Please, pray for me I'm so hurt and confused!
I have been married for 15 years. We have no children. Both of us work outside the home.
I'll be the first to tell you that I am not a perfect person nor the perfect wife. I have my list of faults with areas to improve.
My husband has placed mank scars on my heart over the years of our marriage, as I am sure I have his. However, we differ in that he takes no responsibility for his actions. I'm having trouble forgiving. I really do not want to go to my pastor or church family, as my husband's reputation is important to me and I feel like I'd be defacing him. In the past two years we have found a church he's actually excited to attend.
Examples of the hurts:
We were laying in bed one night. I was not feeling well & tossing & turning not able to sleep. He was irritated and grumpy told me to be still. I asked him to hold me. He said "If I HAVE to and if it will make you be still, shut the H*** up, and go to sleep.
He got so angry with me once that he "bumped" me with his vehicle as he speed out of the drivway slinging gravel which also hit me (he had got home from a hunting trip and tore open the back door, with yelling & screaming, throwing stuff & opening and slamming doors in the house then going outside. I followed him out to see what was wrong).
We were out on a date night after dinner & on way to a movie when we ran into his friends at a store. He left me standing in the middle of the isle we were in to go fishing overnight with them. Dinner had gone well. I felt very rejected and confused.
He has threatened to shoot the computer monitor (close to my head) when I was taking classes online to get the credits I needed to qualify for a promotion at work.
He kicked the dog because he knew I cared for it. After he did that I found a home for the dog because I would not let it stay to be harmed.
He takes days off work and doesn't tell me he took the day off.
He says he's working extra, but the $ is not there. He gets off work at 4:00 pm, but isn't home until at earliest 9:00 pm, usually more like 10:00pm or 11:00 pm.
So many more things I could list and these examples are not isolated.
I have tried on occation over the last years to communicate with him about this. I get remarks like "you are lucky I didn't do/say more" or "I just this/that". I'd feel so much better if he could just say "I'm sorry."
I just don't know what to do really. I have thought about many options over the years... just live with it, counseling, seperation, divorce ...
One reason I haven't divorced is I am not sure I have grounds for divorce in the eyes of God. What is God's view of this situation?
Please, help!
I have been married for 15 years. We have no children. Both of us work outside the home.
I'll be the first to tell you that I am not a perfect person nor the perfect wife. I have my list of faults with areas to improve.
My husband has placed mank scars on my heart over the years of our marriage, as I am sure I have his. However, we differ in that he takes no responsibility for his actions. I'm having trouble forgiving. I really do not want to go to my pastor or church family, as my husband's reputation is important to me and I feel like I'd be defacing him. In the past two years we have found a church he's actually excited to attend.
Examples of the hurts:
We were laying in bed one night. I was not feeling well & tossing & turning not able to sleep. He was irritated and grumpy told me to be still. I asked him to hold me. He said "If I HAVE to and if it will make you be still, shut the H*** up, and go to sleep.
He got so angry with me once that he "bumped" me with his vehicle as he speed out of the drivway slinging gravel which also hit me (he had got home from a hunting trip and tore open the back door, with yelling & screaming, throwing stuff & opening and slamming doors in the house then going outside. I followed him out to see what was wrong).
We were out on a date night after dinner & on way to a movie when we ran into his friends at a store. He left me standing in the middle of the isle we were in to go fishing overnight with them. Dinner had gone well. I felt very rejected and confused.
He has threatened to shoot the computer monitor (close to my head) when I was taking classes online to get the credits I needed to qualify for a promotion at work.
He kicked the dog because he knew I cared for it. After he did that I found a home for the dog because I would not let it stay to be harmed.
He takes days off work and doesn't tell me he took the day off.
He says he's working extra, but the $ is not there. He gets off work at 4:00 pm, but isn't home until at earliest 9:00 pm, usually more like 10:00pm or 11:00 pm.
So many more things I could list and these examples are not isolated.
I have tried on occation over the last years to communicate with him about this. I get remarks like "you are lucky I didn't do/say more" or "I just this/that". I'd feel so much better if he could just say "I'm sorry."
I just don't know what to do really. I have thought about many options over the years... just live with it, counseling, seperation, divorce ...
One reason I haven't divorced is I am not sure I have grounds for divorce in the eyes of God. What is God's view of this situation?
Please, help!