He loves me but I'm not attracted to him

[Stelz]

Hi all,

I really need advice. There's this guy who's been attending the same church as me for years. We started talking this year February. After our first date, I received a message from him telling me he loves me and I was left shocked because I barely knew him. He's looking at a future with me.

My circle of friends is not very large so men don't usually approach me. He's the first man to really be persistent. He just started his law firm and most importantly, HE LOVES GOD. Which is very important for me. I've asked around and I've been told he's a decent and an honest man.

We talk almost everyday on phone or text but my only problem is I am not attracted to him. I've really tried my best and I don't know what to do. Has anyone here gone through the same thing? What did you do? Should I tell him or should I just go ahead with him? These days, I don't even want to talk to him because I am so confused. I don't want to lead him on when I'm not attracted to him.

 

[Monk Brendan]

If you're not attracted to him, tell him now! The only thing you are doing is raising false hopes. Many years ago, I met a girl and I loved her, almost from the beginning. She didn't love me, but she did not tell me that. Instead, she lead me on for a couple of years. I thought I had a chance with her, but in the end, she told me that she did not love me, and asked me to leave her alone. I was practically suicidal. Thanks be to God, I was able to get over it, but it HURT for years.

I'm much older now, and a bit wiser, plus I have my vocation as a monk, so I'm okay, I have no idea what happened to XXXX, though. But as God leads me, I continue to pray for her. I did learn what forgiveness is about.

 

[paul1149]

It's one thing to tell a girl you love her after the first date, and another to do so when she's given absolutely no indication that the feeling is requited. He has acted very unwisely and thrown you into confusion and the relationship into jeopardy. It would have been a lot better for him to keep his feelings to himself and allow yours to grow over time, without pressure, if that is in the cards. Keep that in mind as you evaluate getting involved with him.

 

[SkyWriting]

Hi all,

I really need advice. There's this guy who's been attending the same church as me for years. We started talking this year February. After our first date, I received a message from him telling me he loves me and I was left shocked because I barely knew him. He's looking at a future with me.

My circle of friends is not very large so men don't usually approach me. He's the first man to really be persistent. He just started his law firm and most importantly, HE LOVES GOD. Which is very important for me. I've asked around and I've been told he's a decent and an honest man.

We talk almost everyday on phone or text but my only problem is I am not attracted to him. I've really tried my best and I don't know what to do. Has anyone here gone through the same thing? What did you do? Should I tell him or should I just go ahead with him? These days, I don't even want to talk to him because I am so confused. I don't want to lead him on when I'm not attracted to him.

Gently back away from somebody who is not mindful of your feelings as a higher priority than his own.
On the top of your checklist is his ability to consider your feelings for him.
His beliefs are his own business.

 

[RaymondG]

If you don't desire unattractive children, leave him now. If you find this a hard decision to make, you are not ready for a relationship....which happens to also be a good reason to use while breaking up.....just be sure to also let him know that you will never to ready for a relationship..... with him.

 

[Stelz]

Thank you everyone for your honest opinions. Very much appreciated. Let me ponder on my final decision. Thanks again

 

[Dirk1540]

IDK, wouldn't you love to be excited over someone? "There's no chemistry" is a cliche for a reason. In his case, it's also best for him to be with someone who is excited to be with him. So going out with him if you're not excited to be with him actually isn't doing him any favors anyway. I would hate to date someone who just has a "Meh" feeling towards me, even if I was crazy about her.

Maybe there was a chance it could have slowly developed, he kind of through a monkey wrench in that possibility when he told you he loved you though, he made it awkward. It would be one thing if you 2 were friends for awhile and he fell in love with you.

 

[Angeleyes7715]

Hi all,

I really need advice. There's this guy who's been attending the same church as me for years. We started talking this year February. After our first date, I received a message from him telling me he loves me and I was left shocked because I barely knew him. He's looking at a future with me.

My circle of friends is not very large so men don't usually approach me. He's the first man to really be persistent. He just started his law firm and most importantly, HE LOVES GOD. Which is very important for me. I've asked around and I've been told he's a decent and an honest man.

We talk almost everyday on phone or text but my only problem is I am not attracted to him. I've really tried my best and I don't know what to do. Has anyone here gone through the same thing? What did you do? Should I tell him or should I just go ahead with him? These days, I don't even want to talk to him because I am so confused. I don't want to lead him on when I'm not attracted to him.

If you're not attracted to him don't date him. Just tell him that you enjoy talking to him but there's not really a romantic connection to him for you. Also I disagree with people on here who say he's not putting your feelings first being inconsiderate. They need to not villainize people, I'm sure he didn't tell you he loved you because he was selfish and not considering you. Doesn't make sense. Maybe he's just looking for marriage very quickly and in church people tend to rush marriages (at least where I went) trying to avoid fornication and because they have strange ideas about dating and courting is it's not allowed you should be friends then just get married weird stuff like that. Anyway point is don't be with someone you aren't attracted to kissing sex everything else will be weird. Don't fake it just because he has a career...

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

It's one thing to tell a girl you love her after the first date, and another to do so when she's given absolutely no indication that the feeling is requited. He has acted very unwisely and thrown you into confusion and the relationship into jeopardy.

I think the biggest problem isn't that he told her how he felt but that she isn't being upfront with how she feels and hes sitting over there thinking he has a chance when she knows he doesn't. This isn't good for either of them, and the sooner she tells him the truth the sooner they both can move on. I'm not sure if shes just waiting for attraction to develop but attraction doesn't take very long to develop.