Growing older...

[blackribbon]

Is it wrong to wish to find "young love" when you are older? I don't feel old on the inside. I miss the butterflies and the beginning of a new romance. Actually, I often still felt those butterflies with my husband even after all those years (I also didn't like him at times too, so you know that I don't pretend like things were perfect)...but when he would look at me at times, we were kids again. Being connected to someone else like that was a huge reason for living. I may never find that again, but new beginnings would be nice.

 

[geiroffenberg]

Not saying tis wrong, but as we know, specially after living for some decades, everything in this world fades, and the true butterflies that lasts is found in God. Sometimes we dont want to hear this, sometimes we do. SO i guess without saying something is good or bad, seeking the kingdom first is supposed to supercede these lesser things, hopefully we all found it out experientally while we still are on earth.

 

[blackribbon]

Not saying tis wrong, but as we know, specially after living for some decades, everything in this world fades, and the true butterflies that lasts is found in God. Sometimes we dont want to hear this, sometimes we do. SO i guess without saying something is good or bad, seeking the kingdom first is supposed to supercede these lesser things, hopefully we all found it out experientally while we still are on earth.

What does this mean? The world fades? I actually see and feel the world more intensely now. The superficial has faded but love isn't superficial. And what does "seeking the kingdom first" mean in a real world sense and how does that exclude finding someone to love and love you back?

 

[geiroffenberg]

What does this mean? The world fades? I actually see and feel the world more intensely now. The superficial has faded but love isn't superficial. And what does "seeking the kingdom first" mean in a real world sense and how does that exclude finding someone to love and love you back?

well, i didnt mean the world fades, it will go on forever as far as i am concerned, but the things of this world are changing. I dont know of anything formed in this world that lasts.
But the spiritual things do. Its just how it is. Also i didnt mean that seeking the kingdom exludes finding human love in a reliation ship. How would humanity go on, if no one cared about human reomatic relatinships anymore lol.
But it as most of us well know after experienceing it maybe many times, it also fades. Its not wrong, its just how it is. IM sure we can work on it or whatever but it seems to me the reason for all this is to finally find a lasting fulfilment for all our emotiona needs in God, who doesnt fade. Then our romantic relatnship REALLY have a rock to build on and we wound have much less problems and even divorces etc. becuase it isnt where we seek our final confort anyway, rather we can experience its ups and down with no fear of it breaking. So all im saying, the lasting comfort that doesnt fade is found in God. Seeking the kingdom means seeking within us in the spirit that which we most of the time try to found outside us.

 

[blackribbon]

Marital love doesn't have to fade either. Mine was stronger at 16 years than at 3 years. I see evidence daily in the hospital that often love grows and doesn't fade at all.

I don't believe I am seeking anything - no time to seek, I am just wishing. I spend most of my time serving others...be it my patients or my kids.

 

[Servant68]

Is it wrong to wish to find "young love" when you are older? I don't feel old on the inside. I miss the butterflies and the beginning of a new romance. Actually, I often still felt those butterflies with my husband even after all those years (I also didn't like him at times too, so you know that I don't pretend like things were perfect)...but when he would look at me at times, we were kids again. Being connected to someone else like that was a huge reason for living. I may never find that again, but new beginnings would be nice.

I think it is entirely possible and completely in line with Biblical teaching. The challenge is remaining emotionally available for such love after the world has given us experiences that make us more cautious, skeptical, and perhaps jaded with the prospect of such a pure love between a man and a woman.

But I remain hopeful...

 

[miss-a]

I believe we can still have an exciting, heart-skip-a-beat relationship, regardless of age. We just have to find the right person at the right time who feels the same.

 

[dayhiker]

I was at a dance last Sat. dancing with two sisters, one of whom I'd be interesting in meeting again at a dance ... don't know what her thoughts were of course. Yet we did have a couple of hours of fun. Seems like every couple of months I run into another lady I'd enjoy getting to know more. Guess I already have enough relationships.

 

[Greg J.]

Is it wrong to wish to find "young love" when you are older? I don't feel old on the inside. I miss the butterflies and the beginning of a new romance. Actually, I often still felt those butterflies with my husband even after all those years (I also didn't like him at times too, so you know that I don't pretend like things were perfect)...but when he would look at me at times, we were kids again. Being connected to someone else like that was a huge reason for living. I may never find that again, but new beginnings would be nice.

I have pondered that question for a long time, and my conclusion is that there's nothing wrong with desiring it. However, what I have found is that the older the segment of the population you look at, the smaller the percentage of people who are excited about life due to (perhaps) the accumulated effects of pain and struggle through life, or at least from there being fewer and fewer new things to be excited about. Perhaps this is something like what @geiroffenberg was talking about.

However, it also seems to have to do with personality type. There are people still bursting with excitement for life that are older, and, of course, there are young people who have become overwhelmed by their pasts. Fortunately, we have an awesome and great God.

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. (Isaiah 40:29-31, 1984 NIV)

It seems that freshly falling in love would be one way the Lord brings renewed strength.

 

[blackribbon]

I think I fear that the older I get the higher likelihood that I'd fall in love with someone just as they need a caregiver and not a wife. Yes, I realize that is part of being a spouse. I did it and would do it all over again. But to do some of the things I needed to do for my husband out of love at the end of his life I did actually need history and love of the healthy years to give me the strength survive. I nurse for a living now. I really don't want to become a free nurse for someone who feels more like a patient than a part of my soul.

It is like my cousin (also a nurse) told my grandmother....she had to pick. Did she want her to be a nurse or did she want to hire a nurse and allow my cousin to be a grand-daughter, because she couldn't be both.

 

[dayhiker]

Look for younger men then, black.

 

[blackribbon]

Look for younger men then, black.

I did that the first time round... I always said I did it because men die a few years younger than women. My husband (as usual) just took it to the extreme. I could literally have a chance at a second marriage that was longer than the first one.

Truth be told, most men in their 40s are looking for women in their late 20s & early 30s and often can get them.

 

[dayhiker]

Yes, that is true about men. But I think I woman you realizes that her life experiences can and a sense of adventure can make an older woman more interesting. I had a GF about my age who is quite fearful. We still talk a lot and she is afraid of quite a few things and so that limits my interest in doing too much with her. Other older ladies I know are quite adventurous and want to experience somethings in life before they are too old. So I'm glad to do things with them. We have some really fun times together. So a confident older woman can be more appealing that an insecure younger woman.

 

[blackribbon]

Yes, that is true about men. But I think I woman you realizes that her life experiences can and a sense of adventure can make an older woman more interesting. I had a GF about my age who is quite fearful. We still talk a lot and she is afraid of quite a few things and so that limits my interest in doing too much with her. Other older ladies I know are quite adventurous and want to experience somethings in life before they are too old. So I'm glad to do things with them. We have some really fun times together. So a confident older woman can be more appealing that an insecure younger woman.

Only if the man gives them a chance. A man has to actually spend time with a woman to learn this. And honestly, I think many men are intimidated by confident, intelligent women...they want women they can protect and be admired by. Dayhiker...you don't want a single woman to attach to you so you are looking for completely different relationships than most, or at least what I am looking for.

 

[blackribbon]

The men that I have met that want an independent woman ... are more interested in having a woman who is financially independent so they don't have to spend their money on her ... or even better yet, she can spend her money on him. They also only want someone whom around when they want them around ... and the rest of the time, she is invading their personal space. And I am not talking about the woman who basically moves in and monopolizes his life...but the men that only want to go out when they want to go out.

I have no problems paying my way but it better mean I am paying my way to activities that are my choice every once in a while.

 

[dayhiker]

There are the men around that you are describing, black, but there are other men that don't fit what you are describing.
I agree that we are looking for different things in our relationships black. Its not that I don't want a single woman to attach to me, its that I want more than one to attach to me ...

 

[blackribbon]

I don't share men...and wouldn't be okay with attaching to a man other women are attached to. I'd call that man a friend and wouldn't date him.

I am only describing the men I have gone out with. I know that others exist but they don't seem to exist in my world and I don't know how to change that. I had one man act like I was lying when I told him the subject my first degree was in....(Did he think I looked dumb or something? IDK but why would I lie?) I had one man who must have thought nurses were rich and soft & fuzzy. Reality is that we don't make what should for the amount of work we do, we are hard as nails and fairly blunt a lot of the time, and often tired. Both these men picked every place we went ... one, even when I set it up and said I'd pay for it (he picked a different restaurant that I had said I wanted to go to). One never even bought me a cup of coffee ....ironic, because I have to fight my female friends to let me pay my own way when we go out because they know I am a single mom raising two kids. I had another who actually said that if I didn't have my nursing license, the only job I was qualified for was working at Krogers...and he didn't get why I found that offensive (I have a degree in engineering and he knew it). Another (before I went to nursing school) couldn't see how I was going to support myself after my husband died and that seemed to bother him tremendously even though was doing just fine...and never once ever lived anyway but completely independently since I graduated from college (I did have a bachelors of science degree from a major university and those don't expire). I even had a male friend (we almost dated but never really did) who told me multiple times that he would never marry me (he was drunk most of those times)...and then when actually decided to ask me out several years later (after he had once again said that he would never marry me), he was surprised that I said "no thank you". He never called me back after that and the one time I tried to reach out to him, he completely blew me off.

 

[dayhiker]

I know you and I are in a very different place, black. It always amazes me how dumb some men are. I've diffinately heard many stories like your sharing. I really don't get it. But I also know there are men who I know who treat anyone and especially any woman they are in a relationship with with very well. Only way I know to find the good ones is meet a lot of people till one finds the good ones. That what I do, meet people till I find the ones that are looking for the same things I am in a relationship.

 

[Servant68]

Truth be told, most men in their 40s are looking for women in their late 20s & early 30s and often can get them.

Ugh. Not me. My last girlfriend was 42 which is a perfect age; kids are grown, she was stable in her career, healthy enough for hiking and outdoor adventures, and supposedly mature enough to make good decisions.

Unfortunately, she acted like a twenty-something. Hung out with twenty-something girls in bars, made bad money decisions constantly, and spiritually an infant(I'm a spiritual pre-teen).

I do know that a lot of guys are going for substantially younger women, but mostly those guys are shallow, worldly, and ruled by their lustful nature.

I don't want a plaything; I want a partner and best friend. Not all of us 40-something divorced guys are shallow jerks.

My friend Steve divorced his wife of 17 years due to her mental illness that was turning violent. She refused to get treatment, so he took their young daughter and left. His new girlfriend is a year older than him at 43 and while she is attractive and in good shape, she is what most of us guys really want; a sweet, level-headed, responsible woman.

Now my brother, at 41, is getting married this Summer to a 25yr old law student. They are hopelessly in love and she pursued him. They are a great match, personality wise, but there are some serious challenges due to their age gap. He didn't want to date a 25yr old. His last two girlfriends were 33 and 40. But this girl is his "soul mate" so to speak. I'm happy for him, but I imagine he gets judged pretty hard for how young she is; especially by other women.

 

[pdudgeon]

I'm just about convinced that I'm looking for the hardest commodity to find in the singles world;
a man who follows God.