Has anyone had big problems or fallouts before your marriage?

[magicbean3]

Me and my bf have been together for nearly three years, we are both now nearly 20 and talking more and more about marriage.
Last year we had some problems, we both started to not appreciate each other and sadly he started texting another women.
He didn't cheat, he told her she was attractive and when she asked to meet up with him, he realised that he didn't want to be with her and we sorted things out.
Typing this out, doesn't see like a big problem but to me at the time it crushed me.
He feels very sorry and doesn't want me to bring it up, and he regrets what he did deeply.

So, has any married couple out there had problems before you considered marriage?

I'm thinking of proposing to him late this year or the start of next year.

 

[Autumnleaf]

We did. Those problems got worse after we got married and now 16 years and a few children later we are finally talking about divorce. Don't let that phase you though. Love will conquer all! Follow your heart!

 

[BFine]

Me and my bf have been together for nearly three years, we are both now nearly 20 and talking more and more about marriage.
Last year we had some problems, we both started to not appreciate each other and sadly he started texting another women.
He didn't cheat, he told her she was attractive and when she asked to meet up with him, he realised that he didn't want to be with her and we sorted things out.
Typing this out, doesn't see like a big problem but to me at the time it crushed me.
He feels very sorry and doesn't want me to bring it up, and he regrets what he did deeply.

So, has any married couple out there had problems before you considered marriage?

I'm thinking of proposing to him late this year or the start of next year.

*I look at things like that as a red flag...meaning slow down and don't enter into marriage when either one of you isn't truly ready for such a commitment.
You two have been together for 3 years and you both are nearly 20.
Getting engaged is a serious thing and I would put that off until he is
sure of things. Work on communicating your feelings, discuss future plans and goals/dreams. Do you plan on going to college? Are you both working and have money saved?

Dating is the time to find out if you two are suited for one another and are ready for marriage.
Having doubts, cold feet and spats are typical... going from discussing marriage-- to him checking out another girl tells me he's not ready for any
further commitment and I don't advise "pushing" the subject of getting engaged/and or married.
People mature/develop at different rates and I would urge you to be patient and drop the marriage talk.

 

[hijklmnop]

My h regretted his infidelity during our engagement very deeply too, I thought, and I banked on his tears, begging, and swearing up and down it would never happen again. That was naive. I was in for a lot more of the same during our marriage. The red flags you see before marriage will not likely disappear after the ceremony. What you have experienced is a major red flag imo. Take your time to see if this really was a one-time error or not, but don't put it in the past too quickly, and don't let him not allow you to talk about it. It's a major issue that should be explored completely if you decide to stay with him and hope he won't go there again. You guys are still young and inexperienced in life and you should have utmost confidence in your choice to marry someone.

 

[peckaboo]

I know I'm reviving an old thread here, but just wanted to throw in a different perspective. A good indication of whether or not your bf is really serious about taking responsibility for his actions might be to see if he's willing to go to some kind of counselling so that he can address whatever underlying issues led him to seek out another woman. To my shame, I'm speaking from experience as the cheater (not in my marriage, in a previous relationship, as if that makes it any better...), not the cheated-on, and I found counselling really helpful.

One other thing I'd mention is that just before we got engaged my husband went on a *really* disorganised field trip at university, they hadn't booked any accommodation in advance and, long story short, he ended up sharing a room with a girl. I was just livid about this, particularly as he'd told me beforehand that it was an all-male trip, but it turned out that he'd only seen the list of names, and her name was George, so he couldn't really have known she was female. Anyway, I thought it was totally inappropriate for him to have shared a room with her - I told him I'd have slept out in the hallway before I shared a room with another man - and he said that he would exchange rooms with someone else who didn't mind sharing with a girl. However he didn't do this, and I considered breaking up with him over it. Now we've been married a year, and it has been a difficult thing for me to trust him. At the time he didn't understand why I was so upset, because nothing romantic went on between them, but now he says he realises it was a wrong thing to do and it was a betrayal of our relationship. Three things I learned from that: 1) even if "nothing happened", you're still entitled to feel upset, because your trust has still been betrayed. 2) It's the responsibility of the one who did wrong to take the necessary measures to re-establish trust. Now even if my husband goes to meet a client at work and the client brings a female assistant with him, he tells me. And he took it upon himself to do that, because he wanted to prove to me that he wasn't hiding anything from me. 3) It's also the responsibility of the one who was wronged to make a decision to trust the other person (if you want to continue the relationship) even when you don't feel like it. I learned that trust is a choice, not a feeling.

If you've been together for 3 years, I wouldn't view this as a red flag *as long as* it was an isolated event. If there have been other times he's hidden things from you that might indicate a pattern rather than a one-off mistake.

 

[richard william]

i have been happily married for four years and still havent had any doubts whatsoever .... only time will tell!!

 

[David1975]

You both are young and still have a lot of life to live. I have been remarried to my second wife for 8years now. I left my other wife because of her cheating on me. She finally did tell me about it but I already new. We did have a beautiful daughter together who is now eleven. Just be sure it is the right time for you and him. Ask him what he wants out of the relationship. Read the book men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. Very good book.