Grown Child who refuses to grow up, what can parents do?

[Joni Steele]

TY, dayhiker. All I can do is pray that my prodigal returns home...to Jesus.

 

[JAM2b]

I'm sorry Joni. I'm praying

 

[Online.Gamer.79]

My mom should have thrown me out at 18 and forced me to take care of myself. My life might be a bit better if she had. My mom enabled me. I finally grew up but I am 41 now and alot of the opportunities I had when I was younger are know longer there. And I found out the hard way when she passed away how much my family resented me. I screwed up my body when I was younger so I am on disability. I live off 783 dollars a month. My health is not great. And in probability I will die never married and know kids. I am not trying to play the sympathy card I am just pointing out that the older you get the harder it gets. Now I could probably have a comeback but I do not feel the drive that I felt when I was 20. I got a roof over my head, a few friends and some nice volunteer jobs. I have alot of regrets, your daughter is 30...cut her off, you should have done it years ago. You can make sure she is okay. You can point here to job programs and shelters, because she is a woman there are alot more programs for her. Your not helping her like my mom was not helping me. She will probably get it eventfully...I did...but you do not want her getting it when she is 40 or 50. And what is she going to do when you die and that will happen. She needs to become self sufficient. You really do not want your daughter to learn these hard lessons at the middle of her life and when your know longer there to help her

 

[Robban]

My older daughter is 30+. After high school she has no interest in pursuing college, went through many boyfriends and still is. She is living in my ex's rental property to oversee her tenants in exchange for lower rent. Her income is from working in restaurants and serving drinks. The pay is decent, but the job is unstable, environment is not good (2nd hand smoke, bad schedule like late shift ends 3am) and all kinds of difficult customers she must deal with. She uses recreation weed. Upside is that she does keep up with exercises and go to the gym regularly. She has a good heart and very good with people.

I and my ex are running out of idea how to help her to be financially independent, to be mature and take on the responsibilities as an adult to secure a better future as a 30+ adult should. She pays minimum rent (usually late), need close monitoring (and occasional help) with her credit card use. I pay for her health care ). She lives a care free life, no responsibilities, no concerns or planning for the future. Case in point – her car needs maintenance like check tire, brake, oil change. But she will drive until the brake is grinding metal. She had a flat tire again last week. I offered to help her with getting new tires. Yet she still has not made appointment with the auto shop. I am more worried sick about her safety and the next mishap on the road. She does not.

My ex said we are indulging her and need to cut off the help and let her crash to learn. I agree but how far should we let her goes down until she learn – homeless, no health insurance, no car?

I welcome any advice (and prayer) in how to help my child. A friend suggests to contact professional to help her. But I do not even know who to ask, therapist, financial advisers, motivation coach. I think the drive to change must come from her. We are at wit’s end.

(From her perspective, she said she is impacted by our divorce and the trauma of her high school boyfriend who assaulted her. I wish so much I can turn back the clock to do better as a father. Ironically when she was young, I was so occupied with ministries and put it before my family.)

So mrs Jones was talking to mrs Green,
said mrs Jones,
"Oh, I saw one of your boys playing at the kindergarten today."

"Which one, the lawyer or the surgeon?"

Parents often want the best for their children,

fathers often want their sons to take over the buisness.

But it don't always go the way they wish.
Don't give up, give her space,
the tide may change.

At least she works and has somewhere to live.