This should not be hard for me, but I am having trouble with it. Hope this is not too much information... This morning, my husband and I got into an argument because I don't submit to him enough physically. I am simply not that interested in sex. I keep the house clean, cook for him, submit to him in our major life decisions such as finance and future plans, and pretty much beg him to take the lead spiritually. We met about 4 years ago on Christiancafe.com and hit it off immediately. I was working at a Presbyterian conference center that his church was very active with as well. Our future seemed certain and the Lord was to be the center of everything. We strayed, but are back in church and praying together. Unfortunately, he is incredibly unromantic. It's like a catch-22. In order to want to be physically intimate with him, I feel he should be more romantic, loving and kind toward me. He said he can't be unless I give him what he needs physically. I just can't enjoy sex and avoid it as much as possible because I don't feel valued, treasured and loved emotionally.
I WANT and truly DESIRE a healthy emotional relationship with him, but I feel like I am talking to a brick wall when it comes to asking him to be more romantic. I'm not asking for a lot...flowers once in a while, a date night once a month or so and occasionally just flat out sweeping me off my feet by telling me I am beautiful. He seems absolutely incapable of it.
My question is this--is it my duty to submit to him physically even when I don't want to in the hopes that he will eventually become a more loving and romantic husband or should I press the issue until he can give me what I need to feel desire to be physically intimate with him? He's not unkind physically, he provides for my son (his stepson) and me well. We are given everything we need financially...but emotionally we are hitting bankruptcy.
Our typical evening is him coming home late from work, stripping down to underwear and an icky old t-shirt, turning on the TV and complaining about work. We have started to take walks with each other and play board games together at night, but we always involve my child, so there is no time for him and I to just talk about our relationship. On top of that, he is usually in bed by 10:00 every night and my son goes to bed at 9:00 (he's almost 10), and doesn't fall asleep until 9:30 or so, so we don't have a lot of time where we can focus on just each other. He refuses to change his bedtime or stay up late at all because he is known for his early to bed habits... When we do have a sitter, he prefers to catch up on TV shows he has recorded and sit on the couch drinking beer and eating chips, scratching himself and acting like a college frat boy. UGH! Not a way to get your wife interested! I am so close to removing the TV from our home, banning beer and snacks in our home and throwing away his old icky t-shirts just so I can have a husband who HAS to focus on me... I can't very well tell him not to talk about work constantly though. He is a military officer and as a result works long stressful hours.
Help me--how can I be the type of wife that can turn her husband into a romeo instead of a beer slugging slob without a romantic bone in his body? And yes, I have told him all of this bothers me--but I can only say it so many times before I start to sound like a complete nag!
I WANT and truly DESIRE a healthy emotional relationship with him, but I feel like I am talking to a brick wall when it comes to asking him to be more romantic. I'm not asking for a lot...flowers once in a while, a date night once a month or so and occasionally just flat out sweeping me off my feet by telling me I am beautiful. He seems absolutely incapable of it.
My question is this--is it my duty to submit to him physically even when I don't want to in the hopes that he will eventually become a more loving and romantic husband or should I press the issue until he can give me what I need to feel desire to be physically intimate with him? He's not unkind physically, he provides for my son (his stepson) and me well. We are given everything we need financially...but emotionally we are hitting bankruptcy.
Our typical evening is him coming home late from work, stripping down to underwear and an icky old t-shirt, turning on the TV and complaining about work. We have started to take walks with each other and play board games together at night, but we always involve my child, so there is no time for him and I to just talk about our relationship. On top of that, he is usually in bed by 10:00 every night and my son goes to bed at 9:00 (he's almost 10), and doesn't fall asleep until 9:30 or so, so we don't have a lot of time where we can focus on just each other. He refuses to change his bedtime or stay up late at all because he is known for his early to bed habits... When we do have a sitter, he prefers to catch up on TV shows he has recorded and sit on the couch drinking beer and eating chips, scratching himself and acting like a college frat boy. UGH! Not a way to get your wife interested! I am so close to removing the TV from our home, banning beer and snacks in our home and throwing away his old icky t-shirts just so I can have a husband who HAS to focus on me... I can't very well tell him not to talk about work constantly though. He is a military officer and as a result works long stressful hours.
Help me--how can I be the type of wife that can turn her husband into a romeo instead of a beer slugging slob without a romantic bone in his body? And yes, I have told him all of this bothers me--but I can only say it so many times before I start to sound like a complete nag!
