Have the rules of courtship changed over the years?

[Paidiske]

I wasn't referring to infatuation at all. I think it's sad to imply that a woman who's been married for thirty years can't still wish to be captivating to her husband, or that he wouldn't be captivated by her.

Perhaps some women *would* feel unfulfilled if they didn't feel captivating to their husband. Perhaps they simply think differently than you do.

"Meaningful single life" is a completely different existence than being married. Of course the dynamics and purpose and goals are going to be different than if you were married. Who would you even be wanting to captivate as a single woman without a significant other? That doesn't detract from the truth that a married woman has a different mindset than a single woman, and that she wishes her husband to find her enchanting, mesmerizing, appealing, attention-grabbing.

There's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing "ugly" about it. You may simply operate in a different way within your own life and relationship, and that's fine.

But what I was objecting to originally was the claim that "women need to feel captivating." The PP didn't make any distinction there between married or single women, but simply posited that this was a basic psychological need of women.

Not only do I disagree that "women need to feel captivating," but I'm suggesting that that's a pretty damaging belief to hold.

But as a married woman, I'll put it out there: I don't need to feel captivating, I don't want a husband who's all starry-eyed and captivated, and I resent the kind of stereotypes that suggest that all women do, because they relegate us to somewhere near the level of maturity of a Disney princess (and not the better ones).

 

[tall73]

At the very least we can say that not all women feel the same way on the subject, which is why reasoning from that starting point is an issue.

 

[tall73]

I will throw out this proverb for discussion regarding within marriage:

Proverbs 5
15 Drink water from your own cistern,
And running water from your own well.
16 Should your fountains be dispersed abroad,
Streams of water in the streets?
17 Let them be only your own,
And not for strangers with you.
18 Let your fountain be blessed,
And rejoice with the wife of your youth.
19 As a loving deer and a graceful doe,
Let her breasts satisfy you at all times;
And always be enraptured with her love

 

[NerdGirl]

That's beautiful, Tall73, thank you!