Guilt!!!

[Linnis]

I didn't like GCM as first. Now that I've been a member almost 2 years, I can say I have found my place. Do I do everything the other mothers there do? No. Do I agree with it all No. Then again, I don't do everything the parents here on CF do either.

The moms on GCM simply try to do the best they feel they can and should do for and by their kids.

I got my son, to sleep without CIO and nursing, it happened when he was emotionally ready to handle it.

RoseofLima, posted when I had a newborn, it's not my job as a mother to make them not cry but to be with them when they do. That has given me such a sense of peace in the last 7 months. I can't always fix his crying but he's never alone when he does.

GCM feel strongly about certain things, CIO and extended breastfeeding is among them. You might be surprised to learn that most of those mothers started out as CIO formula feeding moms and evolved because it didn't work out.

I had a HORRIBLE time in the beginning of nursing and I'm glad for their loving support and I've seen them being loving and supportive to a friend who couldn't.

Oh, you are not a bad mummy.

 

[Kazamataz]

Your checklist makes babies sound like those little tamagotchi (spelling?) pets, my daughter had one and if it hadn't been fed or played with or took to the toilet it would become miserable so you'd have to check through each option to see if that was what was causing the pet to be miserable. I hope it doesn't need to be pointed out that babies are very different from virtual pets.

I do not care for that cold clinical approach to parenting that you describe, I'd rather go with my instincts and raise babies the way nature intended, which is to be responsive to their needs, which is to have baby near me at all times so I can be responsive.

The point i was trying to make with the check list was go through everything you can think of that would cause your bubs any discomfort or make it upset.

I don't see how this is "cold" at all.

Call me strange but since our bubs can't talk yet isn't that what your meant to do?

check every possibility as to why they may not be comfortable why they are crying?

maybe i'm just not a very good parent?

However it makes perfect sense to me to check him out and make sure he's completely at ease before i try to put him to sleep! *shrugs*

 

[AutumnDreamer]

you are totally missing the point your choosing to ignore the word

HABIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I clearly said if you create a HABIT of giving into your children pacifiering them whenever they cry, giving in whenever they want something, teaching them all they have to do is cry and they get there own way.

THAT is what creates selfish, self centeredness.

I DIDN'T IN ANYWAY STATE THAT COMFORTING YOUR BABY IS WRONG OR THAT IT CREATES SELFISH BABIES.

what makes people selfish is when they are taught from day one they are the center of the universe that this HABIT is continued from babies to when they are 4, 10, 15, 21 and so on.

Get off your high horse and actually read peoples post before you start pointing the finger!

And my point is that you create selfish children by giving into their material wants, and temper tantrums, not my picking them up when they cry. A baby does not know it is bedtime and that they should be going to sleep, all they know is that all day long someone is there whenever they look up, then all of a sudden it is dark and no one is there, so they cry, crying is there only real source of communication, that is what makes mom and dad respond quickly. Babies that are carried in slings or are near their parents all day cry less b/c they don't have to cry to get a response. Crying is not a bad thing. Once a child is about 18mth and older, when they can verbally comunicate then crying is used to sometimes to try to get their own way, this is when you start to teach them that crying doesn't get them their own way. Not when crying is their only source of communication.

 

[Athene]

The point i was trying to make with the check list was go through everything you can think of that would cause your bubs any discomfort or make it upset.

I don't see how this is "cold" at all.

Call me strange but since our bubs can't talk yet isn't that what your meant to do?

check every possibility as to why they may not be comfortable why they are crying?

maybe i'm just not a very good parent?

However it makes perfect sense to me to check him out and make sure he's completely at ease before i try to put him to sleep! *shrugs*

But what if the reason the baby is crying is because he or she wants it's mum, wants a cuddle, is feeling a bit lonely and unhappy and wants the warmth and comfort of being held in it's mothers arms. Babies are designed to want to be close to their mothers, it causes them anxiety to be seperated. Where is that option on the checklist?

Your checklist is a throwback to the days of scientific parenting, when 'experts' in the field decided that babies should be limited in the amount of time they are held by the parents, that being picked up and cuddled will create spoilt and selfish brats, babies should learn to soothe themselves. We need to move away from the scientific method, it did more harm then good.

 

[lin1235]

I have a problem with the mindset that supplying what your baby needs means you "give in" to them, as if you had intended to NOT supply their needs, but now they're "forcing" you to do so. I want to provide what my baby needs from me, including cuddles.

 

[DonnaB]

I have a problem with the mindset that supplying what your baby needs means you "give in" to them, as if you had intended to NOT supply their needs, but now they're "forcing" you to do so. I want to provide what my baby needs from me, including cuddles.

Yes! I think one of the big differences between CIO advocates (including controlled crying) and non-CIO is a difference in perspective. I have hears CIO parents say that their baby is "just trying to get what they want" --which I think is true, the difference is that I don't have a problem with babies asking for what they need using the means they have available. I still say that every family has to do what is withing their comfort zone, though.

What I object to is the implication by CIO, pro-spanking parents is that we are being permissive by picking up a crying baby. I get pretty defensive when someone implies that because we do not spank our daughter will grow up to be a brat. ALL parenting is hard, regardless of what method you choose, and I resent being told that my parenting lacks because I interpret baby's cries as a need to be fulfilled rather than a manipulation.

 

[Robinsegg]

I actually taught my children sign language from 3-6 months of age to help me know what they wanted. It worked for me, and made things easier.

Does that mean everyone has to do things this way? No. I would recommend the attempt but don't get angry at anyone who doesn't.

I don't think that infants are immediately spoiled if picked up when crying. However, I will say that a mom who plans to put her child in a daycare anytime before age 2 shouldn't try AP, as it makes it impossible for the daycare to deal with her child (I worked in daycare and had a mom do this, not understanding it made her child cry all day, since we didn't have one worker to deal with her child all the time).

Rachel