Have you ever been set up with someone by a family member.

[sampa]

.

 

[Lost4words]

Once. My grandad tried to set me up with the girl 2 doors down from me.

We went out on a couple of dates. Hung out together for a bit but, in the end i just couldnt put up with her drooling! It was just constant!

Her owner did take her to the vet but she still drooled! Yuk...

 

[Sketcher]

I have not been set up by a family member, no. By brother did suggest a girl to me once - and she turned out to be very mentally unhealthy. Combining this with the general pattern of women he dated - women that needed to be rescued from something or another - and I asked him to not try and set me up with anyone ever again.

I had a recent talk with him about singleness and his suggestion hadn't changed from when he was engaged - which presumed that I would be in bars and getting with women who were drinking to get drunk. I didn't live that way then, I don't live that way now. And I was pretty sure he knew that.

 

[Vinter]

Nope.

 

[RileyG]

A friend of mine that is 29 years old recently text me about his sister setting him up with someone. The girl is very excited about him and thinks he's someone to marry without having met him. This made my friend very nervous and pressured. He's never been in this situation before. Usually is on the end of unrecipitated love, so this is very unusual. They have church in Easter dinner together. His sister keeps poking him and prodding him about what he thinks. I'm sure the family has the best of intentions. But in my opinion it's hard for something natural to unfold. How about you have you had experience with something similar?

nope, never.

26 and always been single

 

[RileyG]

Well, my parents encouraged me to regularly get with a Christian girl my age - remarkably, we shared the same birthday, including the same year. Nothing happened there, since when my parents divorced, we were all excommunicated.

slightly OT: Were you JW?

 

[Miss Spaulding]

Absolutely not. My siblings know better than that. My mother was never one to suggest men to me who could be potential match material. In fact, she never brought up my singleness ever, which I always appreciated. I'm grateful I didn't have a meddling mother when it came to my love life - or lack thereof.

My family is pretty good about respecting my private lifestyle and letting me do me at my own pace.

 

[sampa]

and she turned out to be very mentally unhealthy. Combining this with the general pattern of women he dated - women that

@Sketcher sounds like you dodged a bullet.

I had a recent talk with him about singleness and his suggestion hadn't changed from when he was engaged - which presumed that I would be in bars and getting with women who were

Sounds like your wisdom was in the right place back then as the source of suggestions has revealed his perspective.

happened there, since when my parents divorced, we were all excommunicated

That's awful about the ex communication. Has that changed any of your perspective when someone suggests someone that you should go out with? Purely awful. I don't know what it's like to be excommunicated.

Absolutely not. My siblings no better than that. My mother was never one to suggest men to me who could be potential match material. In fact, she never brought up my singleness ever,

It's good that you have a family that is in the meddling type.

My family is pretty good about respecting my private lifestyle and letting me do me at my own pace.

Sounds like your family has good respect for you.

 

[RileyG]

No, Baptist.

Oh. They excommunicated your parents over your divorce? Interesting... I know there are a wide variety of Baptists though...

 

[RileyG]

I never understood why family members would want to set people up. It makes no sense and is rather disrespectful, imo. It's none of their business.

 

[High Fidelity]

Once. Never again.

 

[Niels]

Nothing beyond casually introducing me to somebody, several years ago. There wasn't any chemistry.

My brother thinks I should look for a high-powered executive type who doesn't have time for a family. Although I understand that many never-married single women my age fall into this category, that's never been my type.

I'm an internally-focused and personal meaning-driven kind of guy. It's important that I either find somebody who can relate or appreciate that. If not, it's better that I remain single. This isn't quite the same as introverted vs. extroverted. More like having a good connection when it's just the two of us or with our families, rather than finding her sense of meaning by being bossy at a board meeting or whatever. I want to feel like we can be ourselves around each other.

In a way, I'm too complicated for a successful setup. My hypothetical future wife probably is too. Maybe most of us are, which is why they rarely work out. The irony is that what I'm looking for in a relationship is pretty simple. When we're together, is she pleasant to be around? Is there a harmonious chemistry between us? If we were to stop at DQ for ice cream, would it be fun to be with her? Can we have casual conversations, and not feel put upon to entertain? Things like that can be surprisingly difficult to gauge for others. Even if they're our friends.

You're single. They're single. You must have so much in common! Not quite.

While I don't have anything against setups in theory, in the off chance that one might work out, most are like the old "now kiss" meme.

 

[sampa]

The irony is that what I'm looking for in a relationship is pretty simple. When we're together, is she pleasant to be around? Is there a harmonious chemistry between us? If we were to stop at DQ for ice cream, would it be fun to be with her? Can we have casual conversations, and not feel put upon to entertain? Things like that can be surprisingly difficult to gauge for others. Even if they're our friends.

My humor emoji is for your last sketch drawing. I can totally relate.

That's interesting that your brother wanted to set you up with someone executive. From your writings on the forum I don't see you as the power couple type. At the same time love is such a strange thing that many times you will see someone with their total opposite. I hope when the time comes that you are able to find someone that there is that kind of flow and harmony, if that is your desire and the Lord's will.

 

[Niels]

That's interesting that your brother wanted to set you up with someone executive. From your writings on the forum I don't see you as the power couple type. At the same time love is such a strange thing that many times you will see someone with their total opposite. I hope when the time comes that you are able to find someone that there is that kind of flow and harmony, if that is your desire and the Lord's will.

Thanks, Sampa. Your comments are always appreciated.

My brother means well. Although his wife isn't an executive, she easily could be. She was accomplished in school, and is very driven when it comes to their family. Constantly on the go. The kids were required to attend early morning swimming lessons, for instance, and all competed at a very high level. They live very regimented and structured lives. This isn't a slight. She's a good person, and it seems to work for them. An uncle's family also has a similar dynamic, and to a lesser extent my own family does, but that approach isn't optimal for me.

They seem to be more extrinsically motivated, whereas I've found that I'm much more intrinsically motivated. One isn't objectively better than the other, and we all experience a mixture of both, but I know where I fall on that spectrum.

I agree that opposites aren't always incompatible. Which is why I mentioned that it isn't necessarily about introversion vs. extroversion. People can share similar life values, of course, despite having different temperaments.

Only time will tell if I find a wife. If not, at least I find love from my creator and by extension from within myself. This isn't an insignificant thing. It sustains me. Arguably how I've managed to accomplish what I have as an adult, without the moral support of a spouse. It would be nice to share my life with somebody special, but not if that means giving up what's important to me.

But I digress. Let's hear about more awkward, or possibly successful, setups!

 

[sampa]

Constantly on the go. The kids were required to attend early morning swimming lessons, for instance, and all competed at a very high level. They live very regimented and structured lives. This is

again my humor emoji is for your last comment. But now I think I understand more what you mean. I kind of battle with this as I consider different men through online dating. And as much as I sometimes desire that kind of guy, I don't think I could keep Pace since I am full of so many goofy flaws. I'm kind of a natural beauty klutz. I guess you could say sort of Drew Barrymore Cameron Diaz yet want to be Jackie Onassis. And when I think about that moment of kind of wanting to live that exterior status light, I start feeling suffocated. I think I could only keep pace for so long and would collapse. I need my naps and I need my time to rejuvenate with quiet space. And that may not necessarily be what you mean, but keeping up with a certain type of lifestyle that doesn't give much room for reflection, probably would not be suited for you. It probably would make you physically sick. I'm only guessing though since I don't really know know know you. Yes I said that three times to emphasize.

They seem to be more extrinsically motivated, whereas I've found that I'm much more intrinsically

again I wish you the best and I hope that you are able to find someone that matches that. Yes let's listen to other people's horror stories or interesting setups by family members.

 

[angelsaroundme]

No that has never happened. I feel like I'm meant to be single anyways. The only way I see myself as possibly missing out is if we got set up because we had similar personalities and interests. Because that could have still wound up a quality friendship.

It would have been nice to know a really spiritual person my age. My friends, both male and female, were more moderate.

 

[sampa]

No that has never happened. I feel like I'm meant to be single anyways

up because we had similar personalities and interests. Because that could have still wound up a quality friendship.

I pray the Lord's will in your life and discernment concerning future relationship. It sounds like the option of a relationship is still open but you are leaning more towards being single?

 

[angelsaroundme]

I pray the Lord's will in your life and discernment concerning future relationship. It sounds like the option of a relationship is still open but you are leaning more towards being single?

Thank you for that. ^-^

For me, the relationship door is closed, with only a tiny gap remaining if God should throw me a curve ball. I think part of what God wants me to do on earth is to make other single people feel less alone.

 

[Hawthorne]

I have not, though I did receive the hint that I'd better sire an heir lest my family name die out (let it). I'm not opposed to the idea of arranged marriages or relationships but it requires finesse, delicacy, and keen insight into human nature that is rarely displayed.

Thank you for that. ^-^

For me, the relationship door is closed, with only a tiny gap remaining if God should throw me a curve ball. I think part of what God wants me to do on earth is to make other single people feel less alone.

I think a lot of people might be a lot happier if they understood that marriage is not a happiness that all people can experience (just as women will never seize the happiness of fatherhood, or men of motherhood) and could internalize that celibacy is a viable calling rather than a "plan b," if you will. But this is off topic.

 

[sampa]

I think a lot of people might be a lot happier if they understood that marriage is not a happiness that all people can experience (just as women will never seize the happiness of fatherhood, or men of motherhood) and could internalize that celibacy is a viable calling rather than a "plan b," if you will. But this is off topic.

Some very interesting thoughts. I never would have thought of it at that angle. Sorry for the pressure from your family. I might feel the same if it was presented just for the sake of the family name to live on. Marriage and relationships are not as simple as some people might think like a purchase or an investment. Some people can, but others maybe are more complex and better suited for different lives than fits with the social norm.