I need help. I am currently dating the most amazing christian girl who I do believe God has sent to be my wife. Lets call my current girlfriend Liz. Well we met my sophomore year of college, her freshman year, (this was now 2 years ago) and at the time that we met, I had just fallen out of a relationship. The summer before meeting her I had been around a girl who I had known for a very long time. Lets call this girl Jessica. She liked me and I liked her, but I knew we were never going to date. Well the school year came and Jessica had decided to meet up in the major town near me to go watch a baseball game and celebrate my birthday. Well while we were there, I was in the midst of getting to know Liz a lot better and we were texting all day everyday and Jessica knew about her. Jessica had gotten really upset with me and at this moment I knew I just wanted to be with Liz. This whole weekend we shared a hotel room with some friends who were a couple. On the last night, Jessica and I shared the bed and had sex. This was my first time ever. I did not enjoy it nor did I finish, I quickly ended and stopped doing things. I was in such disbelief and was so disappointed in myself that I lied to myself saying that I did not have sex with her. Well the lies got to my head and I truly believed in them.
Now fast forward a few months and Liz and I had gotten really close to dating each other. She is a virgin and asked me if I was and I lied to her and said yes that I am a virgin. She found it hard to believe being that I had been in two serious relationships in high school, but she never figured I would have had sex with Jessica. Well a long time has passed since then. I honestly started to forget about the whole situation. This past summer something had came up which reminded me of the time with Jessica, but I still tried convincing myself it was all false. Well last night, I went with a friend to a men's group at our church, and it hit me hard. I knew God was telling me that what I was doing was wrong. I told my friend about the situation and we prayed and prayed until I was ready to go to Liz's house and tell her about my lie. I showed up and was a mess, I had never cried like that before in my life. I love Liz with my entire heart and will honestly do anything for her. I told her the truth and obviously, she was torn. She was not mad, just very very sad and confused. Right now I feel as though I am living a nightmare. I do not feel better for having told her the truth, instead I feel worse due to the pain I cause her. I feel so much guilt now that I have accepted. I feel depressed, I feel like a failure, I feel disgusting. I just want to make Liz happy and want to continue my life with her. (I am not worried of her breaking up with me due to the lie, she is very just and I know she loves me as much as I love her) I just dont know what to do, I honestly cannot think about anything other than how much I hurt Liz last night. I feel absolutely awful. She had been looking forward to the night of our wedding and how special it would be, but I think telling her the truth impacted that thought a lot. Please anything helps, I feel like a mess right now. Thank you and God bless.
Now fast forward a few months and Liz and I had gotten really close to dating each other. She is a virgin and asked me if I was and I lied to her and said yes that I am a virgin. She found it hard to believe being that I had been in two serious relationships in high school, but she never figured I would have had sex with Jessica. Well a long time has passed since then. I honestly started to forget about the whole situation. This past summer something had came up which reminded me of the time with Jessica, but I still tried convincing myself it was all false. Well last night, I went with a friend to a men's group at our church, and it hit me hard. I knew God was telling me that what I was doing was wrong. I told my friend about the situation and we prayed and prayed until I was ready to go to Liz's house and tell her about my lie. I showed up and was a mess, I had never cried like that before in my life. I love Liz with my entire heart and will honestly do anything for her. I told her the truth and obviously, she was torn. She was not mad, just very very sad and confused. Right now I feel as though I am living a nightmare. I do not feel better for having told her the truth, instead I feel worse due to the pain I cause her. I feel so much guilt now that I have accepted. I feel depressed, I feel like a failure, I feel disgusting. I just want to make Liz happy and want to continue my life with her. (I am not worried of her breaking up with me due to the lie, she is very just and I know she loves me as much as I love her) I just dont know what to do, I honestly cannot think about anything other than how much I hurt Liz last night. I feel absolutely awful. She had been looking forward to the night of our wedding and how special it would be, but I think telling her the truth impacted that thought a lot. Please anything helps, I feel like a mess right now. Thank you and God bless.
