A year ago, I was desperate, dizzy and exhausted from ocd. I was some meters away from the house I used to live that time, when ocd was telling me to do a compulsion like
ocd: return home to get clean napkins in order to use them.
I was so tired that I did not want to do this compulsion. I was desperate. at that moment, ocd suggested stuff like
ocd: Maybe you can make a promise to Christian God like that you will not return to your house in order to get clean napkins to use them. Be very specific and carefull when you will be making the promise. this will force you not to do the tiring ocd compulsion.
I was so desperate and in uncontrolled situation that specific words and thoughts were happening in my head and I remember that maybe I was trying to be specific . I do not remember what my words or what I was meaning using that words but I did not want to make a promise and ocd was like
ocd: make a promise to Christian God and you should ask for a punishment in case of breaking it. that will get you out from doing the ocd compulsion. but be specific and careful
I do not remember exactly
ocd was like
ocd: good. now you should ask for punishment and validate the promise by making the cross sign 3 times
I think maybe I started doing 1 or 2 times and stopped because I came to my senses and thought/said something like "No! I am not making a promise and I am not asking for punishment"
I explained to Christian God that all these are because of ocd and I do not want them.
After that day, I was not leaving my house with napkins in my garbage bag because I was so worried. I preferred throwing them to the toiled. I started disposing my garbage normally when I decided that leaving my house to throw away garbage that have napkins has nothing to do with the promise to Christian God that was never made. but I was so worried.
after a year, I was in my new house (not the one I was living that day) in a different area. i will continue what happened in another way due to ocd.
ocd: you left the house in order to throw away 2 garbage bags but due to ocd you were forced to return to your new house in order to fill the garbage bags with used water bottles. while doing this ocd compulsion and while being careless you may have accidentally put napkins from delivery stores to your bag. you left again the house in order to throw away the garbage bags. maybe you broke the promise you made to Christian God. maybe that promise that you did not want was accepted from the Generic God who is different than Christian God.
I never made a promise
ocd: you were thinking carefully your thoughts and words while in desperate mode. you were trying to find a way to force yourself out of an ocd compulsion. you did not want to and you never accepted it. you stopped making the promise to the Christian God at the last minute. what if you maybe wanted the promise to Christian God for some time? what if even when you were talking to Christian God it was the Generic God who was listening? you were trying to be specific but do you remember what your words thoughts were exactly? no you don't! you maybe was thinking some words like "you would not return to that house that you lived that time, at that specific minutes, in order to get other or clean napkins to use them"
there is no relation. there is no promise.
ocd: there is no relation if your thoughts were like that (read the previous paragraph) but what if you maybe your words were not like that? what if you maybe meant for all days that you would never return to your house to get napkins? also, in your mind you had fantasized the way back to that old house you were living, with a specific road. now you live in an other house in a different area far away. but what if it maybe counted for all the houses you will be living in? the motive of yours was not to return to your house to get napkins, you returned to the house to put some water bottles in your garbage and maybe by the way, accidentally you maybe put also some napkins from delivery stores in that garbage bag. the motive was different but your action somehow relates to the maybe valid promise you made to Christian God. you will never be sure because you cant remember your words and thoughts exactly. what if the maybe valid promise to Christian God was accepted by the Generic God who is different than Christian God? what if the maybe valid promise does not cover only that old house or that specific day that it was made but all days and all the house that you will live? what if you were so careless and instead of being specific in your maybe valid promise to the Christian God about that you would not return to that specific house, at that specific time or day with motivation just to take only napkins that would be used? what if you were not that specific in words? what if you were not that specific in your heart and thoughts?
i do not know what to think guys. do you see any relation? please do not tell me stuff about going to therapy. just tell me if there is any relation.
ocd: return home to get clean napkins in order to use them.
I was so tired that I did not want to do this compulsion. I was desperate. at that moment, ocd suggested stuff like
ocd: Maybe you can make a promise to Christian God like that you will not return to your house in order to get clean napkins to use them. Be very specific and carefull when you will be making the promise. this will force you not to do the tiring ocd compulsion.
I was so desperate and in uncontrolled situation that specific words and thoughts were happening in my head and I remember that maybe I was trying to be specific . I do not remember what my words or what I was meaning using that words but I did not want to make a promise and ocd was like
ocd: make a promise to Christian God and you should ask for a punishment in case of breaking it. that will get you out from doing the ocd compulsion. but be specific and careful
I do not remember exactly
ocd was like
ocd: good. now you should ask for punishment and validate the promise by making the cross sign 3 times
I think maybe I started doing 1 or 2 times and stopped because I came to my senses and thought/said something like "No! I am not making a promise and I am not asking for punishment"
I explained to Christian God that all these are because of ocd and I do not want them.
After that day, I was not leaving my house with napkins in my garbage bag because I was so worried. I preferred throwing them to the toiled. I started disposing my garbage normally when I decided that leaving my house to throw away garbage that have napkins has nothing to do with the promise to Christian God that was never made. but I was so worried.
after a year, I was in my new house (not the one I was living that day) in a different area. i will continue what happened in another way due to ocd.
ocd: you left the house in order to throw away 2 garbage bags but due to ocd you were forced to return to your new house in order to fill the garbage bags with used water bottles. while doing this ocd compulsion and while being careless you may have accidentally put napkins from delivery stores to your bag. you left again the house in order to throw away the garbage bags. maybe you broke the promise you made to Christian God. maybe that promise that you did not want was accepted from the Generic God who is different than Christian God.
I never made a promise
ocd: you were thinking carefully your thoughts and words while in desperate mode. you were trying to find a way to force yourself out of an ocd compulsion. you did not want to and you never accepted it. you stopped making the promise to the Christian God at the last minute. what if you maybe wanted the promise to Christian God for some time? what if even when you were talking to Christian God it was the Generic God who was listening? you were trying to be specific but do you remember what your words thoughts were exactly? no you don't! you maybe was thinking some words like "you would not return to that house that you lived that time, at that specific minutes, in order to get other or clean napkins to use them"
there is no relation. there is no promise.
ocd: there is no relation if your thoughts were like that (read the previous paragraph) but what if you maybe your words were not like that? what if you maybe meant for all days that you would never return to your house to get napkins? also, in your mind you had fantasized the way back to that old house you were living, with a specific road. now you live in an other house in a different area far away. but what if it maybe counted for all the houses you will be living in? the motive of yours was not to return to your house to get napkins, you returned to the house to put some water bottles in your garbage and maybe by the way, accidentally you maybe put also some napkins from delivery stores in that garbage bag. the motive was different but your action somehow relates to the maybe valid promise you made to Christian God. you will never be sure because you cant remember your words and thoughts exactly. what if the maybe valid promise to Christian God was accepted by the Generic God who is different than Christian God? what if the maybe valid promise does not cover only that old house or that specific day that it was made but all days and all the house that you will live? what if you were so careless and instead of being specific in your maybe valid promise to the Christian God about that you would not return to that specific house, at that specific time or day with motivation just to take only napkins that would be used? what if you were not that specific in words? what if you were not that specific in your heart and thoughts?
i do not know what to think guys. do you see any relation? please do not tell me stuff about going to therapy. just tell me if there is any relation.
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