Have I been spoiling my baby too much?

[akeng]

If you neglect your dh for the sake of a baby you may end up raising the baby by yourself, just something to think about. Just because there is a baby does not mean that time with your husband should be sacraficed. Order of priority; God, spouse and then kids. You may need to use the CIO by default just so you have time to do something for yourself and your husband, I think some parents run themselves rampent for no reason. Also its important to understand that Moms are wired to best take care of kids from birth to around 6 to 8 and Dads have most influance from 8 until graduation. Dads dont have mommy instinct so if a kid is crying unless he is an affeminate male he will assume a hand full of things (dirty diaper and food) and if thoes are not it he will let it cry. Stress is created from how we deal with what is going on around us not the fact that its going on.

 

[Stan53]

God, spouse and then kids. You may need to use the CIO by default .

This is only partly true. L:ater in the same post you mention Mum's are best up to around 6-8 months then dad's come into this. Bit of confusion here?
Second, and more importantly, most "experts" don't recommend CIO until 6 months at the earliest. At the time of the original posting the baby is only 4.5. CIO at this age is a no-no.
Yes, with our eldest, we did CIO. She was 10 months old and we were left with no other option. But it wasn't a choice we made lightly.
We men really do need to be understanding of the whole baby/mother thing.

Moms are wired to best take care of kids

You wrote this, and all us men need to take note. If we push ourselves onto our women then it is us who need to repent.
Oh, and one last little observation. Akeng, is it possible you have had a bad experience with mum's/co-sleeping/baby's crying? It's just an observation from reading your posts in another thread.

 

[akeng]

And I said 6-8 years of age, not months, dads play the biggest role when its time for the kids to start being responsible. Moms do a better job at pandering to small childs needs (hense the term mamas boy, a pandered to child) and dads do a better job of preparing kids for reality of real life and teaching them things.

This is only partly true. L:ater in the same post you mention Mum's are best up to around 6-8 months then dad's come into this. Bit of confusion here?
Second, and more importantly, most "experts" don't recommend CIO until 6 months at the earliest. At the time of the original posting the baby is only 4.5. CIO at this age is a no-no.
Yes, with our eldest, we did CIO. She was 10 months old and we were left with no other option. But it wasn't a choice we made lightly.
We men really do need to be understanding of the whole baby/mother thing.
You wrote this, and all us men need to take note. If we push ourselves onto our women then it is us who need to repent.
Oh, and one last little observation. Akeng, is it possible you have had a bad experience with mum's/co-sleeping/baby's crying? It's just an observation from reading your posts in another thread.

 

[jgonz]

I disagree akeng. Assuming that a man can't wait for his wife to be available for intimacy is demeaning to husbands everywhere. When a woman has a newborn, her entire focus is on her newborn. It's part of the survival of the species... A newborn is very high maintenance, needs mom 24/7, and moms rarely get a good break to take care of themselves. It's during this period of time that dads need to step in and help out with the rest of the household stuff and other children that mom can't get to.

Fast forward a few months and things settle down (usually). Once things settle down a little, then mom can get a little more rest and start functioning more normally. Sometimes it takes longer for the household to incorporate a new baby... and the dad is going to have to be respectful of that.

CIO is not recommended until AT LEAST 6 months old. Babies truly do need Something when they cry~ it's their only way of communicating. After that growth spurt at 6 months, mental develpment has develped enough for them to understand so much more~ and be able to wait for a little while for, let's say, mom to go to the bathroom before sitting down to nurse.

Nursing babies to sleep is a perfectly Fine way to get the baby to sleep. They DO grow out of it! You are Not developing bad sleep habits. If anything, you're developing a more secure individual who will sleep Better by herself later on.

I've tried various ways of handling sleep issues with my 9 kids, and I have to say that it was So much easier in the long run to just go with the flow of what the baby needed (tough on me in the short-term, but better for everyone in the long-term).

My advice is to relax and let your baby lead you with what she needs.

 

[overit]

SO easy to say what people should do that haven't been there lol- the advise and ideas of akeng are so laughable i can't even respond w/a straigth face...sorry.

 

[jgonz]

Good point Overit.

 

[akeng]

As long as you can hold down your job and stay married, if thoes two things start to faulter then you need to have a serious talk. BTW our species have survived very well, in fact this planet is on the verge of overpopulation.

I disagree akeng. Assuming that a man can't wait for his wife to be available for intimacy is demeaning to husbands everywhere. When a woman has a newborn, her entire focus is on her newborn. It's part of the survival of the species... A newborn is very high maintenance, needs mom 24/7, and moms rarely get a good break to take care of themselves. It's during this period of time that dads need to step in and help out with the rest of the household stuff and other children that mom can't get to.

Fast forward a few months and things settle down (usually). Once things settle down a little, then mom can get a little more rest and start functioning more normally. Sometimes it takes longer for the household to incorporate a new baby... and the dad is going to have to be respectful of that.

CIO is not recommended until AT LEAST 6 months old. Babies truly do need Something when they cry~ it's their only way of communicating. After that growth spurt at 6 months, mental develpment has develped enough for them to understand so much more~ and be able to wait for a little while for, let's say, mom to go to the bathroom before sitting down to nurse.

Nursing babies to sleep is a perfectly Fine way to get the baby to sleep. They DO grow out of it! You are Not developing bad sleep habits. If anything, you're developing a more secure individual who will sleep Better by herself later on.

I've tried various ways of handling sleep issues with my 9 kids, and I have to say that it was So much easier in the long run to just go with the flow of what the baby needed (tough on me in the short-term, but better for everyone in the long-term).

My advice is to relax and let your baby lead you with what she needs.

 

[jgonz]

I refuse to discuss the overpopulation theory with you. In fact, that could be considered baiting me, considering I have a large family myself.

Plus, it's entirely off-topic.

 

[akeng]

It was not ment to bait anyone I was just stating a fact. I should rephrase, as long as it does not effect your marriage or you job your ok, if it does there needs to be some serious discussions.

I refuse to discuss the overpopulation theory with you. In fact, that could be considered baiting me, considering I have a large family myself.

Plus, it's entirely off-topic.

 

[OrangeHope]

Thanks to everyone here!
It's been a long time since I last posted and Alex is now 8 months old.
We never started letting her CIO...and even through she's still not sleeping through all the night I'm still not gonna let her CIO.
Since DH is going through immigration I am working and he's staying home with her so he gets up with her at night and some times losses his patients with her cause he's so sleepy it's something he needs to work on cause I told him many times never to get angry with her and make her feel like a burden.
She has just started crawling not so long ago so now she's every where!
She really is a good baby and is fun to be with but DH and I still don't get much alone time cause till she's falls asleep it's like we have a million things to do, not to mention I work long hours...