Having problems dealing with being single after divorce

[Migdala]

I divorced my third husband last year-he had walked out on me after giving me a choice between him and Jesus,and I picked Jesus. I had gotten saved when I was married, a few years ago. He is now living with his highschool sweetheart in another state and our divorce was final last year.

I go right by the Bible, that teaches that remarriage is a sin. (Matthew 19:9, Luke 16:18, 1 Corinthians 7:10-11, Romans 7:1-3) Yes, divorce is permitted in the case of adultery, which was the case with all 3 of my marriages, but there is nowhere in the Bible that says that remarriage is permitted unless the spouse dies.

After I got divorced, before I read those verses, I was excited about eventually remarrying a good Christian man someday, and signed up for a lot of Christian dating sites.....but every single time I would connect with a cute guy and planned a date, it was totally blocked somehow. Same with when I met guys I was interested in in real life-either they were not interested in me, or something kept happening when we planned dates.

Finally, the Lord spoke to me clearly, telling me to delete all my dating profiles. It was then that He showed me the verses in the Bible about remarriage being the same as adultery.

I was crushed! No more dreams of having a godly Husband! All I have is the stark reality of being alone the rest of my life. And since I have a very low paying job and multiple health problems, this is NOT a good thing. And since obviously, fornication and masturbation are also sins......

How on earth do I deal with my loneliness and raging hormones? I have always had a very strong sex drive, and lately it has been a lot worse for some reason. I am really struggling with keeping my thoughts pure and not giving into satisfying the sexual urge with masturbation.

I have become very bitter towards God over this as well-I have never in my life been totally alone-I have always dated or been married most of my adult life,and I can't deal with the thought of being alone my whole life! I have become very depressed and avoid all my married friends-which are almost the only friends I have!

Yes, 1 Corinthians 7:9 says that it is better to marry than to burn with lust, and many people try to use that verse to justify remarriage. But look at who Paul is talking to when he says that....the unmarried and the widows! NOT to the divorced!

How can I cope with this the rest of my life?

 

[dayhiker]

Migdala,
Can you tell me the context of Rom.7:1-3 and what Paul is saying there?

 

[Migdala]

Migdala,
Can you tell me the context of Rom.7:1-3 and what Paul is saying there?

A woman is bound by the law (of marriage) as long as her husband is alive. If he dies, she is free to remarry again, but if she divorces and remarries, she commits adultery. Jesus confirms this teaching in Matthew 19:9 and Luke 16:19 No way around it at all.

 

[dayhiker]

OK .. ya, that is the specifics of what the verse says. I'm asking you what is the context? But why did Paul say that there? Or to help point you in a direction. Did Paul use divorce there as an illustration or as a teaching with no context? Why did Paul make reference to divorce and remarriage there in his argument that he is making in Romans?

 

[Migdala]

I don't understand what you mean by context.....??? Jesus said remarriage was adultery, plain and simple-no twisting it around, and no two ways about it. lol It's very clear to me. I just need to know how to deal with the loneliness and depression that these verses bring in my life.

 

[dayhiker]

OK .. the context Paul is writing about is the Christians relation to the mosaic law. In that Context he used marriage and divorce to illustrate why Jesus died on the cross. Paul is teaching about the law and the Christian not about a man and a woman. So with that as the context you have to figure out who is the man and who is the woman in that context.

I believe to take those verses, take them out of context and apply them to some individual is to miss use scripture. Its making the verse say something that Paul wasn't saying.

 

[Migdala]

Hmmm...interesting theory, but I'm still more of a literal person when it comes to the things written in the Bible, unless it is obviously a parable. But even if Paul was not talking about a literal man and woman in that verse, Jesus certainly was in Matthew 19:9 and Luke 16:18

 

[dayhiker]

Well, let's deal with this verse first before we go to another verse. I am talking about a literal interpretation. A literal interpretation says we have know the parts of speech, the context, is it a declarative statement, an illustration, a pun, a joke etc.

So the context ... Rom.6 Paul uses baptism to illustrate that we die in Christ are buried and then are raise to new life to live in Christ.
Secondly, Paul uses the daily life example of a slave. Before Christ we were slaves to sin to do evil things. Now we are slaves to Christ to so righteous things.

Now in Chapter 7 Paul is saying what about the Jews that are under the law of Moses. They are serving the law of Moses, how are they going to serve Christ? the law of Moses told them every thing they we to do. But now the church is saying we are to be lead by the Holy Spirit. So we have to see why Paul is talking about a woman, marriage and adultery here.

 

[Migdala]

Ok, I see where you're coming from now....but didn't Jesus talk about divorce in Matthew 19:9, saying that because of the hardness of people's heart's, Moses allowed divorce, but from the beginning it was not so?

 

[dayhiker]

Yes, he said that.

I'm taking you want to drop Rom.7 for now.

Do we still have people with hard hearts today? What does that imply?

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

You mentioned that you have already been divorced 3 times? You also mentioned that the last time was your husband asked you to choose him or Jesus and you chose Jesus. Does this mean he is a non-believer? I am a firm believer in the Bible and every word of it. But sometimes we take things out of context too. Serious prayer is always needed and if you feel God is telling you to remain single, who am I to convince you to go against God. I would not! Anyway, here is a link that has several articles on this subject that may, or may not help you out.

Is remarriage after divorce always adultery?

 

[Migdala]

Yes, he said that.

I'm taking you want to drop Rom.7 for now.

Do we still have people with hard hearts today? What does that imply?

lol....It means they have hard hearts. I'm not dropping any of the verses-they say what they say, and I take them literally unless Jesus says they are a parable. If the Bible says that remarriage is adultery, it just seems to me that's what it means exactly. We can go round and round like this with any important topic in the Bible....for instance, what does "fornication is a sin" or "homosexuality is a sin" mean to you? Do you take that literally, or is there a way to cut corners on it? I'm not trying to be mean here, but it's pretty literal to me-the Bible is used two ways-figuratively (through parables) and literally. It usually tells us when it's a parable.

 

[Migdala]

You mentioned that you have already been divorced 3 times? You also mentioned that the last time was your husband asked you to choose him or Jesus and you chose Jesus. Does this mean he is a non-believer? I am a firm believer in the Bible and every word of it. But sometimes we take things out of context too. Serious prayer is always needed and if you feel God is telling you to remain single, who am I to convince you to go against God. I would not! Anyway, here is a link that has several articles on this subject that may, or may not help you out.

Is remarriage after divorce always adultery?

Thank you for the link! I read one of the articles, and they have several more that I will read as well-they seemed very good. One thing that interests me is something that Jesus said in Matthew 19:11....He said that the teaching about divorce and remarriage is not for everyone, but only for those to whom it is given. In other words, it seems like He is saying that only those who are meant to be unmarried will take it literally. I have one friend who is on her 7th husband, and she has read that verse many times and it never "clicked" with her at all she said. All but one of my friends believe that remarriage is Ok-so maybe it is Ok for those people to get remarried, but not me.

I think that if God does want me to remarry, He will open my mind to accept what He truly meant in that verse. All I know is that right now, my mind is stuck on it meaning that I absolutely can't remarry.

What is weird to me is that a few months before I got saved, a man walked up to me at a park and told me that he was a Christian, with the gift of prophecy. He said that God told him to go to the park and He had a word for someone there, and that person was me. I was not saved, and I thought it was some really weird pickup line at the time. But he told me that my husband was going to leave me, and I would date several men before I found the man that I was "supposed" to be with the rest of my life. He was hinting that it was him, so again, I thought it was bizarre pickup line.

I ran into the same guy a year later, and I didn't recognize him. He walked up and said "Is he gone yet?" and I said "Huh? Who?" and he said "Your husband-is he gone yet?" I told him "No-we are happily married." His mouth dropped-he was very surprised that I was still married! Then he said "It will be soon-very soon!"

It was about a year and a half later that my husband walked out on me. My husband believed, but he hates Jesus because He changed me into a "new creation" and I was not the person that my husband married anymore. So he hated Jesus because of it-he wanted his old party buddy back.

I don't know what that means, what that guy said. I mean-to me, it seems so clear that remarriage is a sin, but that guy was right on the button when he said that my husband was going to leave me soon-we had been married for 11 years and I never ever thought we would divorce.

Another strong Christian friend of mine told me that God said He was going to bless me with a man "after His own heart". So I've had two "prophecies" that say I will remarry. But if remarriage is adultery in God's eyes, then those messages cannot be from God, right?

I'm confused. Either way, every time I have attempted to date someone, God seems to block me, or tell me very clearly not to.

 

[dayhiker]

I too take the Bible literally. However, I'm aware that the Bible was written 2000 years ago and the church has put 2000 years of tradition as to what the Bible says on top of it. My study fines that mostly the church says what the bible says ... but my study also fined the church adds its own traditions. Each denomination has its own it adds. Many of those traditions I like and can be apart of. But some really bug me and I don't enjoy being apart of. I know others have the same issues with how I express my love for Jesus.

I agree with you when you said,
"I think that if God does want me to remarry, He will open my mind to accept what He truly meant in that verse. All I know is that right now, my mind is stuck on it meaning that I absolutely can't remarry."

Paul said the same, what ever is not of faith is sin.

 

[Migdala]

True....but I believe 2 Timothy 3:16, which says that all scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for reproof, correction, instruction, and righteousness.

The way I think of it is that God gave His inspiration to the people He wanted to write the Bible during that time, for a reason. I think that if He wanted to use the guidelines we set by our own society and culture, He would have had it written today, rather than the time that it was written. He would have used different words if He had allowed different things.

That's just my opinion, whether it's right or not, I don't know. lol I know that I have prayed hard about several things over the years...crying because I didn't understand. And it was so amazing-I would feel the Lord's Presence, and He literally "opened" my understanding-kind of like when you get saved, it's like a lightbulb of understanding going off in your head-it was like that with the things He has shown me over the years.

The last time it happened was just a few weeks ago. I've been really struggling trying to keep my home after my divorce. I was going to just let it go into foreclosure and try to find a cheap apartment, which broke my heart,because I love my home. But whenever I would look, I could not find anything that was not in a really bad part of town, really crime-ridden, etc. I started looking for roommates, but could not find any. I cried and cried to God, asking Him what He wanted me to do about my home.

One day I was just laying in bed, and I felt His Presence, and He literally "opened my understanding" I guess you could say-He did not speak to me, but He very clearly let me know that He wanted me to stay at my house, at least for now. One week later, He sent me two new roommates!

Then the thing with the dating sites....I had signed up for a bunch of them, and was actively looking for a date, but every single one of them somehow screwed up-it was like they were being blocked. Then I got that same "very strong impression" telling me to take down my profiles, and felt God's Presence on me at work.

I know that IF He decides to let me remarry, He will open my understanding in the same way He has helped me over the years, like the ways He has mentioned. He has done it for me several times! But as for now, He has my mind firmly closed on remarriage.....

I just wish He would take away my libido completely! lol

 

[jamandcrumpets]

I hear you sister! I feel like you have spoken very close to my heart - different stories and so many similarities ... I feel like god has been telling me to close down my Internet dating sites too - but it feels like i will be taking away my hope!! And any avenue I have AT ALL to meet someone... And then there is the adultery thing that weighs on my heart too...

 

[Migdala]

I'm sorry you are going through similar things....if you ever want to talk, message me and we can email, or talk on the phone if you are in the States. God bless!

 

[dayhiker]

ya, one has to love when God speaks and opens a door that doesn't seem that there will be any way that a solution will some.

For 4 yrs I rented a room. Had no plans of owning a home again. Then in the middle of the crash, I put all my money into stocks. 2 yrs later I had enough money buy a home again and fix it up. So last Dec. I bought a 2 family home. The rent of the other apartment pays the mortgage. I just have to pay taxes and insurance. As happy as I was in that room for 4 yrs, I'm even more happy at in this home. God's also given me good tenants. Praise Jesus.

I took down the ads on dating sites after I found a GF .... God works different solutions with each person it seems.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Several thoughts here. First, maybe God doesn't want you to "try" to find someone and hence the reason He impressed you to take down your profiles. My pastor tells the singles "to live, not look" and I think that is great advice. Especially considering any time I have really wanted a relationship I could not find one for anything, but as soon as I said "forget it I don't even WANT a relationship" and really meant it, BAM I meet my husband. So maybe it's the avenue God doesn't want you using, not that you shouldn't be re-married.
Also Satan is the one that thwarts and puts road blocks etc trying to mess up God's plan or make people of God give up on God or God's plan and as much as we like to think that could never happen to us, consider he (satan) is the father of lies and very crafty. And the bible tells us what is going to happen when Christ returns because otherwise even the elect would be deceived Matthew 24:24. Just saying, not everything that happens even if its a good thing is from God and vice versa.
And we cannot depend on our heart either because our hearts are desparately wicked Jer 17:9. BUT we can depend on the Peace that passes all understanding that we have when we know we are in God's will. That is something that the Holy Spirit gives us when we give our burdens to God in prayer. If you are truly meant to be single the rest of your days here on earth, you will have peace about that and be completely devoted to it. God knows your heart better than you know yourself. He can make someone appear in front of you any time, any place and drop them from the sky if necessary. We don't have to "search" for a mate. You won't find anywhere in scripture where it tells you to go search for a mate. So just like you had peace about staying in your house and God provided the roommates? You will have the same type of peace about remaining single if it is to be so. What Satan wants is for you to remain confused and not to trust God or what you know God to be speaking to your heart. IDK if you are supposed to be single or re-marry, but God does and He will lead you to the answer that will bring you perfect peace. Of THAT I am sure. God Bless!

 

[jamandcrumpets]

I'm sorry you are going through similar things....if you ever want to talk, message me and we can email, or talk on the phone if you are in the States. God bless!

thanks Migdala I'm in aussie land, so emails would be the choice! I've been reading an interesting thread on here somewhere about re-marriage and there are people strongly on both sides of the fence! I tried to post on it, but after 3 tries and the post "strangely dissapearing" each time I guess God did not want me to post! lol! ok then God!

I am strongly of the belief if in doubt, don't. I pray for peace and clarification from God, and if he says yes, then who cares what the world thinks? I make sure I really believe strongly he is talking to me, then I simply be obedient... well I try to be anyways

I have removed all of my sites on the internet, bar one (subscription runs out in 3 weeks and then it goes too)...

Well, here goes nothing lol