leaders in the church as you and your wife are, it was a difficult decision to move.

Know that you are making the right choice though. I've come to realize how valuable good strong biblical teaching is, and would give up the social aspect in a minute to keep that. I went for years being taught milk, milk, milk---and the joy you feel sitting in a service where the pastor is teaching solid stuff is second to none.

We will pray that God leads you to a strong, biblical church!!!!

 

[A New Dawn]

I wanted to share this with you all as I have been pretty much down in the dumps the last week. My wife and I have decided that we have to leave our church. It has everything to do with doctrine - not that we're reformed and they aren't; but that we have an understanding of theology and they want none. This of course starts with the pastor who does his best Joel Olstein (sp?) impression every Sunday morning by telling us not to give up, encourage others, love, love, love, etc. with no mention of sin, no explanation of why Christ died, and no teaching on who God is. We have mentioned in leadership meetings (we're a small church -5 years old,we've been there almost 3) that we need to teach doctrine but it falls on deaf ears. My wife and I are/were very involved - she led the music ministry and we were the youth leaders - but this has been going on for over a year and we can't deal with it any longer. This Sunday will be our last as we will tell our pastor that we won't be back.

It's been extremely discouraging as there are kids and adults that we will definitely miss, but the alternative is to continue going to a church who does the very thing we despise- ignoring God's Word. In the next few weeks I may be asking about new churches etc. but right now can't think that far ahead. Anyone else have to go through leaving a church before?

Boy, do I know how you feel!

I was RLDS all my life till less that 4 months ago when I left it. I have known the people there for over 20 years, and it really hurt, not just them, but me, too, when I left. They were friends, and, in a way, family. But not only was the church departing from the Christian walk, God also showed me that it was based on a lie, and for that reason I had to leave it.

It's been hard attending a new church. I chose a non-denom. church in the community because I don't think my husband (who is still very much RLDS) would condone a specific denomination. The new church is a mega-church and is sooo completely different from what I am used to, but the saving part of it is that I finally get to hear the word of God preached. And I have found a Bible study group to belong to there, also, and luckily the teacher of the study group is calvinist.

I will keep you in my prayers as you make your final decision and take the action you need to for you and your family. God bless!

 

[janny108]

We have been through the same situation and can definitely empathize with you. After a long hard search (and having to leave budding friendships) we decided on a PCA church. I am studying to become a member. This church has the promise of EVERYTHING even though it has not yet materialized. The pastor is fairly new to the area, and we've been there 3 weeks I think. I am believing for growth and also growth from within believers to rise up. It's more conservative than I'm used to, but it feels right.

Jan

 

[Defcon]

Thanks for all of your prayers. We have let our pastor know that we won't be attending any more and have discussed reasons for our decision. What's weird is my wife was having a very tough time beforehand dealing with the situation and I was relaxed and resolved. Now, after our discussion with our pastor, she is the one at peace and I'm getting eaten up inside. Funny how that works.....

 

[edie19]

Thanks for all of your prayers. We have let our pastor know that we won't be attending any more and have discussed reasons for our decision. What's weird is my wife was having a very tough time beforehand dealing with the situation and I was relaxed and resolved. Now, after our discussion with our pastor, she is the one at peace and I'm getting eaten up inside. Funny how that works.....

Will continue to keep you in prayer as you look for a new church home. Our Father God has a place that will be a perfect fit.

edie