Having to Sin

[jwsiii]

I'm confused about some situations where it seems like you have to sin. I'll use sex and lust as an example. I'm in high school now. I can control my sex drive. I have the will power to not do anything sexual with girls ( not sex, but other things ), but if I kind of have to do them if I'm going to eventually get married. I don't think that even a good Christian girl would get married without ever having done something somewhat sexual (again, maybe not sex, but other things). How do I deal with this? Do is restrict sexual activity only to girls I would marry?

 

[Bookman]

No sex until marriage, my friend. If you feel you MUST do sexual stuff, short of intercourse, then you're spending too much of your time feeding yourself on the sensual junk food of the world. I'm talking about the movies, the music, and even the books. If you feed yourself on this stuff, you can't be surprised when you want to act out what you've fed on.

Read the book of Proverbs. One chapter a day. It will give you clarity here.

 

[Reformationist]

I think it was Luther who said something like, "I can't keep the little birdies from circling around my head but I can keep them from nesting in my hair." IOW, I think it's perfectly fine to acknowledge someone's physical beauty (that is the birdies circling your head). You get into sinful territory when you start letting that acknowledgment turn into undressing the person in your mind, imagining sexual scenarios with them, etc.

As to your question, you have to decide if it's more important to conform yourself to a level that you think will be necessary to find a wife or knowing that it is God that brings your wife to you. You have to ask yourself is God going to condone sinfulness just because you'd consider marrying that person? I don't believe He will. I think it's important to understand that, as a Christian, God has explicitly laid out what He expects of you. You should seek first the Kingdom of God and He will be the one to either bring you a wife or not. That doesn't mean don't date or have female friends. It just means that you should not let a relationship with a woman get sexual until it has been joined by God. Some Christians think unmarried people should not even kiss. I think that is a matter that is dependent on a person's ability to exercise restraint. Beyond kissing I think you're moving into dangerous territory and it would be wise and godly to avoid that until you are married. I know, easier said than done.

Lastly, remember, God never lets you be overcome with sin nor does He put you into a situation where you have to sin. If you find yourself in a position in which it is difficult to exercise restraint, get out of their and pray.

God bless

 

[jwsiii]

So if I have the will power to never do so much as even kiss a girl, should I do it and just trust that I will eventually be given a wife?

 

[Reformationist]

So if I have the will power to never do so much as even kiss a girl, should I do it and just trust that I will eventually be given a wife?

Are you asking if you have the willpower to not ever do anything physical with a girl should you, by virtue of that ability, refrain from doing so and then just pray that God will one day drop a woman into your life that walks up to you and says, "let's get married?"

I don't think that's how it works. I think that a godly relationship with a woman is one that is based on a desire to be obedient to God in every aspect of that relationship. There is nothing wrong with being attracted to a woman. We do have to guard ourselves from letting that attraction take on ungodly attributes, i.e., lustful imaginings of sexual encounters, physical interaction that does not mirror our desire to be obedient to the Lord, etc.

My advice would be to refrain from the sexually physical aspect of a relationship, which too often takes on a life of its own and becomes the predominant force in a relationship, until you meet a woman with whom you share a common devotion to the Lord.

Secularists today speak of a marriage's inability to survive unless some common ground is found. There may be some truth to this but the "common ground" that they focus on is insubstantial in a covenental relationship that is established by God. Look for mutual faith in the Lord then pursue the individual intimacy that the Lord designed. Once you acknowledge that this person is a good match for you spiritually then pursue a more personal relationship with her.

My Pastor once said something that I thought profound in its simplicity. It was something that secular marriage counselors today would never advise. He said, "If you really want to be sanctified go find a woman you don't like and then marry her." We all got a big laugh out of this because we understood that even in light of the problems that married couples face there is great potential to be conformed into a godly person if you seek to make God the guiding force in your relationship instead of your own selfish desires. Where else is there such an intimate and focused opportunity to glorify the Lord in the midst of so much suffering? That suffering is the process of putting of our selfish, sinful need to always put ourselves first and learning to respond to difficulty in faith, despite our natural self-centeredness.

I am not encouraging you to find someone you don't like and then pursue a marriage with them. I'm just encouraging you to find someone who shares your faith in the Lord and seek to glorify God in every aspect of your relationship with each other.

God bless

 

[draper]

You guys honestly believe someone isn't allowed to hold hands with a girl before marriage, kiss them, hug them etc?

 

[Reformationist]

You guys honestly believe someone isn't allowed to hold hands with a girl before marriage, kiss them, hug them etc?

Who said anything about what people are "allowed" to do?

 

[platzapS]

I believe sex before marriage is not only morally wrong, but physically dangerous.

HOWEVER...

I think it's perfectly normal for a pubescent guy to be having sexual-type thoughts. As long as you're not obsessing about it constantly. God created us with a sex drive--I don't really understand much the concept of "lust".

 

[karla]

Here are a few guidelines for how you can know how far is too far. Whenever you are considering doing something with a girl, ask yourself if you would do that if Jesus were in the room. In our hearts, we all know what is pleasing to God. Also, consider how you would want a guy to treat your future daughter or future bride, and treat women accordingly. Let this sink in. Often, we get so involved in intense relationships that it's hard to sit back and really look into our hearts.

Some people assume, "So long as I'm being a virgin, I'm being good." They compare themselves with others who are sleeping around on a regular basis, and as long as they see the world from that perspective, they feel like they're right on track. Meanwhile, they give away bits of themselves in passing relationships, all under the pretense that their friends are worse.

Do yourself a favor: Don't get technical about drawing a line at virginity, and saying that all else goes. If you can't decide if a particular action is "too far," imagine what the look on your future bride or groom's face would be if you ever told her or him that you shared that act with another person. Make decisions now that would bless the heart of your future spouse, not wound it. (And do not be quick to discuss the specifics of your prior experience with potential spouses; a lot of that information could do far more harm than good.)

So where does the line go? For starters, know that the line begins in your mind. As soon as you begin to lust after a girl, stop. In regards to physical lines, an easy guideline to remember is, "Don't touch what you don't got." Also, I'd recommend no passionate kissing, kissing below the chin, or lying down together. That may seem extreme to some, but the more you become sensual and physical in a relationship, the more the relationship begins to revolve around that.