Grief- how long?

worshipjunkie

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My divorce was 2 1/2 years ago. The divorce itself was not messy, but everything leading up to it was. It basically ended up with me being left by my husband of 18 years and no longer living with my kids (I don't have shared custody for several reasons right now; a big one being financial)
I still miss my ex. I still would reconcile. I'd do it with some trepidation because he's became pretty liberal and I see potential conflicts, but I still would. His life has gone great since the divorce; tons of friends, got himself physically fit, good job, etc. Mine on the other hand; no friends, health problems, trying to live on SSI...it doesn't make me look appealing to him, I'm sure.
Is it ever going to stop hurting? Am I ever going to start wanting the life I have and not the life I had? I feel like I'm still in the beginning stages of grief and he's totally moved on. What has been other peoples' experiences?
 
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dayhiker

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Hi Worship junkie,
We all have a unique situation when we divorce. We also grieve our divorce in our unique way and for how ever long it takes.
The other things we have to do is figure out who we are going to be single. Then come up with steps to get there. Some parts we are already doing. Others will take many steps and years to implement.
 
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JAM2b

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It can take a long time and it can vary by individual and depends on what lead up to the divorce, who was the one who filed for the divorce, and how long you were together and if there were children and/or pets involved.

My divorce was almost 11 years ago. I don't want that life or marriage back, but I still experience pain over the things that were done to me and the kids when we were together, and for the things that have been done to us even since then by my ex and his wife.

For the most part, it almost always gets much better, with a few bad days here and there. Some people recover completely. I'm not there yet.
 
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Anguspure

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My divorce was 2 1/2 years ago. The divorce itself was not messy, but everything leading up to it was. It basically ended up with me being left by my husband of 18 years and no longer living with my kids (I don't have shared custody for several reasons right now; a big one being financial)
I still miss my ex. I still would reconcile. I'd do it with some trepidation because he's became pretty liberal and I see potential conflicts, but I still would. His life has gone great since the divorce; tons of friends, got himself physically fit, good job, etc. Mine on the other hand; no friends, health problems, trying to live on SSI...it doesn't make me look appealing to him, I'm sure.
Is it ever going to stop hurting? Am I ever going to start wanting the life I have and not the life I had? I feel like I'm still in the beginning stages of grief and he's totally moved on. What has been other peoples' experiences?
How are you doing? I'm just over a year down the track and still feeling it. I'm asking the same question.
 
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GaveMeJoy

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My divorce was 2 1/2 years ago. The divorce itself was not messy, but everything leading up to it was. It basically ended up with me being left by my husband of 18 years and no longer living with my kids (I don't have shared custody for several reasons right now; a big one being financial)
I still miss my ex. I still would reconcile. I'd do it with some trepidation because he's became pretty liberal and I see potential conflicts, but I still would. His life has gone great since the divorce; tons of friends, got himself physically fit, good job, etc. Mine on the other hand; no friends, health problems, trying to live on SSI...it doesn't make me look appealing to him, I'm sure.
Is it ever going to stop hurting? Am I ever going to start wanting the life I have and not the life I had? I feel like I'm still in the beginning stages of grief and he's totally moved on. What has been other peoples' experiences?

hey! My divorce finalized last week and the process has been excruciating. My wife walked away from God after an emotional affair, then left me and accused me of terrible things in court to take my kids and get more money.

Many days are very difficult but Jesus has infinite joy for us. I will post the verses I live off of. When I feel weak or sad I read through them and ask God to return the joy of my salvation in full. When all else fails, remember this life is a vapor, it’s nothing a flash and then eternity in heaven with Jesus!
JOY verses


The holy grail of joy verses first!


Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:4-7


Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18


20 However, do not rejoice that the spirits submit to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven.”

Luke 10:20


9 “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. 10 If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. 11 I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.

John 15:9- 11


You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

Psalm 16:11


Psalm 94:19 "When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy."


May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Romans 15:13


I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body. Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and I will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith, so that through my being with you again your boasting in Christ Jesus will abound on account of me.

Philippians 1:23-26



(Paul says that continuing to inspire progress and joy in the church was one of the only reasons he was still even alive on earth.)


Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.

Habakkuk 3:17-18


And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:28

Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more GLADLY about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 12:8-10


When the members of the Sanhedrin heard this, they were furious and gnashed their teeth at him. But Stephen, full of the Holy Spirit, looked up to heaven and saw the glory of God, and Jesus standing at the right hand of God. “Look,” he said, “I see heaven open and the Son of Man standing at the right hand of God.”

Acts 7:54-56


Then Nebuchadnezzar was furious with Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, and his attitude toward them changed. He ordered the furnace heated seven times hotter than usual So these men, wearing their robes, trousers, turbans and other clothes, were bound and thrown into the blazing furnace. Then King Nebuchadnezzar leaped to his feet in amazement and asked his advisers, “Weren’t there three men that we tied up and threw into the fire?” They replied, “Certainly, Your Majesty.” He said, “Look! I see four men walking around in the fire, unbound and unharmed, and the fourth looks like a son of the gods.”

Daniel 3:19,21,24-25


Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: “For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.” No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:35-39


John 16:20

Very truly I tell you, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy.


So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy.

John 16:22


John 16:24

Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.


33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

John 16:33


1 Peter 5:10

After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you.

Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.

James 1:12


Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

James 1:2-4


Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.

-1 Peter 4:12-13

At this time, Emperor Nero was burning the bodies of Christians to light his gardens in the evenings


In fact, everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted,

2 Timothy 3:12



And now, brothers and sisters, we want you to know about the grace that God has given the Macedonian churches. In the midst of a very severe trial, their overflowing joy and their extreme poverty welled up in rich generosity.

2 Corinthians 8:1-2


I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed.

Romans 8:18-19


“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.John 15:9-11


Romans 5:1-5 New International Version (NIV)

Peace and Hope

5 Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. 3 Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.



But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and endure it? But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God. To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps.

1 Peter 2:20-21


Nehemiah said, “Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.”

Neh 8:10


Psalm 51:12

Restore to me the joy of Your salvation And sustain me with a willing spirit.


Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfector of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. (Hebrews 12:1–2)


Romans 15:13 "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."



Psalm 5:11 "But let all those that put their trust in thee rejoice: let them ever shout for joy, because thou defendest them: let them also that love thy name be joyful in thee."


The Lord has established his throne in heaven, and his kingdom rules over all.

Psalm 103:19 - Bible Gateway passage: Psalm 103:19 - New International Version


Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

Romans 12:11-12


So then, those who suffer according to God’s will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good.

1 Peter 4:19

Rejoice in the Lord and be glad, you righteous; sing, all you who are upright in heart!

Psalm 32:11

It gave me great joy when some believers came and testified about your faithfulness to the truth, telling how you continue to walk in it. I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.

3 John 1:3-4 - Bible Gateway passage: 3 John 3-4 - New International Version


Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfector of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. (Hebrews 12:1–2)


When your words came, I ate them; they were my joy and my heart’s delight, for I bear your name, Lord God Almighty.

Jeremiah 15:16
 
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