Hate Living

[chaoticfirefly]

I hate living.

I hate my psychologist. I hate that she refuses to put me back on sleep aids. It's been two weeks since I last slept and she's only making me write in a notebook.

I have a concussion from smashing my head into the wall repeatedly because my brain wouldn't stop. I'm too depressed and too tired and too wide awake and I can't make it stop.

Over the counter stuff only makes me high and depressed.

I'm so lost.

I want to die.

An don't you dare tell me to pray. praying is useless. god is useless. he should die too.

and this won't stop.

 

[BeatrixRose]

Oh sweetheart, this post has made me so sad. I feel for you so much; I understand living in this turmoil as I have done for the whole of nineteen years of my life. Fortunatly, I am starting to come out of it.

You're not lost. You have people, I'm here for you. I won't let you be lost, I promise. About your psychologist, why don't you change them? I've gone through many and still can't find the right one and ended up leaving entirely!

I'll PM you, sweetie. I really hope you hang in there x

 

[RuthD]

I have the same problem with sleep but my psychiatrist prescribes me Trazadone to sleep. Have you ever tried that?

 

[Criada]

I'm sorry it's so tough, sweetie
There is hope, really - this won't last for ever.
Hang in there, and know that you matter to us here

 

[Krissy Cakes]

As Sarah said YOU matter to us so please don't say you want to die.

I really really hope you get some sleeping pills so you can get some good sleep.

 

[miss-a]

It will get better.

Praying for you,
a

 

[chaoticfirefly]

Thanks you guys.

I'm fighting, things get better and then drop down even worse. Yesterday and today have been just...I don't know why I bother getting out of bed.

I spoke with my mom, who works with medicines and stuff and asked her if it would be wise if I was put on something, and she spoke with her boss who recommended me seeing my medical doctor about some anti-depressants and anti anxiety meds/sleep aids (Zoloft and Vistaril, I think?) so I get to do that Thursday.

 

[drjean]

((((hug)))) I know YOU don't really want to end your life...but you want THIS WAY of life to end for you!

Okay...you are really being tough on yourself. Do what the Therapist says...often helping to write the things buzzing around in our heads helps to clear our thinking, knowing we don't have to work on things or remember if it's written down.

As for sleep meds...why not try natural herbal remedies? Most all of our medicines are made from plants! There are some wonderful teas to drink that help me (I'm allergic to so many medicines I couldn't take them if I wanted to!) Talk to your mom about the teas?

You can also try hypnosis. Ask your psychologist if she is trained in hypnotherapy. This is a good way to learn to take better control of your thoughts, focus upon calming things, and reduce anger, depression and stress too.

If anything is truthful, honest, lovely...think on these.

Try to stop thinking and writing all the negative things while ruminating... if it's needs attention, give it a minute and then tell yourself, done with thinking about that.

Don't worry about praying--though God is there and interested--call out to Him as much as you wish, even if sad or angry (Come let US reason together...) Your friends here will do the praying for you.

You haven't always felt so terrible...you've felt better in the past, and will again. It might "just" be hormones that have dumped in and taken you for a tumble.

 

[Liberal Angel]

i know this feeling, I hope things get better for you asap

Is that avater assassins creed btw?

 

[chaoticfirefly]

Thanks everyone. I'm trying.

Without talking to my psychologist, I went to my doctor and he put me on some anti-depressants that's supposed to help me sleep but there's been no change. I think I just get sadder.

@LiberalAngel: Why yes it is.

 

[kidwboro]

Lord, I pray that you put your Spirit into chaoticfirefly, to take away her suffering, and give her true consolation and power from on high. Lord, you are love, which covers everything. You fulfill everything. You are the true Light. May we all be a living testimony to your Light.