He refuses to read ..

[Avniel]

1)How deep do you know about the "force" to read the bible issue? It seems to me maybe he suffered some sort of abuse, possible spiritual abuse, at the the hands of those that "forced" him to read the bible. What was this force? How did he respond to it? How is his relationship with those that forced him?

2)Also it seems to me that he doesn't enjoy reading. He would rather watch tv and just sit back and enjoy a few programs on the tube. Maybe reading isn't his strong point.

3) The bible teaches us to train a child. If he was forced to read the bible it is very possible that this taught him to associate reading the word with that force. Therefore when he thinks about the word he thinks about the negative feelings he had as a child doing something he didn't like.

4) Why does he need to go out to these bible studies? He doesn't enjoy reading, he doesn't seem to be the type of person that wants to go to an event just to read. Have you tried to have a home bible study, have you thought about getting bible study dvds where you two could do your bible study together.

 

[sdmsanjose]

By savedgirl

I guess part of me wonders too, am not being submissive if I continue my studies? If he wants me to give them up and I don't am I sinning?

NO.
I answered your question several posts ago (see reprinted quotes below) but will add some scriptures to substantiate my point. I realize that my opinions without scriptures do not mean much so at the bottom of my post I will add some scripture references.

Keep doing those things that God wants you to do like bible studies/reading scriptures. God is your number one priority but other priorities are to be attended to as well.

Never let anyone talk you into moving God down from being number one priority.

If you are studying and hearing God’s word as well as attending to other matters that God wants then there is no sin in what you are doing. Have you read the story of David, Nabal, and Abigail?
1 Samuel 25

David, Nabal and Abigail


Abigail the wife did contrary what her husband wanted and because Abigail did what God wanted and Nabal did not, God killed Nabal. Abigail then became David's wife as david was so impressed with her. Now I am not saying the God is going to kill your husband but the story clearly proves my point that God is priority over any husband or any one else.



Studying and hearing scriptures is what God wants. If your husband wants you to stop doing what God wants then he may be sinning. At the very least it is dangerous to follow a husband when he is testing the spirit of God in the wrong way. The story of Ananias and Sapphire in Acts 5 proves this point. Ananias tested the spirit of God in the wrong way and his wife obeyed her husband and did the same. God struck them both dead. I know that these two stories are quite drastic but again the scriptures get the point across quite clearly that God is priority over husband and everyone else.
Acts 5:1-11

Ananias and Sapphira






There are lots of biblical stories that illustrate that anyone that tries to interfere with a person making God the number one priority are the ones that are against God. A few stories in the Bible are; Daniel defying the King's orders to not pray to God, Peter and John telling the high priest and the religious authoritative that they are going to keep telling people about Jesus because it is better to obey God than man, etc

SavedGirl, I am surprised that you thought that you were sinning by studying and hearing the word of God. It appears to me that you do not have a complete biblical understanding of the S word as it relates to husbands, wives, and God. You are very brave to bring your questions out in the open. With the scriptures as your guide, I hope that you do not feel that you are sinning. In addition, you will have to determine if your husband is trying to get you to not follow God’s scriptures about hearing and studying God’s word. Pray for God’s wisdom on these matters.

We are not allowed to discuss the S word because the Christian Forum authorities do not allow us to discuss submission as it relates to husbands and wives. However, I am sure your Bible study group will allow the scriptures relating to submission.
I have tip toed around the word submission but I know that you did not know about the Christian forum rules and your question about submission was too important to ignore. Your innocent question is one of the reasons that I would like for the Christian Forum authorities to re consider he discussion of the S word in certain contexts

As far as you wanting your husband to attend your bible studies, Wolfgate’s post laid out that issue quite well.

 

[Inkachu]

It sounds like he's made up his mind, and you've broached the subject with him, and he's not gonna budge. At this point, I think any further nagging from you is just going to frustrate and alienate him.

I would continue to attend your classes and groups and not feel one iota of guilt about it. Your loyalty is to GOD before your husband. You aren't doing anything wrong; you're doing things right, and my instinct is that your husband knows he should be as well, and his own conviction is making him "prickly" towards the time you're rightfully spending in the Word. I wouldn't rub any of this in his face, just quietly continue as you have been.

Then pray for God to soften his heart and create a void in him that can only be filled with the Word. When we've done all we can with someone, and they just aren't budging, it's time to let God step in and do some working

Another thing you can try is listening to an audio Bible, loud enough for him to overhear Then he'd be getting some Scripture into his head whether he likes it or not lol. Obviously, if he balked or complained about it, you should turn it off You could also hang Scripture up around the house (as artwork, or just as little "reminders" here and there; we have a shower curtain with Bible verses all over it, so we get some Bible in our heads even when we're on the potty lol).

Have you ever asked him what his understanding is (since he's SO knowledgable about the Bible already) on the many, many passages that mention talking about God's words, laws, commands, ways, blessings, etc? Nowhere in the Bible is it even hinted at that we should "learn the Bible and then stop reading it or talking about it". It's just the opposite!

 

[seeingeyes]

He says my priorities are wrong.

What does he say your top priority should be?

 

[savedgirl10]

What does he say your top priority should be?

Him....paying attention to what he wants or needs at the moment.

 

[ValleyGal]

Are you his top priority, and does he pay attention to what you want or need at the moment?

 

[savedgirl10]

Are you his top priority, and does he pay attention to what you want or need at the moment?

Nope...we split up about 8 months ago..but talked through things and we decided we wanted to work on our marriage..but now things are right back to the old ways... while we are not fighting ..we are not exactly passionate and as close as I would love to be. He zones out in front of the tv and we pretty much ignore each other..unless he wants"attention".
I know God can bring us to where we need to be, so I just keep praying for that.
But it does get lonely sometimes.

 

[ValleyGal]

One of the ways to start getting attention is to give it. If he wants your attention, the best way to do that is to pay attention to you. And it also goes the other way. But if you try to pay attention to him and he chooses to zone out in front of the tv, then he is rejecting your attempts at connection. This is very destructive to a marriage....but if he never makes any bids for connection, that's just as destructive.

People should never expect more than they are willing to do themselves. Iow, if he expects you to cater to him, then he should also be catering to you.

 

[savedgirl10]

One of the ways to start getting attention is to give it. If he wants your attention, the best way to do that is to pay attention to you. And it also goes the other way. But if you try to pay attention to him and he chooses to zone out in front of the tv, then he is rejecting your attempts at connection. This is very destructive to a marriage....but if he never makes any bids for connection, that's just as destructive.

People should never expect more than they are willing to do themselves. Iow, if he expects you to cater to him, then he should also be catering to you.

These points have been gently brought up..but so far nothing has changed.
He says he is ok with things just as they are..so that makes me question myself...Am I expecting/wanting to much by wanting a Godly ,loving marriage?
I don't know what the answers are, but I know I need to just pray about it and hope for the changes.

 

[Audiomechanic]

He says he is ok with things just as they are..so that makes me question myself...Am I expecting/wanting to much by wanting a Godly ,loving marriage?
I don't know what the answers are, but I know I need to just pray about it and hope for the changes.

Which means he's not considering your needs. As you have said, it's one sided. Your husband has demonstrated that the status quo is fine with him, even if it is not fine with you. Therefore, no action for change will come from him. It must come from you. Is that fair? Nope. But it is what it is.

Read this book and apply what it says:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Love-Languages-Secret-Lasts/dp/0802473156

Gary Chapman describes several examples in that book of marriages that were essentially in the same state as yours.

 

[seeingeyes]

Him....paying attention to what he wants or needs at the moment.

Ah well. Tell him his priorities are all wrong.

Just kidding...that would start a fight.

Try this: "I enjoy Bible study. I like studying the Bible with others, and it is very important to me. I'm going to keep going to Bible study 2 nights a week indefinitely. Is there something that you would like us to do together the other 5 nights a week?"

 

[savedgirl10]

Ah well. Tell him his priorities are all wrong.

Just kidding...that would start a fight.

Try this: "I enjoy Bible study. I like studying the Bible with others, and it is very important to me. I'm going to keep going to Bible study 2 nights a week indefinitely. Is there something that you would like us to do together the other 5 nights a week?"

Yes..he has made very known what he would like to do the other five nights

 

[seeingeyes]

Yes..he has made very known what he would like to do the other five nights

Ok, so he would like to watch tv and get it on five nights a week.

Are you willing to do that for him?

 

[savedgirl10]

I am not sure....there are other areas that need help in regards to that....

 

[catholichomeschooler]

My husband says he was baptized at the age of 15, and was raised Catholic prior to that. He says he has been forced to read his bible all through out Catholic school as a child, but he is 46 now. He goes to church with me, however even though he brings his bible, he never once has opened it. I have asked him if he would like to maybe do some devotions or scripture reading with me..he says yes..but then finds excuses to not to. So i just drop it. I don't want him to feel forced into anything, but am I wrong for wanting to have some type of bond through sharing God's word ?
God has healed our marriage, and I am so thankful for that, but I want us to share more than church service on Sunday mornings. I fully believe that we could benefit so much from quiet time in God's word.
I attend a couple of bible studies during the week, and I actually enjoy my devotions and study/reading of my bible. He says my priorities are wrong.
I am not sure what he is expecting....I refuse to give up what I enjoy.

Maybe he would be more open if you attended a Catholic Church.

 

[seeingeyes]

I am not sure....there are other areas that need help in regards to that....

It would be a good idea to address those, then.

I mean, I don't know your history, and a lot can go wrong in that department, but your husband was able to be straightforward with you about what he wants, what he doesn't want, and even why he doesn't want it (whether you agree with his reasoning is a separate issue).

Are you courageous enough to do the same?

 

[savedgirl10]

I have done that.... he responds by saying I am mean.

 

[seeingeyes]

I have done that.... he responds by saying I am mean.

Hard to tell if you were without knowing what you said. Like, if you told him, "I don't want to be near you because you have a frog face", then he would be right.

 

[savedgirl10]

I am trying very hard to be nice to him..to do little things for him..help him...be affectionate..but it just seems like he has checked out and I dont know what to do other than pray.I believe we are supposed to be together, but we are so far away from being"one" like the bible says we are to be. Is this really the marriage God has chosen for me? (not questioning the man, just the circumstances)

 

[savedgirl10]

Hard to tell if you were without knowing what you said. Like, if you told him, "I don't want to be near you because you have a frog face", then he would be right.

Umm...no..lol It was more of me showing him what I would like.