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Have you ever....???...
- Thread starter tonya
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LiberatedChick
Contributor
I lived with my husband before we were married. We were engaged though our engagment lasted several years. I was also non-Christian at the time. And well...as you've probably gathered we got married. With non-Christian couples it's quite common for them to move in together before marriage...even before engagement in lots of cases. Over here it's seen as the next step in a relationship...they go from boyfriend/girlfriend to living together to engaged to married (if they get that far).
Whilst it worked for us and has done for others it's not something I'd recommend a Christian couple to do simply because the temptation for sex before marriage is high.
Whilst it worked for us and has done for others it's not something I'd recommend a Christian couple to do simply because the temptation for sex before marriage is high.
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Thanks Starelda...I did live with my s/o...and we have a child together. We were both christians and raised in church but were obviously not living for God...I got back in church and am trying to live right...I moved out with the child a coup[le of months ago b/c I felt convicted about us living together. I want our child to have both of us as a married couple raising her together but I want it to be with God in the center and I knwew I had top obey God and stop livinng in sin as my grandmom would say!
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pete56
A Beloved Son of God!
Tonya
I totally sympathise with your actions, but I am concerned for your child.
Surely your action of moving out of the "family" home has deprived her of a father, and as many Christian publications are telling us at the moment many of the problems in the West are caused by absentee fathers. Haven't you just propogated that problem in your daughter's life?
I am sorry to be so blunt, but can't you find another way to honour God's will for your life and keep your family intact. Maybe you could remain in the home but not in the bedroom.
In any case did you actually discuss this with your s/o? If so what was his reaction?
I know this is clearly a serious matter for you, but do not forget the effect of your "sin" upon your child, she needs her father too.
I don't envy you your journey. I will be praying for you all.
Pete C
I totally sympathise with your actions, but I am concerned for your child.
Surely your action of moving out of the "family" home has deprived her of a father, and as many Christian publications are telling us at the moment many of the problems in the West are caused by absentee fathers. Haven't you just propogated that problem in your daughter's life?
I am sorry to be so blunt, but can't you find another way to honour God's will for your life and keep your family intact. Maybe you could remain in the home but not in the bedroom.
In any case did you actually discuss this with your s/o? If so what was his reaction?
I know this is clearly a serious matter for you, but do not forget the effect of your "sin" upon your child, she needs her father too.
I don't envy you your journey. I will be praying for you all.
Pete C
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KleinerApfel
When I awake I am still with You
My husband and I lived together for several months before our wedding. I was not a Christian at the time, and he still isn't today.
I do think marriage is important, but there are situations where I think a couple must be treated as if they are married even if they haven't been through the ceremony or got a certificate etc.
It's good to do it because it's a public commitment, making you accountable to each other, your family and community, the law. It gives honour and protection. If it's a Christian ceremony, it honours God and brings His blessing too.
However, if a couple are obviously truly commited to each other and forsaking all others, and having a child when you're living together as if married is the absolute proof of this in my opinion, then I think society should treat them as married.
Yes, God would be pleased if you were "properly" married. But I am 100% certain He would also be pleased if you stayed together any way you can, because you have already become "one flesh" with your man, so He doesn't want you torn apart. God certainly would want your child to have a father at home too.
Please reconsider your options for the sake of your child.
I understand you want marriage and your unbelieving man doesn't, but God understands that your s/o has opinions which prevent you carrying out the ideal.
Many blessings, Susana
I do think marriage is important, but there are situations where I think a couple must be treated as if they are married even if they haven't been through the ceremony or got a certificate etc.
It's good to do it because it's a public commitment, making you accountable to each other, your family and community, the law. It gives honour and protection. If it's a Christian ceremony, it honours God and brings His blessing too.
However, if a couple are obviously truly commited to each other and forsaking all others, and having a child when you're living together as if married is the absolute proof of this in my opinion, then I think society should treat them as married.
Yes, God would be pleased if you were "properly" married. But I am 100% certain He would also be pleased if you stayed together any way you can, because you have already become "one flesh" with your man, so He doesn't want you torn apart. God certainly would want your child to have a father at home too.
Please reconsider your options for the sake of your child.
I understand you want marriage and your unbelieving man doesn't, but God understands that your s/o has opinions which prevent you carrying out the ideal.
Many blessings, Susana
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KleinerApfel
When I awake I am still with You
pete56 said:
I really don't think that's a good idea. Imagine the anguish and tension on a day-to-day level. The child would suffer this way too - they do pick up on strange things, especially when the emotional health of their parents is concerned.
This couple already have a one-flesh union, why would God not want them to stay together? What possible reason is there for them to stop their normal loving relationship? Only harm can come of this situation.
Blessings, Susana
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pete56
A Beloved Son of God!
Susanna
I think you expressed this a lot better than I did, and I do agree with everything you have said.
My comment about the bedroom etc, was made in an effort to offer a compromise position for Tonya who seems to have taken a very precipitous action in moving out of the home.
But as I said already I think you expressed my concerns for the child and the relationship a lot better than I did.
Bless you
Pete
I think you expressed this a lot better than I did, and I do agree with everything you have said.
My comment about the bedroom etc, was made in an effort to offer a compromise position for Tonya who seems to have taken a very precipitous action in moving out of the home.
But as I said already I think you expressed my concerns for the child and the relationship a lot better than I did.
Bless you
Pete
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LiberatedChick
Contributor
I agree with Susana. You need to do what's best for your child and that is for him or her to have a father in their lives. As Susana has said you're already joined to each other in one-flesh. A good analogy of this is that if you stick two pieces of card together with glue and then rip them apart both pieces of card have part of the other one still attached. So you can't just tear apart two pieces of card (or people) that have become one without leaving a mark on both.
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Thanks Starelda...I understand what each of you is saying. She does get to see her dad every other weekend so it is not like she is not getting to see him at all and he does give financial support to us. I feel torn...i really do and I am praying earnestly to God each day. Part of the reason I moved out was b/c he was out drinking and partying and had cheated on me with someone else...I felt I needed to leave for awhile..does this put tings into perspective anymore for any of you? I truly feel like she needs both of us in the same home raising her and being parents TOGETHER to her..I desire that. I desire for him to be the christian person I am trying to become..I want us to be together and I do not have a hard heart towards him...but it was getting difficult to live in the situation as it was...any more advice?? I am listening..for I too deel that in God's eyes...he and I are one flesh...we have created a child together and I am very much convicted to making our family work...Love in Christ to you all....Tonya
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KleinerApfel
When I awake I am still with You
That's really hard for you Tonya 
It sounds as though all the effort is on your side at the moment. I pray he'll wake up to his responsibility to you.
I can understand you not wanting to bring up your daughter in that environment, with her father disregarding your needs and doing as he pleases most of the time, especially if drink is an issue.
You haven't said how he feels about all this. Is he waking up to the issues, wanting to change, now he's been away from you for a while?
God bless, Susana
It sounds as though all the effort is on your side at the moment. I pray he'll wake up to his responsibility to you.
I can understand you not wanting to bring up your daughter in that environment, with her father disregarding your needs and doing as he pleases most of the time, especially if drink is an issue.
You haven't said how he feels about all this. Is he waking up to the issues, wanting to change, now he's been away from you for a while?
God bless, Susana
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Hi SusannaThe Lord is my banner said:That's really hard for you Tonya
It sounds as though all the effort is on your side at the moment. I pray he'll wake up to his responsibility to you.
I can understand you not wanting to bring up your daughter in that environment, with her father disregarding your needs and doing as he pleases most of the time, especially if drink is an issue.
You haven't said how he feels about all this. Is he waking up to the issues, wanting to change, now he's been away from you for a while?
God bless, Susana
Yes as a matter of fact, I am seeing some changes! And I have had some prayers definitely answered! Praise God. His relationship with our daughter is better! Before when we all lived under the same roof I feel he took the both of us for granted..he was a good dad to her but he did not spend a lot of quality time with her...NOW he spends oodles of quality time with her and misses her terribly...he ralks about how attached it gets to her every time he is with her and then it is hard when she is not with him! He is getting to the point where he does not drink as much..virtually none at all...maybe some on the weekends that he does not have her...he says he realizes that daddies do not need to be drunk or at bars 
He has begun taking up hunting, fishing, and golfing, and hanging out with an old friend that is a good influence on him. He also watched the Passion of the Christ...I think that moved him quite a bit...I know he loves me and with God's help we will make it through and be alright...There are just some growing up issues we both have to deal with...
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KleinerApfel
When I awake I am still with You
Tonya,
that's good to hear. It sounds as if you are on the right track, and he is progressing in the right direction.
You don't need my advice, you're doing fine. Keep up the prayer though!
God bless, Susana
that's good to hear. It sounds as if you are on the right track, and he is progressing in the right direction.
You don't need my advice, you're doing fine. Keep up the prayer though!
God bless, Susana
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hugnluvable
AMAZED!
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My current boyfriend and I lived with each other during our final year at university - we werent together then - I had a different boyfriend. But two months after we broke up we started going out...tonya said:
This was two years ago and we're still going strong. We arent living with each other now but are planning to next year when we're both working. I'm a christian yet the boyfy isnt and we do intend to eventually marry some day in the future.
Love and hugs and prayers
Erica
xxx
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I lived with my husband for 2 years before we got married. It was wierd, I didn't think marriage would change things that much, but it has. Things have gotten even better since the wedding.
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