hard for me

[JesusFreak4545]

I don't know why I always feel so depressed. My parents are worried about me. When I'm at home, I never talk especially at school. I'm always on the internet talking to my online friends or be on the phone. My dad is sad because I hardly talk to him what is going on in my life. When I was younger, I can always talk to my parents, but now I'm a teenager everything just changes now. I'm getting farther away from God. I'm just so upset with Him. I have a hearing problem ever since I was born. I prayed to God every day and everynight before I go to bed or something. Now I just quit. I just never have the patience to wait for the right time. I started to believe that there isn't a God now. I want to tell Him that I'm sorry for everything I had done now, but I'm afraid I will run away from Him again. I'm always depressed for some reasons. I just don't know why. I feel so invisible in school. I want to blend in with others, but I'm so shy that I'm afraid that I will say something stupid or something will come out wrong that I wasn't thinking. I just don't know what to do anymore. I just hate my life. Nothing interesting about me or anything in my life. I never do anything fun, that's for sure.

 

[BlackRain]

I want to tell Him that I'm sorry for everything I had done now, but I'm afraid I will run away from Him again.

you know how many times i've ran away from God after asking for forgiveness and saying how sorry i was? my whole life i've been running in all different directions...everywhere but to God. but, he was always patient with me. he always accepted me back when i came crying home. he always cleaned off the mud on the welcome mat. God is an incredible Father!! He cares for you like crazy! he loves you sooooooo much! talk to him, i'm sure he'd love to hear your voice. don't tell yourself you'll run away. tell yourself that you will try your hardest not to, that you'll persevere and be strong. of course, if you go into it saying you'll turn...you will. example: me! but, you've gotta have faith that you can do this, girl. you can come back to God and he will love you all the more. go for it!! embrace him!
now, about your parents...yeah..i'm there as well. i just don't like talking to them about deep issues in my life. i'd rather talk to a friend about it. i don't think there is anything wrong with it. i told my parents that i just don't like talking about that stuff with them. i make sure they know i love them...so they don't have to wonder if i'm trying to avoid them. i just don't talk too much at home. i've got nothing to say. so, its ok!! just tell your parents that it's not comfortable for you. i pray they understand. but, talking to someone is always a HUGE help! i would seek advice from someone older that you trust.

 

[Tazi]

Hi jesus freak 4545,
Im a mother and my heart aches for you. obviously your parents love you, try to open your heart to them, dont be afraid to let out your emotion to them, you are so important for them, it will bring you closer to them if you talk to them. Dont alianate them. they have the life experience to talk to you and they will not abandon you. as for being shy and worrying about saying the wrong thing, we all feel that at some time. but look at it this way: nothing is going to happen if you speak up sometimes. other people will know how sweet you are. dont be afraid of someone laughing, its not important if people laugh. only your family and true friends and God are important. Remember, the bible says "Do not fear"
God wants your life to be filled with joy. try out some different activities your interested it. Dont lose hope....there are always choices..
I'll pray for you,
hugs, pam

 

[chilibowl]

I have a friend with a hearing problem maybe you know him!!! lol I'm not laughing at you just read me out...
I'm 1/2 korean and but I don't look it, and every time someone finds out they feel a need to reconnect, so that what they say: I know this korean guy who run a cleaners maybe you know him??? or there's one who lives down the street from me maybe you know him... hey, and sence he moved in we don't have a problem with stray animals anymore.. or something like that.. and life goes on..
now adays anyway, but there was a time in high school, when people found out, they felt betrayed by me, like I've been liying to them the whole time we knew each other or something.. which made me very insecure about my self I began to doubt everything, and I slowly started to cut myself off from my mother and her side of the family.. just because I felt in someway she was to blame... I so desperatly wanted to be like everyone else... i can't tell you, that things got any better, because they got much worse... why? because I was trying so hard to be something I wasn't "Caucasion" I even went thru a cowboy redneck hate monger stage, but I wasn't fooling anyone. the only thing i accomplished was the proper alienation of those who loved me most... (Because they didn't understand what it was to be me) and I was right... but they knew what it was to be an adult in todays world, they knew how to be sucessful and they knew all of the important things in life!! these were the things I didn't care about cause I valued the acceptance of my peers over their world, but it's been 13 years since then, and you know what? I haven't seen one of them since high school... and now the asian thing??? the very thing I hated, has made me the subject of many many discussions with new people and friends they all want to know what it was like growing up like that..cause it wasn't the same boring stuff that everyone else grew up with... i know it's painful right now and it seems like it will never end, but have hope christian, cause there is a light at the end of this tunnel and it's comming fast, and when you get into the light the high school world will fade fast and the real world will begin, the world you now have the keys to because of your uniqueness... so my opening line?? was your formal welcome to the real world!
be strong, be confidant for just alittle bit longer and you'll be in the light standing on a mountain of drones.

Goodluck and god bless

 

[JesusFreak4545]

It's different here. I go to a private school which is like 30 minutes away from here. All my friends are far away from me and I live in a small town which I don't know a lot of kids around my age. I know alot of older people that my parents talk to. My siblings have friends around where we live because they go to school here and I don't. My parents want me to have a good education in a Christian school. I like my school because everybody get along great there..well...sometimes. And nobody make fun of me for wearing a hearing aid. In school, I always want everybody to like me, so I just do everything to impress them. I always give advice to some of my friends who think they don't belong and I should listen to my own advice. I always tell them to just be yourself and don't pretend to be someone else. I just don't know what to do anymore. I always feel I don't belong. And beside when I want to talk to a friend, I just can't trust any of them. I told my best friend about what happen over the summer (some of you know what happen) and she told her boyfriend about it! I didn't want anybody else to know. So he told this guy who likes me alot. I was just upset over it.

 

[notworthknowing]

hi JesusFreak..

I have a hearing problem too, and I wear hearing aids. Makes life a bit tougher. I don't really have any good advice or anything for you here, but I just wanted you to know i'll be praying for you, and I care. I go through periods of really bad depression, so I understand some of what your going through.

Hang in there

Love,
Kaitie

 

[JesusFreak4545]

Hey, I just got back from Tulsa, OK with my friend's youth from church. The thing we went to called Acquire The Fire. I don't know if any of you heard of it or went there this weekend. Man, that place was so powerful. I was singing this song "Open my eyes of your heart" and I had a weird chill inside of me everytime I sing that. It's like God was trying to tell me something.