He refuses to read ..

[seeingeyes]

Umm...no..lol It was more of me showing him what I would like.

Just checking. Ya never know! lol

I am trying very hard to be nice to him..to do little things for him..help him...be affectionate..but it just seems like he has checked out and I dont know what to do other than pray.I believe we are supposed to be together, but we are so far away from being"one" like the bible says we are to be. Is this really the marriage God has chosen for me? (not questioning the man, just the circumstances)

Have you told him this? Maybe ask him if he feels close to you?

 

[savedgirl10]

Just checking. Ya never know! lol



Have you told him this? Maybe ask him if he feels close to you?

He knows how I feel...but he is fine with the way things are..so he does not take my concerns very seriously. Then I start to think I am nuts or being difficult...and this will lead to more issues...so I just feel "stuck"

 

[Inkachu]

If one spouse is not OK, then both spouses should not be OK. You're supposed to be "one", connected, united, joined together. Even if he feels fine with the circumstances for himself, knowing that you, his wife, are not OK, should make him "not OK" as well, because your burdens are his burdens, your cares are his cares. At least, that's how it's supposed to work.

Have you asked if he would be willing to explore counseling, so you might discover why you feel so unsatisfied with a relationshp that seems to be completely sufficient for him? There's obviously a big rift here for some reason.

 

[savedgirl10]

Yes..we have talked about getting help..but with me having the issues...then he feels I am the one in need of help. So basically as long as I clean the house..cook..take kids where they need to go..and perform my " wifely duty " when ever he wants then all is good for him. He is a good provider, and not a horrible guy, but there is just a wall we cant seem to agree on or get past.

 

[seeingeyes]

He knows how I feel...but he is fine with the way things are..so he does not take my concerns very seriously. Then I start to think I am nuts or being difficult...and this will lead to more issues...so I just feel "stuck"

Our unspoken expectations come into play a lot in marriage.

One time, I had to go out late at night to help a friend. I left after my husband went to sleep, and I got back before he was awake. In the morning he said that he was so glad I was home. I asked him what the difference was, since he had been asleep the whole time, and he said, "I just like it when you're in the house".

Now for me, that doesn't make any sense at all. If we are having zero interaction, then what's the difference if we're in the same building? (Frankly, I'd rather have an empty house! ) So this is not a feeling that I would ever have considered on my own.

Counseling can be very helpful in unearthing these expectations. It can help you sort out "valid concerns" from "being too difficult". Tell him that you need him to help you get help.

 

[Inkachu]

Yes..we have talked about getting help..but with me having the issues...then he feels I am the one in need of help. So basically as long as I clean the house..cook..take kids where they need to go..and perform my " wifely duty " when ever he wants then all is good for him. He is a good provider, and not a horrible guy, but there is just a wall we cant seem to agree on or get past.

But as your husband, and one half of this "one flesh" that God created when you got married, YOUR issues are HIS issues. Does he not believe that you are a united entity in God's eyes? That "your problems" are just yours, and not his as well? I mean, if you had cancer, would he say "Sorry hon, that's YOUR cancer, I don't have cancer, so I'm fine over here, you just go on and deal with YOUR cancer by yourself"???

The fact that there is a "wall" you can't seem to agree on or get past means that you need help!

If he won't go with you, try going by yourself for a while, and see if he's willing to come on board. You can't hurt anything by going alone, and you might just find something to your benefit.

 

[Audiomechanic]

I am trying very hard to be nice to him..to do little things for him..help him...be affectionate..but it just seems like he has checked out and I dont know what to do other than pray.I believe we are supposed to be together, but we are so far away from being"one" like the bible says we are to be. Is this really the marriage God has chosen for me? (not questioning the man, just the circumstances)

Did you see my previous post?

 

[savedgirl10]

Did you see my previous post?

Yes I did..thanks..I will see if I can find a copy of the book

 

[CounselorForChrist]

I didn't' get a chance to read all the responses but I don't bring my bible to church. But its because I am learning disabled. Its easier for me to her and see someone preach about it since they get into it and I learn better. At home I do read it with devotions. Although I skip the OT only because my mind has a hard time keep the OT and NT scriptures separated sometimes because of my memory issues.

But I still know ALOT of the OT from as a child. I do think he should maybe do bible studies then if he won't read it his bible at all. Granted I'm not much for bible studies because there are to many mixed views in groups and I don't want someone teaching a corrupted view of what scripture means. Thankfully whatever my wife and I read online (shes overseas for now) we talk about and determine if what it was trying to say was right or not.

 

[sdmsanjose]

Recap:

You want him to read the Bible

He states that “he knows all he needs to about the bible”

You enjoy devotions and studying the Bible and your husband says that your priorities are wrong

Your husband says that your top priority is “paying attention to what he wants or needs at the moment.”

Your husband is fine the way things are and does not take your concerns seriously

Savedgirl states “we are not exactly passionate and as close as I would love to be”

Husband thinks that you are the only one that needs help





Comments:


It appears that your husband wants you to put him above God. In addition, your husband is very wrong about your priority of your Bible reading and study being wrong. .Your husband is more content with your relationship than you are but you want more closeness; in fact I now think the closeness issue is your main concern rather than him not reading the Bible.


Without hearing your husband’s side of the story I would say that your husband is selfish and inconsiderate. What can you do about it? Well since he will not agree to outside help for himself it seems like the only thing you can do is to get help for yourself and keep praying. My guess would be that either your husband has a leaning in his nature to be selfish and inconsiderate or there are issues that he or both of you have that have not been brought out into the open and worked on.

I do think that a good professional Christian counselor could guide you in some actions that may wake your husband up and give you a better understanding of the issues. . Just make sure that the counselor has a lot of experience and success in your situation.

Is this really the marriage God has chosen for me?

God does not choose marriages so they wind up in conflict. Your marriage is what it is because of your husband’s free will choices or both of your choices.

I hope that you both get better but you building your faith with reading and hearing the word of God is very important as you may have to go through some real rough times.

 

[MessianicMommy]

I'm coming into this a bit late, but have you or your husband ever considered he might have been emotionally or spiritually abused and certain passages or pressures over reading the Bible cause those issues to dredge up again?