have I done the right thing?

[tam1]

I was going out with my partner for about 6 years, in which during that time I became a Christian and because we stopped having sex before marriage, I found that he was pushing marriage forward a little. I am not ready for marriage and therefore I have ended our relationship. I feel absoulutley torn in two and I am really worried and questioning whether I have done the right thing. I do really love him and I feel so guilty for what I have done Should I have just stayed with him and kept on praying for him? I feel so confused Any advice would be much appreciated. Thank you

 

[KleinerApfel]

tam1,

You must have been pretty sure of God's will in order to have found the courage and strength to do it. I suggest that you know deep down that it was God's guidance and power leading the decision. I think you are very brave anyway.

If you believe the Bible, then yoking yourself to become one flesh with a man who doesn't share your love of the Lord is always a bad thing, and leads to a lot of heartache. (Just read some of the posts on here.)

Is he completely against exploring Christianity? Maybe an Alpha course?

I was already married when I became a Christian, so I just don't know how I would have handled such a situation myself. I'm sorry to be so little help.

Blessings, Susana

 

[moz]

What a hard thing for you, but I agree with Susana that you had to be sure of God's will deep inside to break off the relationship.
Do you think that if you stayed with him and prayed for him you would have eventually given in to him and either had a physical relationship again, or married him? Give this some time, keep praying for him - and pray that God will help you find that right person He has for you, in the right time. If he isn't the one, ask God to help you break those emotional bonds.

 

[ElizabethanLady]

YOU DID THE RIGHT THING!

I am facing a similar situation myself.
I have been through some things as we all have, and now I have developed a new determination and zeal to live for God.
I want to do what will please Him.

I am telling my BF/fiance that we cannot continue on as we have been.....that I am trying to be a good girl and you aren't supposed to have sex unless you are married.
He then immediately pushes for marriage.

We have been talking marriage for some time, and I always thought we would get married when the time was right.

However, I am discovering a closer walk with the Lord. I attend an Apostolic, joyful, spirit-fueled church.
I know my BF considers himself to be a Christian and he will say grace at the table, but he never mentions the Lord or anything else.
Also, he doesn't seem to want to be "the head of the home" as described in the Bible. He wants an "equal partner" type thing and I DON'T!

IF and WHEN I get married again, I want to marry a Spirit-filled, tongue-talking, pew-jumping, on-fire-for-the-Lord man who can BE the head of the house, and whom I can LEAN ON and NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND!!!
I feel like he leans on me and this offends me. I do not want to be his partner, if anything I want to be his wife (or I would if he had a real walk with the Lord.)

I do not want to hurt him, but I am not going to be pressured or forced into marriage. A real man (to me) is as I described.
Plus I have found out that, although we thought we were so alike, we are really more different than I thought.

There are things about him that bother me.
Things that I DON'T want to live with.

I don't want to hurt him but it would hurt him more to marry him and it crash and burn.

 

[charligirl]

Also, he doesn't seem to want to be "the head of the home" as described in the Bible. He wants an "equal partner" type thing and I DON'T!

IF and WHEN I get married again, I want to marry a Spirit-filled, tongue-talking, pew-jumping, on-fire-for-the-Lord man who can BE the head of the house, and whom I can LEAN ON and NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND!!!
I feel like he leans on me and this offends me. I do not want to be his partner, if anything I want to be his wife (or I would if he had a real walk with the Lord.)

.

I am a little confused by what you are after, the bible completely supports the view that men and women/husband and wife are absolutely equal.. sure thay have different roles and responsibilities, but they are still equal.

The hebrew word that scripture uses for Eve is translated as 'help-meet' and is the same word used of the Holy Spirit. Wives are to be their husband's help-meet, supporting and upholding, helping and comforting... sounds a bit like someone to lean on doesn't it?

The reality is that a wife and a husband BOTH support each other, but often in different ways. The husband is the head loving the wife as Christ loves the church, he is the covering, the protector, the woman is the wind beneath his wings, his crown of glory, his sustenance. Marriage should be 100% from each partner, not 50:50

 

[ElizabethanLady]

You did not understand what I meant.
Of course, I realize that the wife is a helper, and both people have to give 100% to the marriage.

I am not "after" anything..................what makes you think I AM?

My statement that I want a marriage like the Bible described doesn't mean I am "after" anything...and I certainly didn't say that I only intended to give 50% to a marriage.

You stated "sure thay have different roles and responsibilities, but they are still equal."

Yes, they're supposed to have different roles and responsibilities - this is what I was referring to.

 

[charligirl]

I Apologise I haven't expressed myself very well *sigh* that's the trouble with typing things I didn't mean to suggest you were "after" something as in after what you could get for yourself in some selfish way. I meant what you are after in what you expect a marriage to be, as in what sort of marriage you are after.. does that make any sense?

You just came across as believing that husband and wife should not be equal as you said:

He wants an "equal partner" type thing and I DON'T!

I do not want to be his partner, if anything I want to be his wife

This just gave me the impression you believe that a biblical marriage is all about the male doing everything, particularly when you said

whom I can LEAN ON and NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND!!!

Sorry if I misunderstood, I didn't mean to offend.

 

[SirKenin]

I was going out with my partner for about 6 years, in which during that time I became a Christian and because we stopped having sex before marriage, I found that he was pushing marriage forward a little. I am not ready for marriage and therefore I have ended our relationship. I feel absoulutley torn in two and I am really worried and questioning whether I have done the right thing. I do really love him and I feel so guilty for what I have done Should I have just stayed with him and kept on praying for him? I feel so confused Any advice would be much appreciated. Thank you

Why stay with him? You aren't obligated, and hoping for a miracle is the absolute wrong approach to take. We are to be proactive, and not sit back waiting for God to do all the work. It doesn't work that way.

Anyways.. If the warning flags went up, and I would have to know the whole story, not just this little tidbit you shared with us, then I would say you did the right thing. HOWEVER.... That is impossible for any one of us to know without knowing every intimate detail.

Nobody said breaking up would be easy, though, of this we as a group can be certain, and the feelings that you are having are entirely natural. I certainly wish you the best for the future.

 

[CRitabe]

I have found with some of my friends who have husbands who do not share their faith with them that they have huge regrets for getting married. They are good women and truly love their husbands. Most of them have been married for 8-10 years; however they live frustrated lives. They continuously vent their sadness, hurt and hopelessness over their life situation. They are unhappy that their husbands do not participate in their children's religious training and don't share their same values. All of them have said that if they had it to do over, they would not marry them.

It seems to me that this is especially true for those who belong to charismatic churches; simply because their way of worship is the most important aspect of their life and pretty much IS their whole life. It is difficult, at best, to share your life with someone who does not relate or participate in what is the most important thing in the world to you. I think that was what St. Paul was referring to when he was talking about being "unequally yoked" - there has to be a shared value system and level of understanding to be happy.

My take on the situation. It seems to me that if I have learned anything - it is that it is much easier to make changes before I'm "committed" to a particular path than to make the change after the committment has been made.

 

[Abiel]

I All of them have said that if they had it to do over, they would not marry them.

.

Not me. I probably would do it all over again. I know enough very unhappy christian ladies married to christian men to know that this is not a guarenteed route to happiness. My non saved husband, however fulfils biblical criteria in all ways but one- he's not saved.

That's my weakness speaking though. I admire immensly those of you who have made this difficult descision. I was reasonably well back slidden when we married- I thank God daily that he brought Peter into my life at a time when no Christian man would give me a second look. When I adopted my cf dog, i picked the cheapest- i was then delighted to find his name is Rock!

I pray God will honour your descisions and bless you enormously.